Melani Sanders is over it.
You're tired of meticulously putting on your makeup before leaving the house or even having to wear a bra when you run errands. You no longer waste time plucking chin hairs, searching for lost reading glasses due to mental confusion, and, above all, withholding your opinions so as not to offend others.
As a 45-year-old perimenopausal woman, Sanders no longer seeks external validation and is about pleasing people.
The dedication page of his new book sums it up best: “To the jerk who told me I had a “computer case loot.”
Who is this guy? Is Sanders worried about offending you?
She doesn't care.
The author, Melani Sanders, in an outfit she often wears in her social media videos.
(Surej Kalathil Sunman Media)
That's Sanders' mantra in life right now. Last year, the West Palm Beach, Florida-based mother of three founded the We Do Not Care Club, an online “sisterhood” among millions of perimenopausal, menopausal and postmenopausal women “who are putting the world on notice that we just don't care much anymore.” Videos of Sanders on social media show her looking disheveled (in a bathrobe and reading glasses, for example, with extra pairs of reading glasses hanging from her lapels) as she recites members' comments about how they no longer care.
“We don't care if we still wear skinny jeans: they stretch and are comfortable,” he reads impassively. “We don't care if the towels don't match in our house; you have a rag and a towel, use them accordingly.”
Sanders' online community of fed-up women grew quickly. He announced the club in May 2025 and has over 3 million members internationally; Celebrity supporters include Ashley Judd, Sharon Stone and Halle Berry. It's a welcoming, if unexpected, space where women “can finally exhale,” as Sanders says. The war cry? “We don’t give a shit anymore what people think of us.”
That's also the message of Sanders' new book, “The Official Handbook of the We Do Not Care Club: A Guide for Women in Perimenopause, Menopause, and Beyond.” Over it.The book is partly a self-help book, with facts about perimenopause and the transition to menopause; partly a memoir; partly a practical workbook with tools and resources; and part humor book, packed with Sanders' raw, authentic comic style. (Includes a membership card for new club members and cut-out patches with slogans like “lubricated and horny” or “speak your truth.”)
We caught up with Sanders while she was in New York to promote her book and she admitted that she “got overstimulated with all the horns,” she said. But she just. Did. No. Be careful.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
He We Don't Care Club It came about after you had a meltdown in a supermarket parking lot. Tell us about that.
I was in the Whole Foods parking lot. I needed Ashwagandha; that was my holy grail at the time during my perimenopausal journey, and I was out of it. I walked back to my car and looked in the rearview mirror. She was wearing a sports bra that was pushed to one side. My hair was extremely unstructured. He had on a mismatched hat and socks; It was a real disaster. Nothing fit. But at that moment I realized that I didn't care much anymore. I just said, “Melanie, you have to take the pressure off, girlfriend. It's time for you to stop worrying so much.” I decided to hit the record button and see if anyone wanted to join me in starting a club called the We Do Not Care Club. I posted the video and drove home, which took about 20 minutes, and when I got home there was already [gone viral].
You gained hundreds of thousands of new followers, internationally, in 24 hours. Why do you think the post resonated? so much at that time?
I had to analyze it because it was something unreal. What is it about old country Melanie playing a record and asking about a little club she thought maybe 20 or 30 women would want to join? Over the summer, I studied this, made more videos, and listened. It was the relationship. It was the understanding. It was just letting your guard down and saying it out loud. Speaking my truth. Plus, many women have this silent pressure to do everything. But we are at capacity. In the book I talk about how, once I was in perimenopause, I didn't want to have sex with my husband. I didn't want to see my kids, everyone shut the door! And that's a little embarrassing, you know? It's not that I don't love my family. I really do. but I can't do all not anymore. And I think that resonated with many sisters around the world. It was like: now is the time to explode and I think we all did it at the same time.
“The official club manual We don't care”.
(William Morrow)
You entered perimenopause (or “Miss Peri,” as you call her) at age 44, after a partial hysterectomy. How did your life change after that?
I didn't expect it. I knew I had fibroids and that made me uncomfortable. So when I had the hysterectomy, I expected to be a whole person again afterwards. But I just entered this dark place. It was like you were fighting yourself to become normal again. And your body is changing in many ways. For me, that was the hot flashes, the insomnia, the depression, the anger. My joints were very, very stiff all of a sudden. It's like, 'wait a minute, how and why?!!' AND [I got] frozen shoulder. Frozen shoulder was how I found out I was in perimenopause because the doctor who performed my hysterectomy didn't tell me this could happen. And I didn't know who to turn to or where to go because they told me that everything was normal. I was very frustrated with the process, the lack of education, the lack of resources. Lack of compassion, I would even say.
Your book and social media videos are so much fun. Do you have comedy experience?
I don't, and I get asked that often. I just say what's on my mind and sometimes, I guess, it's funny, but I don't try. He [wearing multiple pairs of] Glasses: I do this because, with perimenopause, my eyesight deteriorated very quickly. One day I was in public and I couldn't read. I was just traumatized. So every time I saw glasses, I just put them on because I didn't want to be stuck without them. That neck pillow, when my shoulder froze, I used it a lot. Then one day when I pressed record, I had the neck pillow on and I just didn't care. And it stayed.
You've appeared on television, appeared in publications, and People magazine named you Creator of the Year for 2025. What has this sudden fame been like for you?
It's surreal. I haven't fully processed it yet. There is a lot to take in. I'm just an ordinary woman who decided to press record and accidentally started a movement. Impostor syndrome appears from time to time. But I'm doing my best to accept everything that's happening and continue being Melani.
Has the overwhelming response from new members boosted your own Did you decide to be true to yourself or change yourself personally?
It absolutely has it. It is the strength that brotherhood gives me. Because I'm very afraid. You know, the book is about to be published. And the tour is sold out in several cities. All this in a period of eight months. It's a lot. But when everyone says they love you and when you have a group of women who understand you and feel what you feel, absolutely, there is strength in numbers. Now I don't mind making mistakes.
You live in a very masculine home. What do your children and your husband think of all this?
Once I decided I didn't care anymore, I just hoped they would let things go to hell in the house, but it was just the opposite. My three children and my husband support me a lot. Because it was very sad for me. It was very difficult not wanting to watch movies or anything and just being alone. But they rose to the occasion and make sure everything is done when they are home. They really show how much they love their mom during this time.
How can other men become allies to the women they love during the menopause transition?
Just get out of our way or, you know, just read the room! Because we don't know who we are day to day. We don't know what will hurt us. We don't know what will hurt us, what will itch us or what will dry us out. And if it's a bad day, then honey, it's just a bad day and that's okay.
What are some things that you do Do you still care much?
I care about brotherhood. Because when women come together, it's a game changer. We will move mountains. I just think in this world there is so much pressure, so much overstimulation. That's why I care about being able to live authentically. Feel free. Be okay with who you are. Within WDNC, the two things I definitely want to convey and that I care about are: that you are enough. And you are not alone. And of course I love my children. I love my family immensely.
Where is the WDNC go from here? What is the future?
Withdrawals. It's definitely a dream. Have a weekend retreat where women can come and the only thing you need to bring is clean underwear and panty liners! (You can't laugh properly, sneeze or cough properly without peeing your pants.) No makeup, no nothing, just come and be free. I want three different rooms. One will be the anger room and you'll go in there and just throw things and scream and hit, whatever you want. Then a quiet room. No talking, nothing at all, just silence. And the last room will be the “Let it go” room. That is where we will put everything we have in us, that which we hold on to and that prevents us from living a joyful and peaceful life, we will write it down and let it go. I just want to touch the sisters and let them know it's okay. We're ok. I have my s—step. You have your m… come on. Alright. Let's live.
