It all started when I needed some space and time for myself. I went down to the basement (it was cool and dark) and decided to stay there for a couple of days. It was a hot summer and I was fed up. I am a Maine Coon cat. I am always wrapped up in a fabulous, albeit heavy, fur coat.
I was enjoying the respite – a little meditation, a little yoga. I don’t know how long I was there. A day? Two? Maybe three? Then Anna, my owner, found me. She was ecstatic to see her Miss Sassy. A little too giddy. Okay. Whatever.
She seemed to think I was missingShe was in the basement! How could you not have noticed? Does she never go down to the basement? I go down there all the time when I need a break.
Anyway, she took me upstairs and showered me with food. And soon after, all the headlines started to appear. My stay in the basement (when Anna couldn't find me) had been reported to the police and our Haitian neighbors had labeled it a kidnapping. What? Then ashamed.
First of all, they're the coolest neighbors. And second of all, have you ever seen a Maine Coon cat? I'm a giant, tough cat. Who would kidnap me and live to tell the tale? I'd claw them into shreds of meat.
Look, nobody likes attention more than me. And for a moment I felt okay with all that. I was in the Hindustan Times!
But why didn't Anderson Cooper try to get me on his show? He had invited the mayor of our city, Springfield, Ohio. I would have been on his show without hesitation. delicate.
On September 17, 2024, in Springfield, Ohio, mugs reading “Say a good word for Springfield or say nothing at all” are displayed in the window of the Champion City Guide & Supply store.
(Carolyn Kaster/Associated Press)
But I finally realized that it was too big a step, even for me. People in my neighborhood don't kidnap cats or, ugh, eat them. I honestly doubt we taste good and I'm sure dogs definitely wouldn't taste good, and I just don't want to think about it.
It took me a while to realize that I had become part of a political kabuki theater to demonize immigrants, something I don't want to be a part of. Well, I'm an immigrant. OK, I'm from Maine, but there are a lot of theories that claim part of my heritage goes back to the Vikings. I love that.
Most of all, I want things to go back to normal in Springfield. This is a very serious problem and I need it to go away. I want to be able to spend time with the Haitian neighbors again.
