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Getting over a breakup can be difficult and painful, but it can be even harder when it's the second time.
Love Islander presenter Maya Jama and British rapper Stormzy, real name Michael Omari, have shocked their Instagram followers with the announcement of their second split.
The star couple fell in love in 2014, split in 2019 and when they got back together in August last year, many fans thought wedding bells could be ringing in the not-too-distant future.
However, despite photos of the pair looking very affectionate at the Glastonbury Festival in June, it was not meant to be and they issued a joint statement confirming their split.
“We've been laughing as we've written this because we never, ever in a million years thought we'd be the couple announcing a breakup,” they posted on Instagram. “But for the sake of clarity and more importantly to allow ourselves the space and grace we both need to be able to navigate this next part of our lives with peace, we thought it would be best.
“We were 21 and 20 when we met, both at the beginning of our careers, and we spent five years growing together and then five years growing separately, so this final attempt required a lot of discovery, relearning and unlearning.
“We tried it and it didn’t work and that’s okay.”
They're not the first couple to give a relationship another chance, so what's the best way to deal with a second breakup?
What the experts say
“People often break up and then get back together because they still love and miss each other, hoping things can get better this time,” explains Hope Flynn, founder of female empowerment platform Feed Me Female.
“Sometimes it’s simply because they find it easier to go back to a family relationship, as the fear of the dating world can be terrifying and also push them to reconsider trying to make it work again.”
Are second breakups harder?“Second breakups can be hard because you put so much hope into trying again, hoping things will be better, so when it doesn’t work out,” Flynn says. “It feels like going through the breakup all over again, which hurts even more.
“You may wonder if you made a mistake by trying again, and your friends and family may not be as supportive this time.
“Having to deal with the same old problems is really frustrating. When you get back together with someone, your feelings deepen, so when the relationship ends again it’s really painful. It’s a lot to handle, but take each day as it comes and you’ll get through it.”
Should we still be friends?
“I always encourage people to try to remain friends if they can, but it depends on what happened in the relationship and how things ended,” Flynn says. “It all depends on how well you can talk to each other without any romantic vibes or hurt feelings remaining.”
“It’s crucial to make sure that you’re both emotionally comfortable with the transition from romance mode to friendship mode. Setting some clear boundaries, like how often you’ll text or spend time together, is key to keeping things clear in your friendship.”
How can we move forward in a healthy way?
Fiona Yassin, psychotherapist, founder and clinical director of The Wave Clinic, suggests avoiding their social media channels.
“Limit your social media use to avoid being bombarded with what your friends, peers and celebrities are up to. Instead, reach out to people you enjoy spending time with and arrange to meet up in person.”
A new hobby can help you take your mind off things, especially if it involves being mindful. “Many people find repetitive activities like cross-stitching or crocheting relaxing, while others find that being in motion, such as sitting on a swing or swinging, can help bring them back to the present moment. Journaling or watching a good movie can also be effective grounding techniques.”
As tempting as it may be, don’t air your dirty laundry online, she urges. “Avoid oversharing about a breakup on social media, as it can lead to an avalanche of negative and unwanted reactions.”
But the most important thing is to prioritize the relationship you have with yourself right now.
“People who bounce back tend to be those who are already struggling in their interpersonal relationships, so build a relationship with yourself before you get into a relationship with someone else.”
