Dear Haya,
How can I effectively fulfill my desire to support and improve my parents' lives, while keeping my personal goals and well-being intact? Sometimes, I feel really overwhelmed and guilty, as I try to push myself to work and earn more.
As much as I would love to make my parents happy, I also want to achieve certain goals in life and work towards them, but it is often difficult to strike a balance between the two.
Does prioritizing my goals over my parents' happiness make me selfish?
— A worried daughter
Dear worried daughter,
It's okay to want to support your parents and pursue your own goals and well-being. I understand that balancing these responsibilities can feel overwhelming and lead to feelings of guilt.
Let's explore this in detail.
When you say you want to improve your parents' lives, what do you mean specifically? Be clear about exactly how you want to do it.
When you say you'd like to make them happy, I encourage you to be curious about what would make them happy. Sometimes the way we want to give happiness to others is different from the way they would like to receive it.
As you want to achieve your personal goals and improve your parents' lives, what makes you feel like you have to choose? It may be an “and,” not an “or.” The only limits we put on ourselves are in our own minds.
What makes you selfish in pursuing your goals? What makes you feel like your parents wouldn't be happy if you achieved your goals? I encourage you to explore that.
Talk to your parents about how you feel. Talk to them about your needs, understand theirs, manage their expectations, and create a solid plan for how you can achieve both.
Remember that it is important to remember that prioritizing your goals and your personal well-being does not make you selfish. In fact, taking care of yourself is essential to being able to help others effectively.
Your desire to support and improve your parents’ lives while striving to achieve your own goals is an admirable aspiration. Additionally, it’s crucial to practice self-compassion and understand that it’s okay to prioritize your needs. By maintaining this balance, you can work toward achieving your aspirations without compromising your mental health and personal fulfillment, ultimately allowing you to provide more meaningful support to your parents.
Is
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate wellbeing strategist and trainer with experience in creating organisational cultures focused on wellbeing and mental health awareness.
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