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So, with the nomination of Trump and his vice president, JD Vance, America woke up today with two white men who could very well rule the country for the next four years. That's two Hitlers for the price of one. What's going on? Why are evil white men not only leading in the polls, but also adding minority voters, like Joy Behar adds chins? Right now, these two evil white men make the Democratic Party look as organized as a 7-Eleven stickup.
The truth is, there's a key difference between the left and the right that goes beyond politics, and that's why people of all kinds are flocking to the Republican Party. At their core, the right loves America. They're not afraid to show it. They're the ones who stand for the national anthem, who love the military, who see America as a force for good and derive fulfillment from their families, their country, and this program, of course. But the left is just as miserable as Morning Joe when Mika is on a diet. Or Mika when Joe is on her period. Both sides have their warriors, to be sure. But at least the right are happy warriors. That's why we're winning. And thanks to Trump, the Republicans have gotten their groove back.
Republican presidential candidate and former U.S. President Donald Trump applauds as Republican vice presidential nominee JD Vance gestures on the second day of the Republican National Convention (RNC), at the Fiserv Forum in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, U.S., July 16, 2024. (Reuters/Elizabeth Frantz)
For an example of the difference between the two sides, just look at the reactions to the assassination attempt. Think about it. The guy they hate gets shot and they’re the ones who are miserable, including many who made no secret of wishing the shooter hadn’t missed. But our guy gets shot and what happens? Everyone chants “USA!” Trump gets shot in the head with an AK and shows up full of defiance and love for his country, looking for its scent eaters. Because that’s what he meant by “fight,” of course. He meant fight for this place, fight for its founding principles, its freedoms, its strengths, not its damn pronouns.
TRUMP LEADS OVER BIDEN IN BLUE STATE AFTER ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT: POLL
Now, imagine the opposite. Imagine the opposite if Joe lost a single hair transplant. He’d be in Walter Reed for a month. What a contrast. One president has a bloody ear and the other needs a Miracle Ear. If you bandaged Trump’s whole head like the mummy, he’d still be more aware of his surroundings than old Joe. And Biden’s rallies? They’re in such boring, dreary places: high school gymnasiums where everyone acts like they’re at a doctor’s appointment and it’s a cross between Dr. Frankenstein and Dr. Kevorkian.
Meanwhile, Trump’s rallies are massive and joyous, and even with a shooting, people cry. But they also keep going. They can’t be brought down. Trump has faced figurative bullets and now literal bullets, and he’s getting stronger every time. And he’s always smiling. A real smile, too, not the skeletal grin Biden has had since his plastic surgeon stapled his ears behind his head. Circumstances have turned Trump into a force majeure and someone who’s having a great time. All while the media tried to paint him as weak. Oh, look, he fell. It was just a loud noise. Oh, it was probably glass, wasn’t it? If these people were covering the Hindenburg, they would have told us, well, someone was just farting. But if that had happened to Biden, the media would be crying like Chris Christie when the McRib was discontinued.
Meanwhile, the legal war against Trump has been crumbling like a toilet seat on Lizzo’s toilet. I love the word toilet, what can I say? Americans of all colors and stripes saw it as nonsense. So doesn’t it seem like there’s something about the timing of all this? Biden’s pathetic debate, the shootout with Trump just turning his head, the end of the paperwork process, and now today’s sentencing of Menendez as we watch how corrupt Democrats led a guy accused of being an agent of a foreign power to sit on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and receive classified briefings while on trial. Democrats, maybe it’s time to ask, is this all what happens when God or some other force of justice is on the other side? Because in this movie, we are the good guys and the Democrats know they are ultimately the bad guys and the payoff is coming this November.
So if you doubt any of this, just look at the supporters on both sides. Trump supporters are happy parents, ready to fight, sure, but happy to do so. While those on the other side are hysterical, terrified morons who are as unhappy as Jerry Nadler's belt buckle. But the celebrities on the right are out there, fighting, but enjoying the fight.
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Finally, just look at the name of Trump's deputy communications director. Her name is Caroline Sunshine. That's actually her name. Can there be a more cheerful name than Caroline Sunshine? She even sounds like a Caroline Sunshine. And yet it's no surprise that Joe's name is Biden, because that's all he's doing: Biden' Time.
