Aging has its downsides, if you haven't noticed.
But are there any benefits to getting older, other than the fact that it's better than the alternative?
I asked that question readers a few weeks ago, and apparently the answer is yes, yes, yes, yes and yes again, according to the hundreds of readers who participated.
“When I asked for early boarding on a flight this month,” Betty Hechtman said, “the airline person didn’t even ask me why, they just gave it to me.”
California is about to be hit by a wave of aging, and Steve Lopez is taking advantage of it. His column focuses on the advantages and disadvantages of advancing age, and how some people are challenging the stigma associated with older adults.
Next time I'm standing in line for a Southwest Airlines flight and my boarding number is C56, I'll try the Hechtman Hustle and see if it works.
According to Mark Slocum, another big advantage of stacking birthdays is that expectations are lower. “I never hear anyone say, ‘Grandpa, could you please move this refrigerator?’ or ‘Grandpa, could you please climb up and fix the roof?’”
And speaking of being a grandparent, Slocum said his skills in that department are rarely in question. If he keeps the kids safe, he said, he can get away with saying things like, “Do you guys want milkshakes with those breakfasts?”
As I noted in my June 22 column, I took this idea from “Three Not-So-Bad Things About Aging and Longevity,” a weekly newsletter affiliated with the Stanford Longevity Center.
Some readers submitted a single thought on the topic, while others, apparently with plenty of time on their hands, compiled lists of 10 or more. I regret that there is only room for a fraction of the responses, but I would like to share a few of my favorites, starting with this observation from Linda Heisen:
“I wear a bra much less,” she said. “I let freedom flow.”
Heiden had more to contribute, as instead of a to-do list, she has a forget-it-all list. She is not a fan of the ever-popular retirement activities like learning a language or learning to play an instrument, “I suck at both.” Her motto is to do what works for her, “even if that means disagreeing with my doctor and not increasing my statin dosage to lower my LDL cholesterol below 80. No more chasing magic numbers!”
This kind of frank and liberated attitude is reflected in the answers, especially when it comes to fashion.
“There are advantages to being invisible,” says Stephen Wilson. “I finally realized that no one cares what I wear. If I wanted to, I could dress like a Walmart customer.”
Time becomes more precious as we age, and we earn the right to use it as we wish, perhaps by practicing tai chi chuan.
(ulza/ulza – stock.adobe.com)
Gary Fisher doesn't just stare at his closet, either. “I wear cargo pants or shorts and a Hawaiian shirt pretty much everywhere,” he said. “I consider this to be the height of fashion.”
You won’t find Marian Sunabe at Bloomingdale’s, either. “You go from dressing for others to dressing for yourself,” Sunabe said. “I can wear any fun, trendy, COMFORTABLE clothes I find at the thrift store!”
That kind of self-assured, this-is-who-I-am mindset can be liberating, as Madeleine Fisher Kern recounted when she told me she stopped bothering to touch up her hair color.
“I finally had the courage to allow my sparkling snow-white cloak to emerge to the oohs and aaahs of friends and strangers alike,” she said.
And Fisher Kern offered another interesting insight: “As humans continue to disrespect each other and their environment,” she said, she worries about her younger loved ones, but sees an upside for herself. “I won’t be here to experience all the ugliness of it all.”
Many readers mentioned what I will call the Free Pass advantage, of calmly going through the final stretch of life.
Meg Hassenpflug said she realized “there’s no need to associate with people you don’t like.” Kay Bloor said she no longer feels obligated to “attend events I’d rather not go to.”
Excellent points, and I second the idea. Time becomes more precious as the home stretch approaches, and it's like Social Security: you've earned the right to spend it however you want.
Jackie McCone said it perfectly:
“If you want to play the age card, for whatever reason,” McCone said, “it's 99 percent effective.”
Ken Brock certainly doesn't take half measures.
“I’m retired even from volunteer work,” he said, “and I’m happy not to have to see or deal with people, in general.”
“When it comes to aging,” said Shirley Wells-Ruge, “we are experts simply because we are old. I don’t need another degree, another certificate, another license…”
(Shutterstock)
Let's now move on to some practical, everyday benefits of advancing age.
“I'm not hearing things I didn't want to hear in the first place,” Jaz Kaner said.
“Nobody wants to fight with an older person. There is no sense of glory in it,” wrote Keith Schurer.
There is glory, however, in taking home the gold, as Mark Haendel has done after 50 years of running the trails of Will Rogers Park and competing in races. “As you go up in the older age groups,” Haendel said, “you win a lot of medals.”
He finished last in the race, but first in his age group.
Give that man another gold medal.
I’ve heard from many readers that they speed things up as they get older, taking up new hobbies, going to the gym, volunteering for pet-related causes. One woman said she’d enjoyed spending time with her grandchildren, gardening, and “discovering that sex without intercourse is great, too!”
That's why they say the key to happiness is to never stop learning.
But slowing down works for many people too.
“You can sit back and watch,” as Anne Whitacre said. “Most things are not your problem.”
Once a corporate “worker bee,” Laura Epstein Scully has enjoyed a slower pace of life in retirement and a “morning attitude.” “I look at my to-do list and say, ‘I don’t have to finish any of these today. I can read a book instead.’”
William Shields is on the same clock, “reading novels in my porch swing” and feeling that “this is the happiest time of my entire life.”
Among the other philosophers who weighed in:
Mark Frey, who said: “You finally become an adult and discover that inner child that you repressed all these years.”
Ron Dean, who wrote: “I notice the colors and shapes of the world a lot more. They are quite extraordinary.”
And Daryl Studebaker, who said, “I’m not in a hurry to get there, but I’m more curious about what I find along the way.”
Mike Lyons and his husband have found something timeless in Griffith Park, where they walk their dog.
“My God, the world is beautiful,” she said. “The trees, the changing seasons, the play of light and shadow in the city. I have given myself over to beauty, wonder and gratitude. The world is amazing… I have never felt it so deeply.”
Lyons wasn't done. With the luxury of time, he explained, one can make intelligent decisions about what's important in the world. “I'm glad I forced myself to turn off the news on television,” Lyons said. “I was sinking into despair and anger.
“I still read news from various online sources, but I also limit the amount of time I spend on it. The Olympic test of being an adult is realizing that the world can be brutal and glorious.” at the same timeThe big test is to find the balance between the two, and I intend to fight for this good cause for the rest of my days.”
I could go on and on, thanks to the readers, but for now, just two final thoughts.
“When it comes to aging,” said Shirley Wells-Ruge, “we are experts simply because we are old. I don’t need another degree, another certificate, another license. I am an expert because I am 90 years old. Nobody argues with me; the people who would have are already dead.”
And finally this, from Leah and Norm Schweitzer:
“The good thing about aging,” they said, “is that you don’t have to worry about dying young.”
