Any Dodger fan visiting New York is sure to have questions.
Why does the Statue of Liberty ask for a right-handed reliever? Why does waiting for trains along the High Line seem like an eternity? Can I trust these tacos? When the game is over, are we going to listen to Randy Newman?
We don't have answers. But we have this travel advisory for any Dodger fans considering a quick trip east.
Broadway: This is the street in Manhattan where the Mets had a big parade after winning the 1969 World Series at Shea Stadium. Soon after, the ticker tape, Shea Stadium and the Mets' winning seasons fell out of fashion.
The Bronx: This is the site of the original Yankee Stadium, where the Dodgers beat the Yankees to win the 1955 World Series and beat them again to win the 1981 World Series. In a later attempt to erase those memories, the Yankees razed that stadium and they built another one across the street.
Carnegie Hall: Imagine the Hollywood Bowl without the hills, the stars, the breeze and without the alcohol.
Central Park: This is what we'd get if we bulldozed Griffith Park, bulldozed its observatory, downsized its zoo, bulldozed its golf courses, and let the drum circle bang all weekend. Nice font, yes.
The East River: A shorter and wider Los Angeles River, equally suitable for swimming.
Katz's Delicatessen: This Lower East Side restaurant is the setting for the famous scene from “When Harry Met Sally,” when Meg Ryan, dining with Billy Crystal, pretends that she is actually eating at Langer's Deli in Los Angeles.
Little Italy: Eataly, the prequel.
Metropolitan Museum of Art: An unnecessary museum, with minimal baseball content and art that is older than LACMA or younger than the Getty Villa. To its credit, the museum hosts the Met Gala, an annual spectacle in which celebrities dress as Mets out of uniform.
Patience and Strength: These are the names of the stone lions that preside over the access stairs to the main New York Public Library. You can find examples of the latter around the city. The first, not so much.
That dull noise you keep hearing: Don't worry. It's not Pete Alonso who comes third. It's the subway.
Times Square: New Yorkers gather here every New Year's Eve to shiver, listen to Anderson Cooper's filibusters, and distract themselves from the fact that the Yankees haven't won a World Series in 15 years and the Mets haven't won one this century.
UN Headquarters: These are the people responsible for bringing peace to the world. After that they are going to sort out the Dodgers' starting rotation.
Brooklyn: Well, this is awkward. Jackie Robinson is buried here. Pee Wee Reese spent 94% of his career here. Sandy Koufax grew up and made his first major league start here in 1955. Notable locations include Ebbets Field Apartments, a 1,300-unit complex built in 1962 on Bedford Avenue, where a baseball stadium used to be.
