W.hen Jolie Steele, a mother of two, separated from her now ex-husband in 2022, she was prepared to completely reorganize her professional and personal life. But when she encountered financial difficulties that she had never had before, she turned to her friends for support, in the form of filing for divorce.
speaking to The independent, Steele, who lives in Columbus, Ohio, acknowledged how eye-opening the initial stages of their divorce were from a financial perspective. “I realized how quickly your income drops by half and your living expenses pretty much stay the same,” she said. “Everything you have accumulated (all your assets, as the court calls them) is divided. So I had been talking to friends and they were asking me, 'What do you need? How I can help?'”
Because Steele is the primary caregiver for her children and only worked part-time when she was married, she said her divorce hit her hard financially. Although she admitted that she initially found it inappropriate to accept monetary help from her friends, she wrote down everything she needed and then turned to Fresh Starts Registry, where she created an official divorce registry.
After her own divorce in 2019, Olivia Dreizen Howell came up with the idea for a divorce registry out of her own need. speaking to The independentHowell, a mother of two, recalled having to part with what she described as “emotionally charged items” when her ex moved out with her belongings.
“So these were the sheets we slept on together, the monogrammed towels from our wedding registry, right?” She explained. “So my sister, Jenny, came over and we did a sweep of the house and we thought, 'Will it be really hard to have these items in my space while I'm trying to heal?' Since divorce is a period of mourning.”
While she needed to replenish from a practical (and emotional) perspective in the months following the divorce, Howell did a quick Google search for divorce records and realized they didn't exist. That changed in 2021, when she and her sister Genevive “Jenny” Dreizen, who had recently ended her own relationship of more than 10 years, teamed up to launch Fresh Starts Registry.
Using Amazon as a registry engine, Fresh Starts Registry offers different packages to replenish a home after a divorce. The items in each package are organized by category, including items for the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, living room, and kids' room. Requests can also be quite simple, from a hamper for a child's bedroom to a package of Meyer hand soap for the kitchen, and users can choose what they want and need by mixing and matching items from each package. Dreizen and Howell also rely on their Amazon store, explaining that they have searched through reviews of these products and carefully selected them, so people don't have to worry about new sheets, which could replace the ones they shared with an ex. , They are good. good quality.
While it may seem strange to ask your friends to donate to your gift list after a divorce, since lists are typically used to celebrate a positive milestone like a wedding or the arrival of a baby, Fresh Starts Registry guides you through of it. “We give them scripts to literally copy and paste into text messages to their friends,” Howell explained. “It could be like, 'Hey, you know? I'm going through a big change in my life: I'm getting divorced. Many of my friends and family have asked me how they can support me right now. There's no pressure, but here are some things to give the kids and I a fresh start.'”
For her record, Steele opted for a variety of household items, such as weights since she was no longer going to the gym, and a Roomba vacuum cleaner because she had less time to clean. He also picked out containers for flour and sugar, and paper games and markers for her children. Although the items on her divorce registry were not glamorous, like those you might find on a wedding registry, she said the list was made up of the essential items she needed in her life after being so financially affected by her divorce.
“As someone who was the primary caregiver for children, my income changed dramatically. Specifically, it dropped by more than half when I got divorced. So there were several months where I was saving money and trying to find ways to make ends meet,” she said. “With the registration I even ordered things like double A batteries because there are many things in my house that need them. When you budget down to the penny, spending $20 on batteries seems like a lot right now. “Fresh Starts Registry helped me alleviate some of the anxiety over the little things in life that were taking a toll on me financially.”
Research has shown that in heterosexual relationships, divorces negatively impact women more than men. A 2020 study by The journal of gerontology It found that in divorces of couples aged 50 or older, women experienced a 45 percent decline in their standard of living, while men experienced a 21 percent decline. Researchers identified standard of living as the degree of wealth and material comforts accessible to individuals.
The financial burdens that come with a divorce is another reason Dreizen and Howell started Fresh Starts Registry. According to the couple, registries are beneficial for much more than just giving someone a gift.
“We look at it as a bridge between those who need support and those seeking to support them,” Dreizen said. The independent. “Sometimes something you hear when people talk about this negatively is, 'Oh, you just send out this record and expect people to buy things from you?' And it's like, no, connection is everything and so is how you talk to people about it. Asking for help is a very vulnerable thing to do. “We want to give people permission to ask for support and celebrate when they do.”
For those who don't have the financial means to contribute to a friend's divorce record, but who may be looking for affordable ways to support their friends, Dreizen recommends offering meal ideas for their kids or sending them a simple text to check in. How are you doing.
“Take them on errands with you so they don't think about their divorce for a couple of minutes,” Dreizen suggested. “Help them back up their phone data so all text messages with their ex are saved. Then delete messages with your ex from your phone, so you have everything in perpetuity, but don't have to keep looking at those texts. “There are so many really amazing ways to support people that don't cost anything.”
Dreizen and Howell have stayed true to their brand name, with the goal of helping people find a “fresh start” after getting divorced. Howell, who is also a clinical hypnotherapist and life coach, shared her belief that with new elements to replace old, positive affirmations from loved ones, people can truly feel like they are entering a new stage of their life.
“Just hearing the term new beginning itself helps us look at a negative situation and completely reframe it, not in a positive, toxic way, but in a positive way, like, 'Okay, this happened to me and now this happens to me.' . making decisions on my own from a safe and strong position about what I want to move forward with,'” he explained. “So records help you decide what things bring you joy. And you get to see those things that bring you joy from the people you love.”
