We live in an era of placeless possibility: a time when we can instantly contact another person no matter where they are on the planet through any medium. We can catch up with friends and family, network, and even go on virtual dates. We can connect with hundreds simultaneously by approaching from remote locations.
Based on all this, it would be easy to assume that place no longer matters. But in a world that is becoming increasingly virtual, place actually matters a lot more than we think. While technology can increase the number and efficiency of our connections, the relationships that matter—those we rely so heavily on for our well-being—are firmly rooted in physical places.
At the same time, “A growing portion of the American population now experiences isolation regularly.” wrote Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a psychology professor at Brigham Young University who has studied the problem extensively. We are more likely to live alone, less likely to be married, and have fewer children than previous generations.
Many of us live across the country or even the world, far from our closest friends and family. TO 2020 study by Karl Pillemer of Cornell University found that more than a quarter of us are separated from a close relative. Put another way: we have fewer guests at our Christmas gatherings than before.
Our increasing social disconnection and isolation have become a public health crisis, damaging child developmentcontributing to more deaths of despair and exacerbating polarization and mistrust. Many studies have shown that health and happiness depend on the strength of our relationships, not only with family and friends, but also with acquaintances, neighbors and the rest of our broader social support networks. And as the COVID-19 shutdowns taught us, online relationships are not comparable substitutes for in-person interactions.
We often feel helpless in the face of this large-scale social disconnection. But each of us can take a step to address it this holiday season by inviting a neighbor to eat with us.
Modern life downplays the relationships, commitments and shared experiences between neighbors. But we should not underestimate the strength of the bonds that shared geography can create between people who would otherwise feel little connection and might even be on opposite sides of ideological divides. Like family and friends, neighbors are “relational nutrients for a healthy person,” said Howard Lawrence of the Abundant Community Initiative in Edmonton, Canada.
Neighborhood ties are especially important in times of crisis. During a deadly 1995 heat wave in Chicago, the North Lawndale neighborhood suffered more than six times as many deaths as South Lawndale, even though the two places were socioeconomically similar. In its “social autopsy”of the incident, sociologist Eric Klinenberg attributed the difference to South Lawndale's healthy social life, strong civic organizations, and a low crime rate, which fostered greater social connectivity and stronger norms related to helping those in need.
Our culture values the ability to solve our problems and figure things out for ourselves. If a child gets sick at school and needs to be picked up in the middle of the workday, many of us are more likely to muddle through than call a grandparent, family friend, or neighbor. And fewer of us can turn to local organizations, religious congregations, or other local support networks that were ubiquitous in previous generations.
Many of us unknowingly choose efficiency over depth of connection. We might think that our time is much better spent at the gym than at a block party or community fundraiser. Corporate culture reminds us that time is money, so we keep our precious few hours of free time to ourselves.
This comes at a cost: “If we do not know our neighbors, are not active in local community life, pay others to raise our children and provide services to our elders, and try to buy our way to a good life, we pay a high price,” wrote John McKnight and Peter Block in “The Abundant Community.” “We produce, however unintentionally, a weak family, a neglected community, and a nation desperately trying to revive itself from the top down.”
It's time to reverse course. What is efficient in the moment may not be best for us or our society over time.
Holiday celebrations often revolve around family, but this season also provides great opportunities to extend a hand to those who live nearby, especially those who might be alone or going through a difficult time. Do your part to reduce isolation and division and take the initiative to invite a neighbor over for dinner.
Seth D. Kaplan is a professor at the School of Advanced International Studies at Johns Hopkins University and author of “Fragile Neighborhoods: Repairing American Society, One Zip Code at a Time.”
