After all the preparation, it was almost expected that Donald Trump would walk on water to get to the stage.
But on Thursday night, the Republican presidential nominee simply strode — against a Las Vegas-style backdrop with gold letters that screamed TRUMP — and stood in front of a columned model of the White House.
The Republican National Convention then came to a close with a rambling, disjointed 93-minute speech that followed a night of testimony about Trump’s record in office, his golf game, his musical taste, his dance moves and many other Trumpian triumphs.
It tested not only credulity, but also the physical ability to stay awake.
Columnists Mark Z. Barabak and Anita Chabria pondered that before rushing off to catch their flights back to California, the place that detractors describe as a stinking hellhole. They left those thoughts behind on the fourth and final night of the convention.
Barrabac: This is the 20th national political convention I have covered. I watched others as a child and have rewatched historical footage.
That was the strangest, most self-indulgent, most awful acceptance speech I've ever heard. What do you think?
Chabria: How boring and a wasted opportunity. Trump had so much good will and faced a stadium full of wide-eyed fans, but he couldn't control his grievance and ego, despite having added a dash of unity to the mix.
In the end, I felt that even he was bored. After improvising for too long, he returned to his prepared text, which inexplicably veered into a deep dive into the War of Independence.
But for me there are two important conclusions.
First, it was a strongman performance. Trump simply repeated over and over that every problem, real or perceived, was within his power to solve (without giving details): immigration, inflation, even cancer. He promised to make them magically disappear, while building an “iron dome” around the United States to protect it from missile attacks.
He even boasted that when he was president, “he could stop wars with just a phone call.”
At some point it became nonsense.
The second conclusion I take away is that bread and circuses (the Roman expression for entertaining the people with a spectacle) were in full swing. We had Kid Rock, Dana White (director of the Ultimate Fighting Championship) and Hulk Hogan.
What did you think of that strange lineup?
Barrabac: In the annals of political history there will surely be a place for Hogan, who proved — in case we needed reminding — that the line between politics and entertainment has blurred to the point of invisibility.
That's nothing new. Heck! We've had a reality TV star in the White House, and he may be back in November for another four seasons.
But has anyone in the history of this great republic ever taken off his shirt at a national political convention to reveal, beneath his still-ripped muscles, a red sleeveless T-shirt endorsing a presidential nomination?
No.
“Throughout my career, I’ve been in the ring with some of the biggest, baddest guys on the planet,” said Hogan, 70, in the raspy voice he uses against stage villains. “Donald Trump is the toughest of them all. They’ve thrown everything at Donald Trump. All the investigations, the impeachments, the court cases, and he’s still standing and kicking their asses.”
But enough was enough, Hogan — whose real name is Terry Bollea — declared to the “real Americans” who responded enthusiastically to his primal call. After the attempt on Trump’s life, Hogan urged them: “Run like hell, brothers! Let Trump mania rule again!”
It was a lot of fun, if you like swagger and pro wrestling. The Fiserv Forum was soaked with testosterone.
But there was a hint of menace when Hogan asked, presumably to those unreal Americans, “What are you going to do when Donald Trump and all the Trump-maniacs turn on you, bro?”
We saw what happened on January 6th.
From his box seat, Trump blew a kiss to Hogan.
But let's take a step back. The big question going into the conference was Trump's tone. He said he had torn up the speech he had planned after Saturday's assassination attempt and had rewritten his remarks to convey a less bellicose, more harmonious and unifying message. Do you think he succeeded?
Chabria: He had his moments, but they were few.
It began with an account of the attempted murder that was discreet and genuine.
Then came the ugly part.
He claimed that undocumented immigration was “killing hundreds of thousands of people a year,” though it was unclear what exactly he meant, and that immigrants were spreading “misery, crime, poverty, disease and destruction to communities across our country.”
He also included a “Chinese virus” and some election conspiracies, including a sinister vision about the 2020 defeat: “The outcome of the election, we will never allow it to happen again.”
At some point, with all the hate, loops, and inconsistencies, it became difficult to listen to.
Did you get to the end of that speech, Mark?
Barrabac: I did it, but it wasn't easy.
The lack of substance was not surprising. Trump has always been a guy who takes policy lightly.
Let's face it: The former president is as much or more of an entertainer than a politician. That's a big part of his appeal. And people who go to his political rallies for entertainment are probably used to the kind of discursive, stream-of-consciousness speech he delivered Thursday night.
Not so for most of those — probably the majority — who tuned in Thursday night to hear Trump speak at length for the first time since leaving the White House three and a half years ago.
He piled tangent upon tangent, and heaped ad-lib upon ad-lib (about Hannibal Lecter and Venezuela as a convention site and the size of the crowds singer Kid Rock draws to his concerts, among other odd digressions), causing his comments to far exceed the attention span of even some of his most loyal devotees. They could be seen streaming out of the room before he finally, mercifully, ended more than a half-hour after his scheduled conclusion.
The long and weak performance was, at the very least, a wasted political opportunity. For those who held out until the end, it was painful.
Chabria: But I also think what he didn't say was notable.
The word “abortion” has not been uttered even once this week. Republicans literally tried to gloss over one of the biggest political issues. We should remember that Ohio Senator JD Vance, a candidate for vice president, has said he would like to see a national ban.
Trump has gone with the “states’ rights” response, but he has also appointed the conservative Supreme Court justices who overturned Roe v. Wade. He could easily create a national ban through executive action using the Comstock Act, a 19th-century law that prohibits the mailing of any item that can be used for an abortion.
So not talking about it was a cowardly move to get votes. We must not forget that.
Did anything else catch your eye?
Barrabac: The effort to humanize Trump and smooth over his rough edges continued in full swing and was at times embarrassing to watch.
Several of those who have had contact with Trump — business associates, people who manage his properties, one of his lawyers, a golf pro at a Palm Beach resort — took the stage to offer varying testimony that was completely fatuous, if not disappointing.
Linda McMahon, a former professional wrestling executive who served as head of the Small Business Administration during the Trump administration, recounted a meeting where one of her grandsons climbed onto her lap and ruffled her hair.
And Trump was TOTALLY FINE with it!
Trump’s lawyer in the bribery and election interference trial, Alina Habba, spoke at length about the injustice of his felony conviction before recounting a moment during the trial when she was outside the courthouse talking to Trump on a cellphone. When a supporter standing near Habba yelled, Trump heard the voice and asked to speak to his admirer. And he did!
The amazement in Habba's voice suggested that the loquacious former president had just turned water into wine right there on the streets of Manhattan.
John Nieporte, the head professional at Trump's golf club in West Palm Beach, Florida, praised Trump as a “great boss and an incredible golfer,” praising his game from the tee shot to the putting green.
“Donald Trump: 21 club championships. Joe Biden, zero,” Nieporte said as if that would decide the election immediately.
It was as emotionally moving as a cardboard box, as if a group of rented friends had come on stage and been told that if there was something nice they'd like to say, they should choose the most banal thing they could.
Sad.
Chabria: It was, as you say, like watching a monk's barbecue: one obsequious testimony after another. I have to admit that some of my favorite shots were of Melania Trump and Usha Vance, whose body language was revealing.
Mrs. Trump's face during Kid Rock's performance was one of pure resistance, and Mrs. Vance seemed to be questioning every life decision that had led her to that moment.
Those two women, both strong and intelligent, were my favorite part of the convention.
Mark, what is your political limit?
Barrabac: I would call it largely a success, although the event would have been much more successful if Trump had not closed it with such a bang.
He had four nights — most of them prime-time television — to polish his presidency and smear Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris. He introduced his new running mate and mini-me, JD Vance. He fired up his MAGA troops. He showed that, at least physically, the attempt on his life has not taken its toll.
(We'll see how long Trump continues to wear that giant bandage.)
That said, it's unclear what kind of recovery, if any, Trump will achieve. Nothing seems to change the fundamentals of this dispiriting presidential race or move public opinion.
Had Trump paused after the gripping account of Saturday's events and walked away with some words of reconciliation and healing, he would have been much better off. He could still get a big boost. Perhaps I underestimate voters' appetite for long-winded rambling.
But in the end, what happened this week on the shores of Lake Michigan may end up not mattering much, given Trump's consistent lead in the polls and Biden's dire situation.
It wasn't necessarily a waste of time, though. The people of Milwaukee were very friendly and there was plenty of beer, sausages and pretzels. Thanks to the readers who joined us this week.
Now let's get back to our Golden State.
