A relationship coach has explained the term “furry girlfriend” and how to avoid becoming one.
Sabrina Bendory, 38, says she often sees women become “silly” when they try to convince a man to have a relationship with them, even though he doesn't want anything serious.
The term “bride-fluffer” has been coined to describe women who unintentionally groom their current partners for their next girlfriend.
It is most often used when a woman is dating a man who may be lacking in confidence and helps him regain his charm before moving on and quickly ending up in another relationship.
The dating expert revealed that she has “many” friends who she says have been “chronic jerks.”
Sabrina, from Long Island, New York, USA, explained that many women find themselves in this situation, saying: “First of all, you have to be honest with yourself and what you want.
“I know the concept very well; being the woman who dates a guy and right after he marries another woman.
“I have had many friends who, you could say, are chronic fools.
“What I see a lot is a guy who doesn't want anything serious and she stays anyway and thinks 'how can I show him how amazing I am and change his mind', but he's determined about what he wants.
“Don't invest in anyone until you see that they have the same level of investment.
“Be honest with yourself and if you can't be honest with yourself, outsource and ask people.
“It really comes down to who you choose and you have to choose someone who wants the same thing as you.
(Courtesy of Sabrina Bendory/SWNS)
“Don't take it personally, it usually isn't, and think about what you can learn from it.
“Don't just think 'well, I guess I'm just the hairy girl' because then you'll still be the hairy girl.”
Sabrina thinks there may be a few reasons why women end up being “dumb girlfriends.”
She said: “These women may be attracted to the projects. For example, a man with emotional problems and her mission is to solve or cure him.
“The reason this happens is that you yourself are emotionally unavailable. It may go back to childhood working to prove yourself for love.
“Your mission is to love this guy again and you think that will reward you for your loyalty, but then it doesn't happen that way and he gains trust and moves on.
(Sabrina Bendory/SWNS)
“A man who is struggling with his mental health and thinks he can't contribute anything will feel miserable and will most likely not want to stay in the relationship.
“So what happens is he's in a bad place and she supports him and helps him a lot and although he might be grateful, he still associates that with the miserable part of his life.
“So maybe it's possible that he needs someone new and he'll jump into it.”
To prevent this from happening, Sabrina says a woman should analyze “who and why” she chooses to date.
She said: “These types of relationships are known as codependent relationships; It's not a sustainable relationship and it gets pretty toxic quickly.
“She needs to analyze 'how much am I putting into my relationship, who do I choose and why do I choose those people?' “
The other reason women can find themselves in “hairy” territory is due to timing, Sabrina says.
She said: “I think time plays a huge role in all of this.
“A man may be ready to get married but he's dating a woman and thinks she's not the right match, but the next person he's compatible with gets married pretty quickly.
“I agree that when a man is ready to get married and a woman has what she wants, it happens very quickly.
“I have been studying men and male behavior for a long time.
“For men, timing is much more important than exactly what you are looking for.
“They are not so focused on the small details. It all comes down to how you feel with that woman.
“My comparison is with Leonardo DiCaprio: it is clear that he does not want to commit.
“I want to clarify that it is not that these guys are necessarily evil people, but it is scientifically proven that when men are in an emotional and fragile place they become selfish and incapable of empathizing.”
If people struggle to get the same level of commitment from their partner while investing, Sabrina says the way they communicate is key.
“If you notice that people don't interact with you in a certain way, think about how you are treating yourself,” she said.
“Be sure to incorporate your own self-love strategy. In terms of issues, it's not what you say, but how you say it.
“If you come from a place of blame and shame, he won't listen to you and will exclude you.
“It's much more productive to praise him for what he's doing right rather than saying what he's doing wrong—from a place of love and compassion.”
