That feeling of impending doom? Don't ignore it. The end of the world could be right around the corner, through a natural disaster or a block party with DJ Khaled, even if most of us don't spend much time thinking about it. The history of our planet is full of close calls: massive asteroids that almost collided with Earth, supervolcanoes, plagues, the Cuban missile crisis. And these days we have Kim Jong Un, who acts like he can push the big red button just to see what it does, and other real-life Bond villains (and wannabes) with buttons of their own. The near ending no longer seems so far-fetched.
So why aren't fallout shelters more common? No one I know has one, and I know plenty of people, some of whom are rich enough to live in million-dollar homes. If that sounds familiar, consider this: What's another $60,000 or so between friends? It will give you a nice 200 square foot underground shelter, capable of withstanding a nuclear bomb. Too much? You can get a precast concrete bunker half the size for about $20,000.
If the world as we know it ends, you will have a place to go. If not, you can use the space as a study or games room – useful in case of a later cataclysm, as repopulating the planet may be the first thing on your new to-do list.
However, there is an inconvenient problem. Pre-planning of this nature can make you look like a nut, especially if you won't stop talking about it. That goes double if you have a dedicated YouTube channel. And many people who have fallout shelters have made it their own thing. That means that when everything calms down, those who remain will mostly be doomsday preppers, also known as cranks. Unless we want them to inherit the Earth, we'll need to dilute the gene pool with some sensible, well-adjusted people, the type who would never think of building a bunker.
Trying to convince normal people to build bunkers is not advisable. If you go that route, be prepared for arguments against your position, the main of which have to do with necessity, or rather lack thereof. “I don't need one,” says the man with a Rolex on his wrist, a boat he never uses in his garage, and a piano he doesn't know how to play in his living room. Since when does not needing something get in the way of buying it? Prepare for the flood, lest you drown like Noah's neighbors, I tell you. A false sense of security is dangerous at the best of times, let alone in times like these.
The masters of the universe, nuclear button or no, don't know how to deflect a world-ending asteroid or an electromagnetic solar flare. They also cannot stop a tsunami, an earthquake or a hurricane. These are tremendously complicated issues that require a lot of money, effort and time to resolve, which is boring. It's cheaper, faster, and more fun to build bunkers for themselves and hope, for the sake of the rest of us, that day never comes. If he does, all the king's horses and men will go into hiding while the rest of us will be left burning.
So I'm building my own, filled with Twinkies and potassium iodide pills. I urge you to do the same. Remember, you're only crazy if you keep talking about it over and over again (like I'm doing now). But if you set it and forget it, no one will notice.
If I close my eyes, I can see it: you're in your bunker and I'm in mine, and I'm holding a CB radio and trying to find you in a post-apocalyptic world.
“This is Tamim Almousa, leader of the Build a Bunker movement. Is there anyone out there?
“Yes, I'm DJ Khaled, can you hear me?”
Damn.
Tamim Almousa is an editor and screenwriter.
