Set Healthy Boundaries to Protect Against Gaslighting in Your Relationship

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser causes the victim to question their own reality, memory or perceptions. This tactic is used to gain control and create dependency, leaving the victim confused, anxious, and doubting themselves.

“It is a form of psychological manipulation, emotional abuse and control tactics often employed by narcissistic personalities. Victims of gaslighting feel helpless, helpless, depressed, anxious and confused, and constantly question themselves and their own reality. This emotional turmoil can lead to gaslighter dependency, seeking negative validation, and internalizing the abuser's views, living in perpetual fear. Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for victims to protect their mental and emotional well-being,” says Sohini Rohra, psychologist and mental health advocate.

Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional manipulation that can wreak havoc on mental and emotional well-being. Anuradha Gupta, Founder and CEO of Vows For Eternity, says, “Many people share heartbreaking stories of enduring its devastating effects. One client bravely recounted her experience with an ex-partner who constantly distorted facts, misrepresented events, and denied events that she remembered vividly. This constant erosion of her reality left her bewildered, anxious, and deeply insecure about her perception of the truth.”

People subjected to gaslighting often experience increased anxiety, confusion, and loss of self-confidence. Over time, this can lead to decreased self-esteem and a distorted perception of oneself. For those affected, seeking support and recognizing the signs early are crucial steps to regaining their mental and emotional well-being.

Why do people resort to gaslighting?

Gupta adds: “People resort to gaslighting for a variety of reasons, often based on insecurities and a desire for control. Some use it to maintain dominance in a relationship, creating dependency and ensuring their power. Others use gaslighting to avoid responsibility or deflect blame.” Narcissistic individuals, in particular, use it to preserve their inflated self-image by putting others down. Ultimately, gaslighting is a manipulative tactic to assert control, distort reality, and protect fragile egos.

Rohra shares steps to protect herself from g

lighting

1. Document conversationsWriting down conversations that seem strange to you and writing down any commitments or promises made by the gaslighter can be invaluable in maintaining your sense of reality. Gathering evidence helps reinforce your understanding of events.
2. Listen carefullyListen carefully to what the gaslighter says without reacting emotionally. Stay calm and composed to avoid giving the lighter control of your emotions.
3. Review your notesWhen the gaslighter tries to make up lies, refer to your documented conversations to stand firm on the truth. This helps you maintain a clear perspective on reality.
4. Confront with detailsIf necessary, confront the gaslighter with evidence and specific written points. Be direct and objective, focusing on concrete examples rather than abstract accusations.
5. Focus on your feelingsEmphasize how their actions make you feel instead of debating what is right or wrong. Protect your emotional well-being by prioritizing your feelings.
6. Stay Stoic and ConciseKeep your feelings hidden, be stoic, and communicate concisely to safeguard your mental health. Avoid giving the lighter any emotional influence.
7. Write your truthRecord your own feelings, needs and limits. This practice helps reinforce your sense of reality and provides a clear framework for your emotional well-being.
8. Use the 'gray rock' tacticGoing offline and remaining as uninteresting as a gray rock, depriving the lighter of the attention it craves. This tactic helps reduce the influence of the gas lighter on you.
9. seek supportKeep friends and family close for emotional support. Surrounding yourself with people you trust helps counteract the isolation that gaslighting often causes.

Fighting gaslighting: Gupta shares some practical steps

1. Trust your perceptionYour reality is valid. If your partner denies clear facts or events that you have experienced, don't let them convince you that you have a bad memory or that you are “imagining things.” Keep a journal to document events and conversations, giving you a tangible record to refer to. State your position calmly but firmly: “I do not agree with your version of events and I will not argue about something I know to be true.”
2. Establish clear consequencesEstablish and communicate clear consequences for misleading or reality-distorting behaviors. Continue if the gaslighting continues; This could mean taking a break from the relationship or, if necessary, ending it to protect your well-being.
3. Seek professional helpCounseling can be invaluable in overcoming self-doubt and rebuilding confidence. A therapist can give you an objective perspective on the dynamics of healthy relationships and help you develop strategies to cope with and counteract gaslighting.

Gaslighters rely on lies and deception to erode their sense of self. It's normal to doubt your version of reality when the manipulation comes from someone close to you, leading to confusion and negative self-talk. It's never too late to take control of what kind of people and thoughts occupy your personal and mental space. By trusting yourself, establishing a support system, and setting firm boundaries, you can protect your mental health and sense of self, whether or not the gaslighter remains in your life.