My mother passed away in 2021. She left her estate equally to my sister, brother and me. My brothers were named co-executors of her will. It was relatively easy to organize his house and belongings and distribute the money. My sister insisted on taking care of everything: “I've got it,” she said when we offered to help. Most of the funds were distributed shortly after my mother's death. But there is a balance of $150,000 left. When my brother asked my sister to distribute it, she sent a long email saying that she deserved to get paid for her work. My brother and I are surprised, sad and angry: the will says nothing about payment to the executors. My sister was a large beneficiary and her work ended 18 months ago. If she wanted to get paid for what I consider an act of love, she should have mentioned it from the beginning. Thoughts?
BROTHER
Let's put aside the knee-jerk reaction (“What a greedy sister!”) and consider this issue further. When wills are silent or do not explicitly prohibit payment to executors, most states have laws that set guidelines for their reasonable payment, usually an hourly rate or a small percentage of the estate. However, in my experience as an attorney, executors of family estates who are also beneficiaries often waive payment.
Still, and I say this with respect, it is easy for you to call your sister's work easy or suggest that it be done for free (as an “act of love”) when, despite your offers, you did neither. Having served as executor of my mother's estate, I can report that she took a long time and, furthermore, that she would not have accepted a dime for it. So maybe you and your sister are right?
Ask a local attorney what compensation co-executors of your mother's estate are entitled to under state law. Unless her mother was extremely rich, she won't be anywhere near $150,000. But if the estate is still pending and state law allows payment to executors, her sister has the right to ask the probate court for reasonable payment for her work. Inevitably, this will cause hard feelings between you, and I'm sorry. So, for those making wills, remember to stipulate whether executors are entitled to payment for their services.
The stench on the other side of the road
My husband and I moved to the suburbs with our two young children. Our house is close to a neighbor's house on one side, just six feet away. The problem: We recently smelled cannabis inside our house that seemed to seep in from outside. We suspect it's coming from our neighbors – they're the closest and the smell was stronger on their side of the house. How can we politely tell them that the smell bothers us?
NON SMOKER
I get the big picture: you don't like the smell of cannabis. But I don't understand the details. If your neighbors smoke in the narrow alley between their houses, ask them politely: “Could I smoke on the other side of your house, please?” The smell is wafting up to us.”
But if you think the smoke is coming from inside your house, passing through the narrow yard, and seeping into your house, I suggest you call a contractor to check the seals around your windows and doors. Aside from the smell of cannabis, heating a drafty home will be expensive this winter.
Step one: confirm there is a problem
My husband and I were very close with another couple. (Think: going out every week and traveling together.) Now, they don't start meetings and always seem busy when we do. This is not the case with other friends, according to social networks. Should we stop making the effort? That seems wrong, given our history.
FRIEND
If I've done something to upset a close friend or if one of them wants a break, I'd rather know. Misunderstandings are inevitable and I like to try to solve them. (Not everyone feels that way. I respect that too.)
You or your husband could say to one of them, “We miss seeing you. Did we do something that bothered you? Then listen. Your friend can tell you or shy away from it. It may also take some time to get an honest answer, but I think the question is worth asking.
His wife wants her 'partner' to be degraded
My husband has a flirtatious colleague. (She flirts with everyone). They work for a large nonprofit organization and have begun referring to each other as “partners.” I have heard people use this term when they become equity shareholders (“I became a partner”), but not when they simply work for the same company or use it only to refer to each other. My husband says it's normal. Is he?
WIFE
Not in my experience. Years ago, coworkers used the terms “office husband” and “office wife” to humorously refer to their (platonic) colleague—the person with whom they had lunch, took coffee breaks, and chatted most frequently. (I haven't heard of them being used recently.)
Unless your husband and his coworker are part of a dedicated two-person team, your nomenclature seems strange to me and your husband's attempt to normalize it sounds like a scam. Ask him to be more mindful of boundaries with her colleague.
For help with your awkward situation, send a question to [email protected], Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on platform
