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A bride has been defended online for asking her fiancé to disinvite his “work wife” from their wedding.
In a Reddit post on the Am I the A**hole forum, a 29-year-old woman shared her discomfort over her fiancé's close relationship with a colleague named Lily. For five years, the two have had a close friendship that involves late-night text messages and Lily's detailed knowledge of his preferences, creating tension as the wedding approaches.
“One person is overshadowing everything,” the woman shared. “My fiancé's 'work wife', Lily.”
“Lily is a big part of his life. They text constantly, often late into the night, about everything from work problems to little jokes. “She knows things about him that I sometimes don't know, and it hurts me to realize how much he turns to her for advice and laughs in my place,” she continued.
“My fiancé assures me that they are just friends, that she is his “work wife” and that it is no big deal. But it feels like she's gotten so close that sometimes I'm the one on the outside looking in.”
While “work spouse” relationships are usually joyful, they sometimes cross the line: Lily gives unsolicited opinions on everything from the venue to the wedding dress.
“She had suggestions about our place ('It doesn't feel like him'), our flowers ('he's never liked bright colors, remember?') and even my dress, and mentioned in passing that she 'knew his style'. and you could help me choose something you would love,” he shared. “I tried to laugh, but it hurt me more than I wanted to admit. “Here I am planning my wedding and I felt like I had to live up to their vision of who my fiancé is.”
At the couple's engagement party, tensions flared when Lily joked that if the groom ever changed his mind, he could marry her.
“Later that night, I called my fiancé and told him how inappropriate his comment was,” the woman shared. “He looked at me surprised and said I was taking it too seriously and that Lily was just playing.”
The breaking point came towards the end of the night when, after a few drinks, Lily approached the bride-to-be and asked if she was “really okay” with how close she and the groom were.
Lily added, “I mean, I can't imagine him with anyone else,” which felt like a stab to the heart. Instead of reacting, he quietly walked away. She later told her fiancé that she didn't want Lily at their wedding, finding it too painful to include someone who seemed to see herself as part of their relationship.
He became defensive, insisting that she was overreacting and allowing jealousy to ruin a friendship he deeply valued. He even suggested that not inviting Lily could “damage his reputation” at work and has since remained distant, accusing his fiancée of “making him choose” between his best friend and his future wife.
“I don't know what to think anymore. “I feel hurt, small and like my feelings don't matter,” she wrote. “My friends support me, but their friends think I'm overreacting and letting insecurity ruin our relationship.”
In the comments section, many defended the woman, pointing out that her fiancé's friendship with Lily seemed like an emotional affair.
“It seems like the two of them are having an emotional affair,” one person wrote. “Your comments are completely inappropriate and your fiancé's willingness to side with her and choose her over you is hugely worrying.”
“You are having an emotional affair even if you don't realize it. A 'work wife' is someone you are emotionally intimate with at work,” another person noted. “There will be nothing but pain for you as long as she is in your life in any capacity because she considers you 100 percent hers first.”
Someone else added: “Girl. “He already chose and he didn't choose you.”
