Leonard Nimoy's son, Adam Nimoy, was stunned when the “Star Trek” actor wrote him a six-page letter that “sounded like the tale of a failed and wasted life.”
It was 2008, and by then Adam had been sober for about four years. The relationship between father and son was “at its lowest point.”
“I was going to Alcoholics Anonymous and I was learning how to deal with my father,” Adam told Fox News Digital. “He just had a lot of anger. And I had a lot of difficulty with him… I had distanced myself from him. I just wasn't interested in arguing with him, which was impossible. Leonard was formidable, very difficult, so powerful… It was very difficult to express my feelings.
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Adam Nimoy had a complicated relationship with his father, “Star Trek” icon Leonard Nimoy. (Courtesy of Adam Nimoy)
The television director has written a new memoir, “The Most Human: Reconciling with My Father, Leonard Nimoy.” He explores his complex relationship with the late patriarch and how they made peace before his death in 2015 at age 83.
The 67-year-old admitted he was crushed by the letter at first. At the time, he called his father on special occasions, but they did not spend time together or call each other regularly.
Adam Nimoy and Leonard Nimoy are seen here enjoying the surf in Waikiki, Hawaii, circa 1970. (Jody Cortés/Getty Images)
“In the letter he expressed a lot of frustration and anger with me and him, his attitude toward me,” Adam explained. “It was very devastating for me to receive the letter. But he wanted clarity. Who is to blame for the failure of our relationship? He wanted to get to the bottom of that. And he felt that a lot of that fell on me and my failures. As a son …And unfortunately, a lot of what was in your letter was true.”
Adam Nimoy's memoir, “The Most Human,” is now available in bookstores. (Chicago Review Press)
At first, Adam was determined to disconnect even more from his father. But it was a recovering friend who encouraged him to finally make amends with the actor.
“[He] “He said I should go and apologize to him for all my shortcomings or what he felt was wrong,” Adam said. “And I did.”
The road to peace was not easy.
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Seen here is a young Leonard Nimoy in a 1964 episode of “The Outer Limits.” (ABC Photo Archives/Disney General Entertainment Content via Getty Images)
Growing up, Adam described his father as “very driven, very hungry to succeed.” And when Nimoy rose to fame, they couldn't be together in public without being mobbed by a crowd of strangers.
Adam Nimoy admitted that a lengthy letter from his father, Leonard Nimoy, devastated him. (F. Scott Schafer/Courtesy of Adam Nimoy.)
“My dad just wasn't very comfortable being alone with me,” Adam explained. “And it had a lot to do with the fact that he always had things on his mind… I had trouble relating to my dad. We didn't go out much. And he was always a big doer. It was hard for him to just sit back, relax. and just watching TV. We couldn't converse very easily. It was immediately disruptive and we would have to abandon the plan.”
Adam admitted that, as a child, he resented having to share his father with the world. It would be years before he fell in love with the fans who made Nimoy a television icon.
Leonard Nimoy meets with his fans in California. (Getty Images)
“You just want to be alone with your family,” he explained. “And my dad was always very patient, he was always willing to give you an autograph… It was a challenge for me.”
Adam noted that Nimoy came from a generation where emotions simply weren't talked about as often as they are today. He wondered how that impacted their relationship.
Leonard Nimoy in his office/photo studio at his home on March 2, 2002, in Bel Air, Los Angeles, California. (Paul Harris/Getty Images)
“Even when 'Star Trek' became a big hit, his parents wouldn't talk to him,” Adam said. “I never heard them say that they were proud of him, that they loved him, or that they really recognized his achievements. I knew they enjoyed success… They were really giddy that there was so much attention around my father, that he was doing very well. Well, the fans even showed their love and affection towards my grandparents, and they loved it. They even shared fan letters with us, and they were almost ashamed of it. But I never, ever heard them say words of affection to my dad. I know they loved my dad.”
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Although Leonard Nimoy (left) continued his career on “Star Trek” from 1966 to 1969 with a notable career as an actor, director, writer and photographer, in the public's mind he would always be Spock. (José Gálvez/Los Angeles Times via Getty Images)
“…I wanted to break that cycle,” Adam reflected. “With my children, I was very demonstrative, very involved. I'm a different person than my dad… I expressed feelings of love and pride and joy in just being with them… But for my dad, it was very difficult for him to break up. that cycle. My grandparents were Russian immigrants who came to the United States and were shocked when they got here. That was for Leonard.
“Leonard was all about survival,” Adam added.
Leonard Nimoy (left) with William Shatner in a scene from “Star Trek.” (CBS/Getty Images)
Throughout his life, Nimoy struggled with alcoholism. The BBC previously reported that the stress of working on “Star Trek” led him to drink. Adam wrote that the first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting he attended was in the mid-'90s, when Nimoy was “newly sober.” Adam struggled with his own addictions, including alcohol and marijuana.
Adam Nimoy struggled with his father's fame as a child. (Earl Leaf/Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images)
“It was weird,” Adam admitted to Fox News Digital about going to AA with Nimoy. “It was like, 'Is this our new father-son outing? Are you trying to tell me something? Do you want me to join the show or do you want to show me the work you've been doing on the show?' It wasn't clear to me. I never knew what he was thinking.
“I thought it was cool and interesting, except when I found out what the 12 steps of recovery were,” Adam continued. “It made me angry. One of the steps is to make a list of the people you've wronged and be willing to make amends to those people. And my dad never made amends to me… It just made me so angry that he skipped those steps. He program discouraged me. It was a very negative experience, although I did not express those feelings to him.
In the book, Adam wrote that Nimoy “was able to skip the steps where he was supposed to apologize for all the things he did, all the arguments we had, all the times we butted heads when Johnnie Walker was in the room.” .
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Leonard Nimoy as Mr. Spock in “Star Trek.” (CBS via Getty Images)
It wouldn't be until December 2003 that a friend, who was in and out of recovery, told Adam it was his turn. In 2004, Adam found his way back to the show on his own.
“I was very unhappy and smoked marijuana all day,” Adam said. “I was in an unhappy marriage and my kids were old enough to start realizing that something was wrong with me. I had changed. I was acting differently, strangely… I was so sick of being high all the time. I just didn't. “I enjoyed it and it wasn't helping me. It had been going on for 30 years since I was in high school. I was ready, completely ready, and I never relapsed.”
Adam said that when he received his father's letter, the actor “wasn't drinking anymore” but “wasn't going to meetings.”
Leonard Nimoy arrives at the premiere of Paramount Pictures' “Star Trek Into Darkness” at the Dolby Theater on May 14, 2013 in Hollywood, California. (Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)
“I think he had a lot of struggles with his feelings and what the right action would be for him; I think he just didn't know,” Adam said. “But… I had people in recovery who gave me the direction I needed to reconcile with him. And that's what I did, although when they told me to go make peace with him, I resisted. I didn't want to do it. I didn't think I felt like he had been sober longer than I had. So why should I make the first move? But that's a typical, emotionally immature thought.”
Adam said that the moment he made amends, his father “was willing to put aside everything he had against me.”
“He was ready to move on, too,” Adam said. “And that's what we did: move forward in our relationship. And it was incredibly amazing. We were so happy to be together. We really loved each other. We just didn't know how to love each other.”
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Adam Nimoy made peace with his father, Leonard Nimoy, before the patriarch passed away. (Courtesy of Adam Nimoy)
Adam said his last years with Nimoy were happy. They loved being together and Nimoy bonded with her grandchildren. And by then, Adam smiled as fans approached Nimoy.
“I was proud of him, really proud of him,” Adam said. “I felt proud of what he managed to accomplish throughout his life… During those last few years, I felt like we could finally trust each other.”
Today, Adam hopes his story gives hope to others who are struggling with similarly complex relationships with their parents.
Adam Nimoy is seen here posing for a portrait in tribute to his father, Leonard Nimoy. (Jody Cortés/Getty Images)
“I'm a work in progress, but I've come a long way,” Adam said. “[And] Family dysfunction is everywhere. You don't have to have a famous father to have problems with a family member. . . . But my dad and I had to rediscover each other and rebuild our relationship. “That's the goal of recovery.”
The Associated Press contributed to this report.
