Editor's note: After first publishing this story in 2021, we received feedback from readers about the derivation and use of the term in pop culture. We've updated the story to reflect those additional details.
cnn
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Shannon was used to her socially awkward son being bullied by other kids at the private school he attends.
But when she picked him up at school and he told her they were calling him a “simpleton,” Shannon, who only uses her first name to protect her son's identity, didn't know what to think.
“He tells me this and I drive around and try to make sense of it,” she said. “He had never heard the word.”
“He told me, 'It basically means I'm being nice to girls because I like them,'” she said. “I thought, wait, they're making fun of my son for being nice to girls?”
His son had told him that he had recently been put in the “friend zone” by one of the girls, who made it clear that she was not interested in dating him. They had remained friendly.
“As a parent, you do all these things to raise your child well, to be nice to everyone, especially kids who don't have many friends,” Shannon said. “And you never think that by making your child nice you could make him a target for bullies.”
Many parents may not be familiar with the word “simple,” but chances are your tween or teen has used or at least heard the term.
Simple hashtags are proliferating on TikTok. Instagram has over 600,000 posts tagged #simp, and there are Facebook groups dedicated to simps and simping. (It can also be a verb).
Depending on who you talk to, there is some debate about the use of the word and how much (if at all) it has evolved over time. While the origins of simp are related to the word “simpleton”, its current use is linked to American West Coast rappers such as Too Short, who first used it in the mid-1980s in a way that denotes the opposite of “pimp” in his song. “Pympology.”
In 1992, Boyz II Men released a song called “Sympin' Ain't Easy,” which offered a different spelling of the word and evoked frustrated longing.
Urban Dictionary's main definition of nice is “someone who does too much for a person they like.” Other definitions in the crowdsourced online dictionary include “a man who is too desperate for women, especially if she is a bad person, or has expressed her disinterest in him with whom she continues to be obsessed.”
“'Simp' is slang for a person (usually a man) who is desperate for the attention and affection of another person (usually a woman),” said Connor Howlett, then a digital strategist in New York City at 2021, in an email. to CNN.
“Think of puppy-eye energy, but manifested in a human, romantic way,” Howlett said. “It is used in an insulting way. Although it is usually fun, there are definitely undertones of toxic masculinity, as it is related to showing too much emotion.”
Karen McClung first encountered the word in group chats she closely monitors with her daughter and son.
“I saw the word and quickly looked it up,” McClung said. “I asked my kids what they thought it meant, and my son said, 'Basically, if you had $1,000 and you could do anything with it, you'd use it to get a girl's attention; then everyone would make fun of you. .”
“I blocked the thread,” he said.
McClung said his son wasn't called a fool in the thread, but said he's “curious to see how this affects my son because he's very gentlemanly by nature.”
A word that emerged in the vernacular of Generation Z from the use of social media, as simp is believed to have arrived, is sure to become confused and continue to evolve.
And simp can have different contexts depending on the age group using it, said Laura Capinas, a clinical social worker in Sonoma County, California.
“Depending on whether a middle schooler or a high school student uses it, it could be different,” he said, and it's not just kids who talk about simps and simps.
“High school girls sometimes say the term to their high school girlfriends,” Capinas said. “Some kids I've talked to have told me it's not a derogatory term. It's like making fun of someone, like 'You left us to go hang out with your friends, you're cheating on us.'”
“If someone who is used to being a bully says it, it will be received as a bully comment,” he said.
She hasn't heard children or parents in her practice worry too much about the word, but Capinas often hears children use it to describe their day or their peer groups.
Myra Fortson said she has talked about the word with her daughter and believes those words often “spread faster than their meaning.”
“Children will also take over their language by refusing to return to its original meaning,” said the mother of three. “They'll say things like, 'Maybe that's where it comes from, but it doesn't mean that anymore.' And they continue to use the term however they want.”
One way to think of a simpleton, said Sean Davis, a marriage and family therapist in California, is “just someone ahead of their time.”
“Although it hurts in the moment, in general, a child who is called 'simple' can wear it like a badge of honor,” Davis said.
“Boys today are being raised amid the largest redefinition of male gender roles in recent history,” Davis said. “Should I be kind and sensitive or distant and aloof when trying to win over a partner?”
As with all bullying, teens and preteens should first tell their parents or a trusted adult who can intervene on their behalf, she said. “Otherwise, simply acknowledging it and refusing to be embarrassed can help.”
It's important for parents to remember that there have always been slang terms for children and parents alike to use, Capinas said, and the goal is to “make sure they are received and used in a playful way.”
“I think we're always looking to keep our kids from getting hurt,” he said. “We don't like language that is slang and has the potential to have negative connotations.”
One tactic he teaches children in his therapy sessions, he said, is the “tool of humor.”
“It's comic relief. You practice not putting down the other person, you put down the situation,” she said.
If someone is criticized for always “making a fool of myself with girls,” Capinas said, “you might turn it around and say, 'It's hard to be the lone soldier, a nice guy, who wants to join me?'”
“You can turn it and turn it into comedy,” he said.
Davis pointed out a similar approach.
“Telling the bully, 'That's right,' while holding your head up and walking away can help, since bullies usually give up if they can't bring the other person down,” she said. “And you can tell yourself that being intimidated is simply the price a revolutionary has to pay for standing up for what is right.”
Shannon said her son's therapist recommended similar tactics, but the boy said he only comes up with the perfect response three hours later.
“It's been really heartbreaking, especially because I know a lot of these kids who bully him. He’s been in school since second grade,” Shannon said. “If his mothers knew, they would be horrified. But my son doesn't want me to tell him because things will get worse.”
This story was originally published in February 2021 and has been updated.
