When I moved to Los Angeles with my girlfriend in early 2023, I didn't know anyone in the city and was working remotely. How do you make friends, I wondered, when you don't need to be anywhere? This time last year, it was clear that my world had gotten smaller. After returning from a wonderful Thanksgiving in San Diego with my partner's family, I realized that I hadn't missed celebrating with anyone in Los Angeles, and no one in Los Angeles had missed me.
Loneliness was new to me. I became one of many Americans who increasingly struggle with isolation, which is bad for our physical and mental health. But in searching for a way to make Los Angeles more like home, I discovered an unexpected escape from the loneliness that came with building a community, exploring new neighborhoods, and overcoming outdated gender norms: I learned to cook.
The first place I felt connected to the city was a market in Pico-Robertson. The products of my childhood anchored me in this new and unknown place: Israeli soup powder. Tnuva cheese. Bamba Bags (Peanut Butter Puffs). I had little idea what I was supposed to do with the various ingredients. But since I only worked part-time, what I did have was time.
So one Tuesday afternoon, I found myself finely chopping a mountain of herbs without a food processor, preparing a stew for an anniversary dinner. The next week, I punched a piece of challah dough, paused and rewinded a video demonstrating how to braid six strands of bread into something presentable.
My camera roll contains an archive of these little steps (and missteps) in the world of cooking. The challah was a golden success, but it was followed by pitas that didn't fill up. My hummus, sprinkled with paprika and pine nuts, looked and tasted delicious, but even my little nieces could have done a better job than me decorating the vanilla blueberry cake I baked.
Having the space and time to experiment with food allowed me to leave behind the guy who once tried to make macaroni and cheese by mixing pasta and a block of orange-tinged cheddar cheese. And cooking, in turn, helped me explore Los Angeles and, little by little, find a connection.
Moving to a new city means learning which neighborhoods are best for different types of cuisine. In Los Angeles, that was Westwood for Persian food, Koreatown for barbecue and fried chicken, Sawtelle for ramen, Fairfax and Olympic for Ethiopian food, and pretty much anywhere for tacos. Cooking taught me that this diversity exists both in ingredients and in restaurants.
Elat Market in Pico-Robertson is where I buy the dried Persian limes and herbs I need to make ghormeh sabzi. When I first started making sushi, I bought nori, rice vinegar, and tuna at Marukai in Sawtelle. Thai Town's Bangluck and Silom are my stops for rice noodles and hot peppers for pad kee mao. Wandering around in search of specialty ingredients that Trader Joe's or Bristol Farms don't typically stock is a great way to get to know the city.
It's also a great way to meet people. Last year, my girlfriend and I organized a last-minute Passover seder after realizing that some of her coworkers didn't have anyone to celebrate with. We hosted other acquaintances-turned-friends for pizza nights, and we invited people we met at college alumni events and ended up cooking stir-fries together.
Extending cooking to the area of hospitality taught us to embrace traditional festivals and combine less conventional reasons for inviting people. Our next Chrismukkah party will also celebrate Shab-e Yalda, the Persian winter solstice, and many of the people attending are those we have become close to at past dinners.
Everyone can benefit from cooking. Nearly three in four American adults are overweight or obesityand some studies have found that cooking at home is associated with better health, whether one is trying to lose weight or not. I spent three months in Italy before moving to Los Angeles, and upon returning home, my doctor warned me that I needed a change. Cooking more (including pizza and burgers) has helped me lose 30 pounds and counting.
Cooking can also reduce anxiety. Offers an outlet for frustration: move on and In fact work that dough. It can make you take yourself less seriously when you inevitably spill things (for me, that's pretty common) or when you pretend to be a chef in “The Bear.” Most importantly, it can help you find and deepen new friendships.
Men may have the most to gain from learning to cook. Data from the American Time Use Survey, in which Americans share how much time they spend on daily activities, suggests that while men cook more than in previous years, it is still much less than women.
This Thanksgiving, my girlfriend's family is coming to Los Angeles and we're all having dinner at a family friend's house. I'll probably bring a challah and also make some homemade bagels and lemon ricotta pancakes for when everyone comes to our place for lunch the next day. My forays into cooking excite me because one day my partner and I will be able to host a proper Thanksgiving.
For all of us, loneliness can drive to increased risk of cardiovascular disease, depression, anxiety and premature death. Cooking will not solve this problem on its own. But if you're feeling lonely this holiday season, embracing cooking can be a path to forging stronger connections for the holidays to come. In a society where many people are hungry for connection, a home-cooked meal is a great place to start.
Nadav Ziv is a writer living in Los Angeles.
