In a matter of days, the relaxed atmosphere of summer vacation will be replaced by the rigid schedules of a new school year.
The transition isn't always easy, even for kids who are eager to get back into the classroom. And if kids are nervous about a new teacher, a new school, or the prospect of making new friends, things can be even more complicated.
As the summer holidays draw to a close, The Times spoke to psychologists about how parents can help their children get back to school. Here are their tips:
Don't wait until the last minute to talk about the new school year.
Instead of having a big conversation, make the transition slowly during the last week or two of summer break, said Samantha Sweeney, a licensed psychologist in Washington, D.C. You might spend a few hours gathering school supplies; another day, you might plan what to pack for lunches. Activities like these provide opportunities for kids to talk about how they feel about the coming year.
“If you bring it up all at once, they get scared all at once,” she said. “Doing it gradually is often easier for kids.”
If your child is anxious to return to school, don't try to dissuade him or her.
It's important to acknowledge their feelings and make them feel heard, experts say.
“If you say, ‘No, no, no, school is great and it’s going to be wonderful,’ they’ll say, ‘You don’t get it’ or ‘You don’t understand,’” said Sweeney, co-author of “Working With Worry: A Workbook for Parents on How to Support Anxious Children.”
Eileen Kennedy-Moore, a clinical psychologist in Princeton, New Jersey, who specializes in parenting and child development, says that trying to convince a child to feel a certain way can have negative consequences. “The more we insist that everything will be okay, the more they will insist that everything will be bad.”
Don't give false guarantees.
It's risky to tell your child that everything will be fine or that school will be the same as last year, because that might not be true, Sweeney said.
Instead, boost their confidence by reminding them of their past successes, such as their history of making new friends. You can also tell them that you'll be there to support them if they need help.
Try to identify the source of your concern.
Are you nervous because you don't know what to expect from a new teacher? Are you using a locker for the first time and worried about forgetting your lock combination?
Once you have a better idea of what you're facing, you and your child can work together to come up with a solution, experts said. Get the ideas flowing by reminding them of times when they've overcome similar problems in the past.
“You’re guiding them, but you’re not giving them all the answers,” said Mary Alvord, a cognitive behavioral psychologist in Rockville, Maryland, and co-author of “The Action Mindset Workbook for Teens.” “My goal with parents is to teach kids to be more proactive, to take initiative. That builds resilience.”
Consider a first day of school dress rehearsal.
This isn't necessary for everyone, but if a child is worried about how they'll get to campus or where to find a bathroom, an essay can ease their worries.
“Knowing what to do can help kids feel more confident that they can cope,” said Kennedy-Moore, creator of the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast.
The school may even allow your child to meet his or her teacher while setting up the classroom, said Sweeney, who has worked as a school psychologist.
“When they walk through the door on the first day and see a familiar face, that can make a big difference,” she said.
Talk about worrying scenarios.
“It’s impossible to anticipate every possible problem, so an important question to ask your child is, ‘Who could help him or her if he or she needs help?’” Kennedy-Moore said.
You may be able to work out some issues ahead of time. For example, if your child is worried about having someone to sit with at lunch, encourage him or her to make a plan with a friend.
A conversation can also help your child realize that the things they're afraid of are very unlikely to happen. If they're afraid that no one will pick them up and they'll have to stay overnight at school, ask them if that's ever happened to them or anyone they know personally.
Encourage children to reconnect with their friends.
Kids may be nervous about seeing some of their classmates for the first time in months. Ease them into the situation by arranging a play date or two before school starts. Older kids may prefer to break the ice by reaching out via text or a social media app, Sweeney said.
Another way to help calm a child's nerves is to have him practice what he'll do when he sees his classmates at school. Kennedy-Moore suggests looking the friend in the eye, smiling, and saying “Hi,” along with the friend's name. Follow up with a sincere compliment (“That's a cool backpack!”) or a question that begins with “how” or “what.”
To further reassure your child, rehearse how you would respond to a likely question. If asked, “How was your summer?” your child might respond, “Great,” followed by a fact such as, “We went to the beach with my cousins,” Kennedy-Moore said.
Give your children time to adjust their sleep schedule.
According to experts, making the transition gradually will make things easier. Wake them up 15 to 30 minutes earlier each morning and encourage them to get dressed and eat breakfast to establish a routine. If starting earlier tires them out, this will also help them fall asleep sooner.
Getting enough rest is an important factor in success in school, said Alvord, an associate professor at the George Washington University School of Medicine and Health Sciences.
“Lack of sleep interferes with emotional regulation and clarity of thought,” she said. “When you’re tired, everything seems much worse.”
But if the new sleep schedule doesn't stick before school starts, don't panic. Just keep after-school hours clear to make it easier for them to go to bed earlier.
“Your kids will get over the jet lag caused by the time change in a few days,” Kennedy-Moore said.
Don't pass on your own anxieties to your children.
Children often look to adults for cues on how to respond in unfamiliar or unusual situations, Kennedy-Moore said.
“If we, as parents, are calm and generally have a positive attitude towards school, it will be easier for children to have positive expectations,” she said.
It may be easier said than done. When it comes to their children, parents tend to worry about the worst-case scenario and see things in all-or-nothing terms, Alvord said. If they can learn to recognize and adjust their thinking patterns, they can help their children do the same, she said.
Focus on the positive.
If the first day of school is a very difficult time for your child, praise him for persevering.
“I’m so proud of you that we’re going to have ice cream,” Sweeney said. “I have a personal philosophy: Ice cream fixes everything.”
