The negative impact of over-apologizing on relationships

Over-apologizing in a relationship can be detrimental to both the person and the relationship itself. While apologizing is important to make amends for mistakes, over-apologizing can have harmful effects. Constantly saying “I’m sorry,” even when you’re not at fault, can undermine your self-esteem, reinforce the belief that you’re always wrong, and lead to feelings of inadequacy. Over time, this can create an unhealthy power imbalance, where one partner feels inferior. Plus, when apologies become too frequent, they lose their meaning, making genuine apologies seem less sincere and potentially less valued by your partner.

Mental health therapist Shaurya Gahlawat talks about over-apologizing in a relationship on her Instagram account. She said, “Often, we apologize so frequently that it becomes second nature. Whether it’s a quick “sorry” for being late or a more serious apology for a minor inconvenience, these frequent apologies can undermine our confidence and send mixed signals to others about our self-worth. It’s important to evaluate our tendency to over-apologize and consider how this habit affects ourselves and our interactions with others.”

Here are some ways to break the habit of over-apologizing:

1. Recognize the root cause. Over-apologizing can be due to anxiety, a people-pleasing tendency, or low self-esteem. Identifying the root of your habit will help you address it. According to Shaurya Gahlawat, “Understand why you tend to apologize, whether it’s out of habit, fear of conflict, insecurity, or a need for validation. Identifying the reason can help you address the underlying problem.”
2. Replace Apologies with GratitudeThe therapist says it is better to express gratitude rather than constantly apologizing. She gives the example of saying “sorry for the wait” instead of “thank you for your patience.”
3. Pause and reflectBefore you apologize, take a moment to evaluate whether the situation really warrants an apology. This helps distinguish between genuine mistakes and unnecessary apologies.
4. Set boundariesBe aware of your boundaries and avoid apologizing for them. According to therapist Shaurya Gahlawat, “It’s okay to prioritize your well-being without always feeling the need to apologize.”
5. Reword your languageInstead of apologizing for things that don’t require it, try reframing it. For example, instead of saying “I’m sorry I bothered you,” say “Do you have a moment?” This shift focuses on gratitude and assertiveness instead of blame, making your communication more positive and confident. If over-apologizing is rooted in deeper emotional or psychological issues, such as anxiety or past trauma, seeking support from a therapist can help you develop healthier self-esteem and communication skills. While apologies are crucial to maintaining harmony in relationships, over-apologizing can negatively impact self-esteem and relationship dynamics. A balanced approach is essential for mutual respect and healthy communication.