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A bridesmaid has been defended online for not wanting to perform at her former friend's wedding reception after she was kicked out of the bridal party.
Taking to Reddit's confession forum Am I The A**hole, the woman aired her grievances and asked her internet readers if they thought she was justified in not wanting to keep her promise.
Originally, the Reddit user was supposed to be a bridesmaid and the one in charge of hosting her best friend's wedding. It was no surprise that she was asked to be part of the bridal party, as she had known her friend for 10 years. However, the Reddit user was at a loss as to what to get the bride and groom as a wedding gift.
“When we were planning the wedding I asked them if they would prefer a traditional wedding gift or if they wanted help with the wedding,” she explained. “I am a singer in a wedding band and we have already played for free for friends and family and we offered to play a set in exchange for food.”
According to the original post's author, her friend was “very excited” at the prospect of her band playing, but her mood quickly changed after the engagement party.
The Reddit user admitted: “At the engagement party, I got into a huge fight with my fiancé. To the point where my friend kicked me out of the wedding party. And then the entire wedding.”
While her exile from the bridal party wasn't what she expected when her friend told her she was getting married, the Reddit writer was relieved to be excused from the ceremony. She thought she'd be banned from the reception as well, but that wasn't the case.
Since she was no longer welcome, the Reddit user assumed she no longer had any business giving the happy couple a gift. Her former friend didn't see it that way.
“My ex-friend (in her words) insisted that since we had been ‘booked,’ we were obligated to perform at her wedding,” the original poster explained. “For free. I told her that we only perform for free for friends and family, and they even pay for our accommodation and travel, as well as providing us with food at the event.”
Now that she and the girlfriend are no longer friends, the Redditor said her band should be paid their “standard rate” if she wants them to perform.
The Reddit user admitted: “Since then, he has been badmouthing us to all of our mutual friends. They think that in order to keep the peace, we should do it, just like we promised.”
Wondering if her perception of the situation is wrong, the Reddit user asked her anonymous readers for their thoughts, and most of them expressed their support.
“You are absolutely right not to want to perform at the wedding for free, especially after you were kicked out of the bridal party and the entire event,” argued one reader. “Your offer to perform was based on the premise that you were friends, but now that the relationship has clearly changed, there is no reason to offer your professional services for free.”
Another person agreed: “If he no longer considers you a friend, he can’t expect you to provide free services. Mutual friends need to understand that professional boundaries exist for a reason. You have the right to charge your standard rate.”
One person said: “I mean you're not supposed to be at the event at all.”
“Don’t do it! You help your friends and family, she’s neither of those things. There’s no contract so it’s going to suck for her,” another Reddit user commented.
