Are you okay if your partner still follows your ex on social networks?

We transcend the digital kingdom for a moment and consider the crux of this pain point, which reveals an enigma that reaches far beyond our phones. There is a psychic threat to emotional security in a relationship when a couple still maintains connections, in some way, with past lovers. The truth is that there is no black and white response to this dilemma. Because, to put it without surroundings, you cannot trust some people to continue (or be connected) to their ex, because they have not yet emotionally prosecuted the course and the end of that relationship, and/or because they have not done the job to cultivate healthy emotional, mental and social limits that are conducive to a new association.

However, some people have, and so can Actually, be friends, the chosen family, the cups of the pets, whatever, with their ex. Some relationships are transformed redeemingly for better and evolve to a much more nutritious and aligned version than they existed before. When that happens, it is beautiful. But this is not always the case. The plot is thick when non -monogamous, polyamorous and/or queer relationships are considered: the limits here can be different. Each relationship, and every personal story that a couple contributes to that relationship is unique. So, the question is: Who are you dating and what are your true intentions with you and when staying connected to your ex (s)? That depends on you to discover it.

The way to do it is to cultivate discernment through patient observation. Time is on your side: any pressure to hurry, especially in a relationship, is usually a signal to reduce speed. Examine your behavior. Try to calm your nervous system dealing with this process as an opportunity to discover more about how to meet your own needs first. (Because you quote, after all, it is a practice, not a destination, it is an opportunity to learn by collecting information about what you really need to feel safe). How does his lover speak about his ex, with a melancholic yearning, or are they safe when they have grown up through relationships? How is your energy when you meet your ex? Do they present you clearly and involve the conversation? Do they handle it in a way that makes you feel safe and prioritized? Do you hide your phone, always place it down on the screen, always take it to the bathroom?

Everyone has a different relationship with technology and social networks, and their reasons for their behavior can vary. The observation is very powerful because, even if you have been with someone for years and years, you still know them. Every day with them presents many opportunities to learn more about them. Building a solid emotional basis in yourself and understanding that you are your best safe space can help you calm and give you courage and peace to ask your partner honest and reflective questions. This can help you develop emotional intimacy and find a path along which both feel seen and heard.

Then, if his beloved has an ex in his life, to be consciously. Remember that you cannot control others, but you can find security within you. Then, do everything possible to suspend the judgment of the situation of your love. Be curious about that. Ask them to talk about what still makes sense of that connection (of course, with the limits, you can ask them to save the sensual details, if that would be painful for me to listen to it). And then listen, connecting with the emotional energy of your love. Being able to open about something sensitive but important for your story will only bring you two and cultivate a sense of security and understanding in your love. If they are defensive, dodge or both, take note of it. Do not react at the time, which will only increase the situation and emphasize a feeling of rupture. But assemble your notes, spend time in thought and meditation, and plan your next movement, and discover what you need to feel really loved, from that process.