Multitasking is the norm for moms, but for me it has become a silent killer

YoI've always considered myself a champion at multitasking. I'm certainly one of the best at it – one study found that only 2.5 per cent of people can do it effectively. But I'm also sick of it. It's a silent killer. When you put your kid's bathing suit in the oven at breakfast time, you know something is seriously wrong.

I don’t care if it’s called “multitasking,” “rapid task switching,” or “chronic media multitasking” — to me it’s all the same. It’s draining me. I find myself staring out the window thinking, “What the hell was I trying to do?” My eyes hurt. I watch TV while scrolling through Instagram and reading headlines on my phone — otherwise known as “media multitasking.” I have brain fog, and it’s not menopause. My mind can’t process the information coming at me from all directions.

According to research, multitasking is bad for your health: it causes stress and can rewire your brain in negative ways. It can also make you less intelligent: a study from the University of London found that women experienced a 5% drop in IQ when multitasking, compared to a 15% drop for men. And while we think multitasking makes us more efficient, it doesn’t. Research from the American Psychological Association found that the habit can reduce productivity by a staggering 40%.

Mindless eating is also linked to media multitasking: People swallow air while chewing food, leading to an increase in irritable bowel syndrome symptoms. It can also lead to overeating. A study published in the journal Brain imaging and behaviorThey found that people who multitask are more likely to eat high-calorie foods, which reduces self-control.

However, women are no better than men at multitasking, according to a 2019 study by two university psychologists in Germany and published in the journal Plus oneMultitasking is also one of the causes of “mommy rage,” according to Minna Dubin, the American author of 2023. Mothers' anger: the everyday crisis of modern motherhood.

“Multitasking is another way of saying working too much,” Dubin says. “Overwork eventually leads to overwhelm, which is one of the causes of mothers’ anger.” When a mother gets angry, she tells me, it seems like a sudden explosion. “But in reality, it has been building up imperceptibly over days, weeks, even months, and has grown with repeated insults and stress.” This is partly because mothers, she says, are “forced” to multitask.

“Mothers become experts at multitasking because society and often their own families abandon them and force them to do an unsustainable amount of work alone,” she tells me. “In a society that views mothers as the primary parents, doesn’t offer them enough structural support, and doesn’t believe that raising the next generation should be a communal task, what choice do mothers have?”

Dr. Faye Begeti, also known as The Brain Doctor on Instagram and author of 2024's The Phone Problem Solution: A Brain-Centered Guide to Building Healthy Digital Habits and Quitting Bad OnesShe is a neuroscientist and holds a PhD in neurology. She says that when we try to perform two complex tasks at the same time, the brain enters a process called “attention switching” – rapidly shifting focus from one task to another. “This isn’t bad in itself for our health,” she tells me, “but it can be cognitively exhausting, which explains why parents often feel mentally exhausted.”

This state of mental exhaustion, which she calls “low-power mode” – since it’s similar to the state our devices go into to save energy – leads to decreased focus, increased procrastination and a greater likelihood of falling into bad habits. “It also impairs emotional regulation, making parents in ‘low-power mode’ more irritable. At the end of the day, an exhausted parent may only have energy to scroll through their phone or watch endless TV.”

Dr. Begeti adds that while multitasking becomes essential for parents because their brains must constantly switch their attention to monitoring and protecting their children, the best way to replenish our mental energy and avoid “low-power mode” is to take plenty of mental breaks and rest periods, beyond just sleep. “However,” she adds, “not all parents have the luxury of time or resources to do so.” In an attempt to get some “me time,” people may stay up late, which reduces their sleep, in a phenomenon known as “sleep procrastination,” she explains. “Getting a good night’s sleep is a cornerstone of good brain health.”

Dr. Aditi Nerurkar, Harvard stress expert and author of 2024 The 5 rebootsHe says there is another way. “It’s called monotasking,” he says, cheerfully. He warns that it takes time, though – up to eight weeks to train the brain to focus on one thing at a time – by setting a timer and concentrating on a task for five minutes, then taking a one-minute break, before extending the time intervals.

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Dr. Nerurkar warns me that multitasking affects the prefrontal cortex, an area of ​​the brain responsible for cognition, memory, attention, and complex problem-solving. So single-tasking with “brain breaks” is essential to recalibrating the stress response and maintaining—or possibly improving—productivity. In moments when I feel overwhelmed, she tells me to use the three-second reset: “Stop, breathe, be.” Or a technique called “sticky feet” that’s good for parents on the go: “You basically keep your mind where your feet are.” She adds, “Anxiety is a future-focused emotion. These techniques get you out of the ‘what if’ thinking.”

Dr. Libby Weaver, nutritional biochemist and author of The hurried woman syndromeShe says women still get a rough deal. Research shows that if a woman and a man both work full-time and have a child, she does twice as much housework and three times as much childcare as he does.

This comes at a high cost to women’s health. “The perceived need to rush, whether a woman shows it in public or keeps it secret, is changing the face of women’s health as we know it in a very damaging way,” she says. “Health problems based on sex hormones, such as very heavy and painful periods, ‘unexplained’ infertility and debilitating menopausal transitions – not to mention general exhaustion – have never been greater. The role of stress in this is undeniable when you look at both body chemistry and scientific research.”

Multitasking took off with the advent of portable devices, from our cell phones in the 1990s to the smartphones we carry around now, he says. “Between our devices and email systems, our laptops and Wi-Fi, we’re asking our bodies to go places they’ve never been before… to be reachable 24/7.”

Awareness, she says, is the first step toward recovery. “Even if it feels like we don’t have it, we always have a choice.” Letting go of the rush doesn’t have to mean doing less. “It’s more about getting to the heart of what drives you to feel like everything needs to be done with immense pressure and urgency.”

I'm determined to give it a try: I want to transform my relationship with stress. I've set a timer. I'm a multitasking mom. Let's hope nothing unexpected happens.