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“Relationship contracts” are gaining popularity among couples, experts say.
With 46.8 million “relationship contract” posts on TikTok, the idea that people should create a relationship contract as a means of setting clear boundaries and expectations has become popular among those on the dating scene. Whether it’s to create a sense of accountability or to help prevent or minimize conflict in the long run, “relationship contracts” aim to get everyone on the same page.
Experts define a relationship contract as a mutual agreement between people in a romantic relationship that defines the rules that each partner agrees to abide by throughout their relationship, even though it is not legally binding.
Writer Mandy Len Catron explained to National Public Radio Ultimately, it is a tool that couples can use to identify and express their needs for the benefit of their relationship. Couples can understand what each other wants by setting the rules and learning what each other is willing to compromise on and what they are not.
“If you reframe it as an agreement or goal-setting instead,” Catron clarified, noting that it’s not as unromantic as it sounds. “Then it’s really just a way of saying… ‘I’m committed to this relationship and this person. Therefore, I’m going to do everything I can to fulfill it.’”
Couple contracts encourage couples to be more aware and give them the tools to engage in thoughtful conversations about what they expect from a relationship. Whether it's in relation to anything from household chores to intimacy, they can set necessary boundaries about what is and isn't a healthy relationship for them.
Dr. Molly Burrets, a licensed clinical psychologist, explained to Pop sugar“Typical topics in a dating contract include expectations around behaviors, agreements on fidelity or exclusivity, relationship goals, conflict resolution plans, shared responsibilities, communication guidelines, and boundaries on important issues like physical intimacy or interactions with friends and family.”
A relationship contract can be helpful for those who have struggled with setting boundaries, especially those dealing with anxiety or past trauma. It can also clarify expectations for people seeking nontraditional or non-monogamous dynamics.
“If this effort is successful, a dating contract may lead to other positive outcomes, such as greater clarity and fewer misunderstandings,” she added. “Someone may be more likely to benefit from a relationship contract if they have specific needs, such as a history of trauma or a desire for nontraditional or nonmonogamous relationships.”
However, Burrets noted that doing so could also create a stifling atmosphere for some couples. “This can inhibit the process of organic growth in a relationship or limit spontaneity at an otherwise exciting and dynamic time,” she said.
While a relationship contract may not be able to solve all current problems, it can allow couples to define what they do and don't want.
