The billionaire's flying brick: Ineos Grenadier Trialmaster

tThe Ineos Grenadier is a car full of contradictions. It looks very similar to one of the most familiar vehicles: the original Land Rover, first built in 1948 and later known as the “Defender”, and not to be confused with the new, much more contemporary Defender.

However, a Grenadier is not a Defender, and bears a much less familiar name and insignia: “Ineos”, the huge petrochemical group owned by Britain's richest man (with a net worth of £23bn), Sir Jim Ratcliffe. He also owns 25 per cent of Manchester United, as if he didn't have enough to worry about.

You might expect the Grenadier (because of its owner, its name and because it is so reminiscent of the classic Defender) to be a thoroughly British modern icon. In fact, that was once the intention – to build it at a former Ford plant in Bridgend, south Wales – but that plan was abandoned when Smart's factory in Hambach became vacant.

The design is British, but the only UK-made component is the plastic grille, which comes from the Ineos parent company. The engine is a BMW straight-six unit, married to a German ZF eight-speed gearbox, and the axles, axles and differentials that make up its impressive all-terrain four-wheel drive system are sourced from across the EU.

But if, like me, you were hoping that this attractive retro design would be an ideal SUV, combining the ruggedness and old-school capabilities of the “Landie” with the kind of sybaritic on-road pleasures enjoyed in a Range Rover or Bentley Bentayga. …you're in for a bit of a shake-up, in more ways than one.

Ratcliffe apparently always wanted the Grenadier (named after a pub rather than some kind of soldier, by the way) to be a proper, uncompromising, robust, indestructible, go-anywhere, and more judgment-reliant vehicle. manuals and inputs from your controller than software (although it obviously also has an electronic brain).

So when you climb into the cockpit (with some difficulty if you're short), you're faced with a galaxy of dials, knobs and levers to tackle most terrain. The most fun feature is the set of controls on the roof, arranged like on an airplane. I had the great pleasure of taking an escorted ride around the off-road obstacle course at the motor industry's magnificent research center at Millbrook, Bedfordshire, and the Grenadier lived up to its hype. Nothing fazed him (unlike his nervous correspondent).

On the road, well, it's a different story. He'd heard all the propaganda about the Grenadier being on par with the superlative capabilities of its Land Rover predecessor, but for some reason I assumed it would also be comfortable and sporty on the road. I guess that's because that's the general expectation people have about these vehicles. In fact, truth be told, most 4×4 SUVs never tackle anything more challenging than the Waitrose car park. So this is one area where the Grenadier was a bit disappointing.

Its close rival, the Mercedes-Benz G-wagen, can do the off-road work and still drive like a “normal car”, and with its chiseled classic looks it fulfills its primary role as a fashion accessory. That's not what the Grenadier is. The Grenadier is terrible on the road. It's noisy, especially when pushed, and its brick-like aerodynamics don't help. The steering setup is ideal for mountain climbing, but frankly unacceptable at highway speeds (probably not helped by the fat tires). The design of the steering box also means that the Grenadier won't right itself and center itself after turning a corner, although you quickly get used to that.

You sit very high, thanks to the off-road ground clearance, and it feels much larger than it actually is – the footprint is more like that of a Volvo estate. There's room for four or, in a pinch, five inside, but it's not as space-efficient. The rear seats fold down for more luggage space, but they don't flatten. I also had a strange incident when the car temporarily wouldn't start while the engine was still hot; but when I found the recovery service number, everything was fine again. Other than that, I must stress, the car performed perfectly on and off the road.

By the way, I especially liked the secondary horn, a “honk” accessed via a red button on the steering wheel. It seems to have been made for cyclists.

The Grenadier's main problem is its price, over £70,000, and finding its place in the market. If I had loads of money and a big estate like Balmoral, the Grenadier would be an ideal car to roam around and hone my primitive off-road driving skills. In fact, it would be a lot of fun to do it in the company of such an attractive and capable machine. But I wouldn't love taking it into the city or on a long road trip.

For farmers and builders who need an economical vehicle with flat seats and cargo capacity, a Ford Ranger van, Isuzu D-Max or a Toyota Hilux city cab van are almost as capable and much cheaper. For an expensive luxury SUV that can handle the tough stuff, you get more for your money with a BMW, a Mercedes or indeed a new Land Rover Defender. The other problem is that the Grenadier, due to its already heavy “ladder” chassis construction, is not suitable to be produced as a battery electric vehicle.

At a certain cost (£5 million), the company has designed a prototype hydrogen fuel cell version, which operates almost silently and is equally good on and off the road; but so far the UK lacks infrastructure even for its BEV fleet, let alone hydrogen refueling stations. Lynn Calder, CEO of Ineos Automotive, makes a strong case for investing in hydrogen; and by exemptions from the new zero emissions mandate for a wider range of specialist users, behind emergency services. In her view, a more “platform-agnostic” approach to reducing emissions would allow for more creative solutions to emerge. Makes sense.

However, at least in the UK, under current plans, the end of the internal combustion engine means the premature end of the Grenadier (there will only be petrol and diesel options).

As things stand, I think the ideal customer for the Ineos Grenadier is… Sir Jim Ratcliffe, a guy who can surely afford a car for every application, if not a different one for every day of the year too. For the Grenadier to be truly successful, the world needs a few more billionaires. I'm just waiting for the Manchester United limited edition. There's a joke there, but I'm not going to make it.