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US News Reporter
A woman decided not to wake up her boyfriend.
In a recent Reddit post shared on the popular subreddit “Am I the Asshole?” she explained that the two live together and that he has a hard time waking up due to his ADHD. “He falls asleep when all the alarms go off, which usually means he’s late for work. Sometimes it’s just 10 or 15 minutes, but it can also be up to an hour,” she wrote.
Although his boss likes him, he has recently been given one final warning: he must arrive on time or else lose his job. He has claimed that it is his girlfriend's “responsibility” to wake him up, but she refuses.
“He’s an adult, he’s known he has ADHD since he was a kid and he should have found some method that works by now. The fact that he holds me accountable makes me a caregiver, a mother, instead of a girlfriend,” the Reddit post read.
She has found different techniques and methods to help him, but he has refused to try them or they haven’t worked. When she wakes him up, he usually goes back to sleep. “Not to mention the fact that he is especially grumpy/angry in the mornings and has, on several occasions, yelled at me for both waking him up and not waking him up. And I don’t want to help him if he’s just going to get angry (even though I know he doesn’t mean it),” she added.
“But when his boss gave him his final warning yesterday, I felt so guilty. Because if I had woken him up and been persistent, he wouldn’t be in this situation. So I’m at a dead end. Is it my responsibility? Am I wrong for not helping or should he, as an adult, be able to do this himself?” the post concluded.
After the post, many people took to the comments to defend the woman's decision not to wake up her boyfriend, pointing out that he would have to do it himself if he were single.
“NTA, it’s not your responsibility. If you split up and leave tomorrow, he’ll have to get out of bed on time. He’s delegating to you what is his responsibility simply because you allowed it,” one comment began.
“If he’s not mature enough to hold down a job, he’s definitely not mature enough for a relationship.”
Another commenter agreed and even offered another solution that might help. “It’s up to him to find something that works. You haven’t described a single thing he tried himself to solve the problem, other than holding you accountable. If he had tried everything he could think of and then asked you for help, that would be different,” he wrote.
“When I had trouble waking up for work, I found it was because I woke up in the dark, so it was easy to snooze and go back to sleep. My solution was lights that sync with my alarm, and when it goes off, the room is fully lit. I know other people who have their alarm clocks on the other side of the room, so they have to get up to turn them off. Or there are apps that monitor your sleep cycle and try to wake you up when you’re closest to being awake.”
