Gutfeld: Why are these conservatives supporting Kamala Harris?

According to a recent USA Today report, 238 Republican staffers signed a letter endorsing Kamala Harris. The letter states that another Trump presidency would “irreparably damage our beloved democracy.”

And even though they disagree with the Democrats, the alternative is “simply untenable.” The team members worked for McCain, George W. Bush, Mitt Romney – the very people the Democrats once considered a threat to democracy. How quickly stupid people forget!

So how is it possible that 238 genuine conservatives are so offended that they abandon the Republican Party to embrace the most liberal presidential candidate of our lifetimes? A woman who doesn't have the weight of brain cells.

A woman so unhinged that she's abandoned reality. I mean, she's a nutcase who bailed out violent criminals, wants to collect taxes on money you haven't earned yet, and at the same time demands that you pay for inmate sex changes. If she got any crazier, you could feed her to an elephant.

But the answer, as always, is one word: Trump. And it trumps everything. It’s never a policy because they never mention it. Instead, they prattle on about nebulous fears while pandering to a party that imports murderers and rapists because, apparently, ours aren’t up to the task. And they wrote a similar letter in 2020.

And how has it worked? We already know. It's like I've been circumcised with a fork for the last four years. We could go through the list of disasters, from the border to Afghanistan, to crime, to inflation, not to mention the strange staffing decisions.

Shouldn't these truth-tellers, then, at least admit that their support came at a cost? Or could it be that it cost them nothing at all? They got a reward: the strange new respect of the media, invitations to cocktail parties previously forbidden to them, a guest spot on CNN sniffing Jim Acosta's farts.

And so, after four years of leftist madness, they did it again, as if nothing had happened in the meantime. And, as you know, it's not bad politics. Hell, even Harris is stealing Trump's jobs.

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Instead, she refused to do it her way. In some ways, it's like suing the doctor who saved your life because he shaved your head to remove the tumor. Now they're up in arms like Liz Warren at a Columbus Day parade.

You know, there's no doubt that these Republicans suffered from the left the same insults that Trump is receiving now. Every day they called George W. Bush a war criminal. They considered Romney a bigot, a fanatic who would put black people back in chains. And there's McCain, who was very much loved by the media until he ran against Obama. Then he became the old reactionary fanatic who would bomb Iran and start World War III.

It's obvious that these Republicans are more full of shit than a hotel toilet at an Irritable Bowel Society convention. In reality, they're nothing more than swamp rats terrified of the orange monster because he changed the script. When Trump came along, nothing went according to plan.

Republican or Democrat, there is an approved way to do these things: approved pipelines for producing candidates. And Trump unclogged that pipeline with a hose full of Ex-Lax. No wonder they act like Mike Tyson punched them in the prostate.

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But remember, Democrats may be able to capture 238 drones, but Trump got a Tulsi and an RFK, Jr. And that's a deal I'll take any day because those two aren't just signing letters, they're putting themselves out there offering ideas and discussing solutions — people who, like Trump, are willing to break the mold.

So if you're truly radical, a rebel in the purest sense, how can you not do the same? You know, they sued Trump, they tried to arrest him, they tried to kill him, they changed the laws and the ways we vote to prevent him from winning, they embarrassed, attacked and deceived, not only him, but his supporters as well.

What does that tell you? It's scary. Scarier than a court-ordered orgy on “The View.” So this is the moment when you ask yourself: Do you want to join a shitty petition or a pirate ship full of scary people?

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The good thing about being on a pirate ship is that you've already decided that you don't give a damn what people think. You're free, freer than those sissies signing petitions.

Unlike them, you are not desperate for acceptance. You are your own person. You don't need to belong to anyone. You just need to be honest, especially on November 5th.