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IThere must come a time when it seems silly to put the Mini logo on a bloated off-roader. The latest version of the Mini Countryman is not exactly “mini” in any sense: it is 4.4 metres long and weighs around 1.6 tonnes. In fact, it is the largest “mini” ever.
When BMW, the current custodian of the Mini brand (and undoubtedly successful both commercially and technologically), launched the first version of the Countryman in 2010, it made it clear that its aim was to create the smallest vehicle of its kind in that segment. Even that pretension has now disappeared.
Like the Fiat 500 and the Smart car, what were once small but charming and fascinating contraptions, conceived by often brilliant engineers, have become, well, just another mid-size SUV, just another brand, increasingly generic.
Maybe one day, when BMW and China’s Great Wall Motors deepen their relationship and create a joint venture to make electric Minis in China, we’ll see a full-size “Mini,” a three-ton long-wheelbase SUV larger than a Cadillac Escalade. Maybe they should bring back another old name for such projects: “Maxi.”
Anyway, as things stand, you might as well know that the third-generation Mini Countryman shares many of its basic elements with the BMW 1 Series and 2 Series, and is built with them in Leipzig. I mention this because there are Union Jack-derived graphics on this Mini, and you deserve to know the facts.
That said, it's a good engine with a very appealing combination of serious quality and fun, which is the new tradition for BMW-made models. Most of the traditional Mini styling cues have disappeared, which is just as well because otherwise it would look ridiculous.
Instead, they adopted some new touches that look derived from contemporary Land Rovers and Range Rovers. For example, they placed a sort of simulated storage box on the upper rear flank, like the new Defenders, while the taillights are a thin vertical stack, like on the Range Rover.
The interior materials, meanwhile, don't look especially expensive or opulent, but they are tasteful, comfortable and appear sturdy.
They've kept the giant dinner plate-shaped screen in the centre of the dash, reminiscent of the classic Mini's central speedometer, and you can configure it with any combination of colours and information you prefer.
Ironically, given the advanced technology we live in, in the most basic models you also have to rely on the large central screen to read the speed; only the best equipped cars have some sort of head-up display, and none have a conventional binnacle. All this seems a bit eccentric to me.
The best thing of all is the ignition switch. Almost all new cars have dispensed with the idea of turning a key in the ignition to start the engine, opting instead for a rather boring push-button start. But in the Mini we have a kind of vestigial key switch, a key-shaped switch that sticks out from the dash as if you'd left it there. You turn it to start the engine (very old-fashioned) and turn it again to turn it off.
As I say, it's the sort of thing that keeps the modern Mini pretty appealing, despite the weight gain and all. If I were rich enough, I'd buy a Countryman just for that. After all, the people who designed that car sure do care about their jobs.
THE SPECIFICATION
Mini Countryman C
Price: £35,000 (as tested, starts at £29,355)
Engine capacity: 1.5 litre petrol 3 cylinders, 7 WP automatic
Output power (PS): 168
Maximum speed (mph): 131
0 to 60 (seconds): 8.3
Fuel Economy (mpg): 37.3
CO2 emissions (WLTP, g/km): 143
Obviously, it has its drawbacks and is heavy to drive. Even by the often heavy standards of the mid-size SUV class, it is not really engaging, even when you select “sport” mode from the menu of available personalities and choose the red-tinted screen from the Mini “experience” suite.
Like all new cars, it beeps and beeps if you start to exceed the speed limit or stray off the lane boundary; and it will also slam on the brakes if it thinks you're not paying attention (or have slumped behind the wheel), but I'm all for these innovations, set by new EU standards, for their obvious contribution to road safety.
The Countryman is offered in a fairly wide range of variants. There are three petrol engines, with mild hybrid or battery-electric powertrains, three trim levels, high-performance Cooper and John Cooper Works models, front- or all-wheel drive, plus two fully battery-electric “E” options.
Given the Mini’s premium status, the price isn’t too surprising either – from just under £30,000 for the entry-level model to around £50,000 for the top-of-the-range electric model. Despite the increase in size, the Mini Countryman remains a distinctive choice (much more so than its BMW-badged siblings) and, especially with its lovely panoramic sunroof, will generally try to cheer you up in these tough times – an underrated virtue in a car.
Don't try to squeeze it into those little gaps in traffic. Those days are gone.
