Once upon a time work was work: we endured it so we could eat. But today many of us have made the mistake of anointing work as our primary source of meaning.
Seventy percent of employees say their jobs define their sense of purpose. Meanwhile, my research shows that just 12.5% of us are “totally and absolutely engaged” at work, echoing years of Gallup Data.
In other words, we don't love work, but we want it to love us too. We've heard that if we do what we love, we'll “never work a day,” but we're exhausted and not sure what to do about it. We want more from our work than it can really give us.
We need to stop putting so much pressure on our jobs to make life worth living. As? Taking control of our free hours to create lives that are broad and deep.
We have more agency and opportunities than ever to create vitality in our discretionary time, but we are not taking advantage of them. While most of us don't feel “time-rich,” the average American spends as much as 2.86 hours a day watching television and 2.3 hours on social media.
However, our lives are short. We have an average of only 4,000 Mondays to live on, and we get out of bed to go to work on 2,340 of them.
Fortunately, we can face these facts and improve what remains of our lives.
One brand director I worked with, for example, kept expecting her work to make her “feel whole.” She finally realized that it was like waiting for Santa Claus, she took the reins and created her version of a well-rounded life. She included practicing meditation, volunteering at a memory care center and hosting social potluck dinners. Her work became a mere part of her life.
One disengaged senior executive I worked with took a hard look at his one-dimensional, all-work, no-play existence and recognized, “I need to get a life, right?” He built one by taking salsa lessons and rekindling his love of drawing.
We have been advised to look down on a “job” and even look down on a “career,” hoping for a “vocation.” But can't the call come from inside the house and not from the office?
Those who rely on promotions, raises, and other workplace rewards to achieve happiness inevitably find themselves in a situation of “hedonic treadmill”As each new fancy title loses its shine.
“I finally got the great job I had been longing for,” one executive told me, “and after a month of feeling great, I came home feeling empty inside.” He finally came to understand that his “meaning and sense of importance” could come from outside of his career, he began fundraising for his local library and found a source of purpose.
Another launched a podcast for gamers after starting to “work to live” instead of “live to work.” He said he felt like a pressure valve had been opened and needed less affirmation of his worth. Living with intention outside of work leaves our careers fabulously diminished in perspective.
This doesn't mean we should stay in soul-stabbing jobs that actively harm us. The answer is not to settle for relentless dysfunction.
But living a truly alive life requires more than a career, including:
Find flow: Flow is that fabulously fascinating state of mind that occurs when you are optimally challenged and completely absorbed in an activity. Experienced workers have generally mastered what they do for a living, so the opportunities to learn and grow on the job are fewer than when they were starting out. But fluency can be found outside of work, for example by taking up glass blowing, learning a new language, or earning the next belt in taekwondo. The fans are back!
Recognize that life is an internal job: According to my research, forty percent of adults identify as “significantly bored.” We live dormant existences: work, takeout, Netflix, sleep, repeat. Letting our jobs leave the rest of our lives on autopilot robs us of autonomy, motivation, and well-being. We can start to move away from this by setting aside a little time to do one small thing that will make us feel alive over the next week.
Practicing memento mori: Remembering that we must die and attuning to the finite nature of life helps us see how rare and special it is. Beginning with the “big end” in mind helps us stop taking life for granted. Visualizing the deathbed or obituary can be a powerful exercise that serves as a wake-up call. If you died tonight, what would you regret? (Hint: Too little never works.)
Do you know how many Mondays you have left? It's time to do the math. Work cannot and will not be the exclusive source of our purpose and joy. But we still have time to find both beyond our careers.
Jodi Wellman is a psychologist and executive coach based in Southern California and author of “you only die once: How to get to the end without regrets.”
