In a Fox News interview last week, Donald Trump warned that the best way to avoid becoming addicted to alcohol or drugs is to not start using them.
Now, the only time I didn't vote for a Democrat was to vote for Bernie Sanders. It pains me to say this, but…ugh…Trump is right.
The former president said he had seen incredibly “strong,” “powerful” and accomplished men, including his brother, start drinking and find they simply couldn't stop. He couldn't understand why they couldn't stop; They just couldn't.
Once again you are right.
So, he suggested, don't start. In fact, her advice to the world about addiction could be summed up as: “Just say no.” Which, in theory, is correct.
But when you live in an alcohol-soaked culture that is quick to medicate almost any ailment with pills, that's not practical either. More than impractical, it is dangerous.
Yes, if you don't come into contact with anything that causes cancer, your chances of getting cancer will be significantly lower. Oh, have you been out in the sun, eaten meat, or experienced stress yet? Well, then maybe you should have thought about your choices. Good luck to you, though.
We've tried this approach before. Some of us are old enough to remember First Lady Nancy Reagan's “Just Say No” campaign. And although I spent 12 years in various recovery rooms and heard hundreds of thousands of deeply diverse narratives about addiction and sobriety, I never heard anyone say, “Nancy Reagan said, 'Just say no,' and that was the day. I left it for always”.
At the center of this argument is the notion that willpower is always the best defense. Even as a child or teenager, you must resist billions of dollars in alcohol and drug advertising and embrace abstinence. You must learn from the mistakes of others at an early age.
I have a 6 year old daughter. My first drink was at 12. So it's already halfway there.
What we know about addiction is that it is about 40% to more than 70% determined by genetics. So my daughter's chances are pretty good. If we add to this my mother's story, my grandfather's story, etc., the odds seem even better, which is to say worse.
So what I want to yell at him is, “Just say no!” I think about all the times I almost died (from alcohol poisoning, drunk driving, and more) and I really wish I could tell her to never drink and that she would listen to me.
There is an irrational but sincere desperation about it. I barely made it out alive. What happens if she doesn't? Can't she just say no?
And yet, at 6 years old he already ignores my advice. I'm already having a hard time getting him to finish eating something healthy before he orders dessert.
But what if a friend eats something healthy? If a cousin mentions that he likes broccoli? She will try.
And so it's happening: Her circle of friends is helping her determine what she puts in her body. Her opinions mean a lot. And they'll be the ones to be there with her the first time someone offers her a drink at a party.
I ask my sober friends with kids, “What do you say?” Someone I really admire tells them, “If you ever have trouble, I'll be there to help you.”
Recognizing that it is coming, like all aspects of letting go of a child, is terrifying. And for addicts, who know what awaits their children, it is almost impossible. But the best parenting doesn't prevent damage from occurring; helps build resilience for when this happens.
I get “Just say no.” I wish it worked. But that's simply not the case.
So instead, let's try “I'll be there for you.” Let's talk about reducing harm, getting help, and being honest.
I'm glad Trump is talking about addiction on Fox News. It's a win and I hope he does it again. However, next time I hope he talks about how we can all be there for the person starting out.
Sean Daniels is a person in long-term recovery who runs the Recovery Project in Sarasota, Florida, and is the anti-stigma director of Live Tampa Bay.
