You really have to shake your head at the alleged sexual misconduct of former U.S. Rep. Eric Swalwell, the Bay Area Democrat whose life has imploded after a handful of women (last count: five) accused him of egregious misconduct, including rape.
All of the reported acts are said to have taken place after the sordid revelations of the MeToo movement of 2017, when so many powerful men were toppled after dozens of survivors detailed the ways the men had used their power to harass, abuse and sexually assault their subordinates.
Given the bloody professional and personal carnage of that shocking era, if you were a powerful elected official with sexual compulsions, wouldn't you think twice before acting on them? Especially if you were seeking a higher office that would put you squarely in the national spotlight?
I mean, come on. Why is it so difficult for so many men with so much to lose to keep their pants closed? Warnings abound: Harvey Weinstein ended up in prison. Talk show titans Matt Lauer and Charlie Rose are gone. Bill O'Reilly, who once dominated cable news from his perch at Fox, now operates on the shadowy fringes of the conservative media landscape. Celebrity chef Mario Batali left New York for northern Michigan and no longer owns the restaurants that made him famous.
Swalwell has vehemently denied the allegations, which have now sparked criminal investigations in New York, Los Angeles and Washington. Regardless of the results of the investigations, the damage has already been done. Swalwell resigned from Congress and dropped out of the race for governor of California.
“I am in no way suggesting to you that he is perfect or a saint,” Swalwell said in an Instagram video. “I have certainly made errors in judgment in the past, but those errors are between my wife and I, and I deeply apologize to her for putting her in this position.”
Three things seem ridiculous to me about your statement.
First, no one accuses him of being perfect or holy. That language is classic deflection/inoculation/false humility (take your pick).
Secondly, his “mistakes” are not just between him and his wife. Unfortunately, the entire country, the state of California, and its constituents in the Dublin area have been dragged into this imperfect and unholy disaster.
And third, if he did something inappropriate with the women who accused him, he should apologize to them. Even if you had encounters that you believe were consensual, that would be wrong if you were interacting with interns and employees, women who say they believed their careers depended on staying in his good graces.
Now, it seems women are coming out of the woodwork with Swalwell stories, including Lonna Drewes, who alleged during a press conference in Los Angeles on Tuesday that Swalwell drugged and raped her in Beverly Hills in 2018. “He raped me and strangled me and while he was strangling me I passed out and thought I died,” Drewes said.
When men's bad behavior has me stumped, I turn to David Wexler, a San Diego clinical psychologist, founder of the Relationship Training Institute, and author and co-author of many books, including, most recently, “Choose Him Wisely.”
What must high-profile men be thinking, I asked Wexler on Thursday, days after the allegations forced Swalwell out of Congress and the California gubernatorial race. And why do convicted men think they can get away with it?
“When someone has an out-of-control need for what's called 'narcissistic supplies,' it can override all kinds of good judgment,” Wexler told me. “There's a void they're trying to fill, and for a lot of these men (same goes for Bill Clinton) it's never enough.”
The thought process, Wexler said, goes something like: “'I'm different because I'm not doing anything wrong and these women are really hot on me… This is consensual.' Most men, except hardcore psychopaths, have to convince themselves of this or they couldn't do it.”
Could someone so disconnected from reality ever honestly face the accusations against him? I asked Wexler. (I mean, just look at Weinstein, sitting in prison, still protesting his innocence.)
Not really, Wexler responded. “This personality type is simply not programmed to accept deeper, darker truths about themselves. I see a lot of men like this who allow a little bit of self-awareness to sink in, but it's rare to truly understand how much wrong they've done. It's like a psychological matter of life and death.”
Although rumors about Swalwell had been circulating for a long time, it was two social media content creators — Arielle Fodor, who goes by “Ms. Frazzled” on Instagram and TikTok, and attorney and activist Cheyenne Hunt — who brought it to light, leading to stories in the San Francisco Chronicle and CNN.
The growing influence of such online personalities, wrote Melanie Mason and Jeremy B. White of Politico, “has pushed campaigns into a new digital Wild West, where long-buried accusations and unsubstantiated rumors can find their early stages of investigation, a warning to politicians at all levels.”
well that ought be a warning. But a certain type of man will never think that this applies to him.
“That's 100% true,” Wexler said. “Some men can and have changed, and I think the MeToo movement has had an impact to some extent. But if our goal is for men to not take advantage of women, that goal will never be achieved.”
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