Last summer I had the opportunity to make a deal with the devil.
I sat, contemplating my choice: what I could live without in order to acquire what I wanted most. This was not an arbitrary crossroads. For the past 40 minutes or so, I had confessed long-held romantic goals and desires while also revealing details of my most intimate relationships. Now they were being weighed against me. Everything, they told me, could be mine, except what I would sacrifice. The contract would be binding and would require a drop of blood.
I was left alone, with a small lancet in front of me. The barely audible squeak of the candle kept me company in a desolate warehouse room, an environment that seemed illicit while the fragility of the small flame reminded me that I needed to make a decision.
I was here because I had booked a session with Yannick Trapman-O'Brien's “Undersigned,” a show he presents as a “psychological thriller for one.” Each production is personal and highly individualized for its participant; Plot points detailed here may not be revealed to all guests. However, know that this is not about condemning yourself to a fantastic afterlife. “Undersigned” is based on our reality, a conversation we have about our wants and needs and, at least for me, what aspects of my personality or social circle I would give up to achieve them. Love and various relationships were on the table as I played with the lancet and considered pricking my finger.
This was not a decision I would make lightly. After all, Trapman-O'Brien's performance had created an atmosphere of damning seriousness. And I hadn't even seen it.
For most of the show I was blindfolded as he sat across from me, and he had left the space as I navigated my life and the future I was beginning to imagine for myself. It is strange to participate in “Undersigned”; After bringing it to Los Angeles last August, when I experienced it, Philadelphia-based Trapman-O'Brien returns with some dates this month. Limited tickets remain, as of this writing.
Despite being comfortable with vulnerability and having a tendency to sometimes overshare, I entered “Below Signer” with trepidation. No topic, unless specifically requested, is prohibited. Our relationship with money, sex, religion, love, power and more are fair game, and the topics are discussed in a setting that nods to the occult. However, “Undersigned” ultimately became something akin to a therapy session, as I was prompted to examine my strengths and weaknesses in matters of romance and faith.
Trapman-O'Brien, 32, has a unique ability to improvise, to quickly twist my words and use them against me. There were no cards or magic tricks here. “Undersigned” is purely a meeting of minds, and those who treat it seriously will find it very revealing.
My session was a tug of war between empathetic and selfish tendencies; I didn't want any settlement, I said, unless everyone potentially affected was happy, but such a request required taking a figurative scalpel to other areas of satisfaction. Thus it became a work of self-examination. If it were possible to rewrite history and one's own life, how much could I accept while still looking at myself in the mirror?
Only everything started to go wrong. I went in expecting to share some of my professional and romantic dreams. However, as the program progressed, I became overcome with fear that I would never achieve them.
“There's a huge act of care in giving people a place where they can confront themselves,” Trapman-O'Brien says. “Even though the themes and origins of this story are rooted in traditions and things that are evil and sinister, I actually find it to be an incredibly affirming piece. I am stunned by the generosity of people and the courage to look at something terrifying. I've had people say something and immediately say, 'Oh, I don't like it, that's true.'”
Trapman-O'Brien is careful with his words. A promise from the “Undersigned” is that what is discussed during the performance will never again be discussed. It will reveal, only in general terms, the issues that have been addressed. A veteran of the East Coast participatory theater scene, Trapman-O'Brien's previous show, “The Telelibrary,” was born out of the COVID-19 pandemic, a whimsical but open-hearted telephone performance in which the prompts vocals led us to literary reflections or to memories left by other callers.
“Undersigned” began in 2019 as a commission for a client's Halloween party. Trapman-O'Brien resisted, not wanting to create a horror-themed show, but then became intrigued by exploring the concept of making a deal with the devil. “Below signer” only works because the options don't seem like an arbitrary thought experiment; That is, it is not about accepting, say, countless billions by giving up a pet or a limb. Throughout, the blindfolded conversation with Trapman-O'Brien focuses on our emotional wants and needs, then examines them for their root.
Yannick Trapman-O'Brien has performed “Undersigned” about 300 times, each time asking guests to potentially offer a personal and emotional sacrifice. Summary bargains from previous guests are exposed to participants.
(Todd Martens / Los Angeles Times)
The goal? Emotionally disarm guests by creating, in Trapman-O'Brien's words, a “judgmental-free space.”
“One of the problems is that the minute you bring up the idea of a deal with the devil, people expect they're going to get screwed,” says Trapman-O'Brien. “I find that people negotiate against themselves. One of the most impactful things about the article is talking to people about why they continue to accept less than what they want. Like, 'I don't need my dream job.' I just need a good job.' But I told you you could have whatever you wanted. Have your dream.”
The program's inherent vulnerability extends to its payment structure. A “signed below” gig asks for a “down payment” of $100, with slightly cheaper options for students and creative professionals. At the end of the show, guests receive a notebook to write something personal and leave for others to read, and an envelope containing 30% of their initial cash investment—an acknowledgment, reads the fine print of “Below Signer.” ”, from “ “The bet” that the guests are making with such an openly revealing and potentially disconcerting spectacle.
“I think the best way to ask for something is to invite,” says Trapman-O'Brien. “And the best way to invite people to vulnerability is with vulnerability itself. We've talked about how heavy the show is. And I think a big part of what makes people willing to share is that I try to find as many places as possible to take a risk. “
Trapman-O'Brien says she regularly hears back from those involved, sometimes months later, with updates on their deal. In my case, I sat in the warehouse lobby (the show takes place at Hatch Escapes in Arlington Heights) for a good 45 to 50 minutes, contemplating how easily he was willing to offer professional ambitions and personal connections for something he believed What would I do? I happy.
“There are a non-zero number of participants,” Trapman-O'Brien says, “who will come up and say, 'I know I'm not supposed to discuss it, but it happened.' Well, those rules are about your safety and mine, so I can say, 'I don't know what you're talking about.' But to me that's what it means to make a piece where you say things you need. Some of them might surprise you.”
Arguably the biggest revelation for me with “Undersigned” is how true it all feels. About six months into the production, there are times when I catch myself thinking about the show and the choice that was presented to me. If that future I imagined for myself ever came true, a not insignificant part of me would wonder what other forces were at play.
Because when I left “Down Signer”, I also left a part of me behind: a drop of blood and a deal signed with the devil.
