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I had no intention of piling on Kristi Noem.
She did a terrible job, especially with ICE and FEMA, seemed obsessed with promoting herself – whether in a Salvadoran prison or on horseback at Mount Rushmore – and President Trump fired her. He probably waited too long, but he removed her as Secretary of Homeland Security. End of story.
Until now.
OVER 300 ANGELS FAMILIES JUMP INTO THE FIGHT OVER DHS NOMINATION OF MARKWAYNE MULLIN IN UNEQUIVOCAL TERMS
I know this reeks of gossipy tabloidism, but it directly involves the former secretary and, what makes it very serious, raises the possibility of blackmail. And follow the romantic rumors that she has dismissed.
The Daily Mail, which has amassed a ton of evidence, reports on the “secret life,” to use that headline-grabbing cliché, of her husband, Bryon Noem.
There are several photos of Bryon Noem, wearing pink shorts and huge fake breasts.
Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem testifies at a hearing in Washington in March 2026. (Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)
Mail journalists interviewed several “fetish” models who claim to have had an online relationship with Noem, linked to women who fantasized about becoming Barbie dolls with gigantic curves (far outshining actual skinny dolls). It's called “bimbofication.”
The article says Noem is said to have paid these women thousands of dollars for their services, sometimes making lewd requests. I'll spare you the disturbing details.
Kristi's representatives told the New York Post: “Ms. Noem is devastated. The family was blindsided by this and is asking for privacy and prayers at this time.”
The president told the Daily Mail that he was surprised to hear that the Noem family confirmed the shocking report about her lewd online behavior.
“Did they confirm it? Wow, well, I feel bad for the family if that's the case, it's a shame,” Trump said in a phone call.
But here's the key part. Noem, the Mail says, made little attempt to conceal extracurricular activities, giving women her husband's phone number with a voicemail identifying her business.
The main concern, and the reason this is newsworthy, is that Kristi could have been subjected to blackmail.
NOEM THANKS TRUMP FOR NEW SPECIAL ENVIRONMENT ROLE OF THE AMERICAS SHIELD AFTER DHS DEFEAT
Former CIA officer Marc Polymeropoulos told the newspaper: “If a media outlet can discover this, it can be assumed with a high degree of confidence that a hostile intelligence service knows it too.”
An editor at Glenn Beck's The Blaze said, “The entire Republican Party is full of degenerates, at this point probably more than Democrats. And in this case, all of this was known long before she was appointed. It was an insane appointment.”
Alright, I think we've had enough of that.
Bryon Noem, husband of former Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem (center), watches as Kristi Noem testifies during a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing in Washington, DC, Tuesday, March 3, 2026. (Graeme Sloan/Bloomberg via Getty Images)
Let's move on to the new DHS Secretary, former Senator Markwayne Mullin.
As the New York Times reports, “Mullin has worked toward a less flashy debut: briefing members of Congress on the effects of the government shutdown, attending White House meetings and making a video talking about the people he now supervises. 'I think I have the best people working at DHS. Ever, I mean that honestly,'” he said in a video.
Mullin has yet to manage a mass deportation program whose public approval has plummeted, especially after the murder of two American citizens in Minneapolis. And he largely agrees with Trump's hardline views.
FIRED DHS CHIEF KRISTI NOEM FACES CRIMINAL REFERRAL FROM CONGRESSIVE DEMOCRATS
At his confirmation hearing, Mullin said, “My goal in six months is for us to not be in the main story every day. My goal is for people to understand that we are out there, that we are protecting them and that we are working with them.”
It will be a difficult balancing act – especially since, for the moment, DHS funding is frozen – except for TSA workers, by presidential decree – as the two parties cannot agree on a way to resolve the partial government shutdown.
What's clear is that the Kristi Noem era is over, with a new boss who wants to avoid headlines rather than seek them.
Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem takes the oath before testifying during a Senate Judiciary Committee oversight hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington, Tuesday, March 3, 2026. (Manuel Balce Ceneta/AP Photo)
Note: Jimmy Kimmel is receiving criticism for making disparaging comments about Markwayne Mullin.
“Let me make this very clear: It doesn't bother me that the head of Homeland Security was a former plumber. It bothers me that he's no longer a plumber,” Kimmel said. “That's right. Now we have a plumber who protects us from terrorism. It worked for Super Mario. Why not Markwayne?”
This was widely criticized for denigrating the working class.
“Secretary Mullin represents the best of American workers, and failed comedian Jimmy Kimmel decides to ridicule him for it,” a DHS spokesperson told Fox.
What's more, Mullin took over the indebted family business and expanded it into a major regional operation, including real estate and environmental services.
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Kimmel doubled down, despite the criticism. “I wouldn't put a plumber in charge of Homeland Security for the same reason I wouldn't call a five-star general to get a rat out of my toilet. Okay? We all have our areas of expertise.”
Jimmy just has bad ears on this one.
