What differentiates limerence from a crush or a love is the intensity, an emotional roller coaster that fluctuates between euphoria and despair. Giulia Poerio, a psychologist and researcher at the University of Sussex in England, said: “Any sign of rejection can make someone hit a low point, and any sign of interest can make someone hit a high point.” It's a never-ending mental game of, “She loves me, she loves me not.”
Deeply fearful of rejection, limerants allow their self-esteem to rest in the hands of an LO they may not even know exist. The LO is usually a friend, colleague, or stranger you meet in passing. He may also be someone with whom you've had a brief romantic encounter that feels unresolved, Dr. Poerio explains, especially if the LO continues to leave breadcrumbs.
Sue Crump, a 67-year-old volunteer at a mental health charity shop in Sheffield, England, said that for 18 months she obsessively watched YouTube videos featuring her LO, a much younger married singer whom she had briefly met several times. times. . “I fantasized about a relationship with him and read things in the text and online messages he sent me in response to mine.” She turned to a limerence support group on Facebook shortly after the isolation of the pandemic lockdown worsened her longing. “She made me realize that she wasn't alone and that she wasn't driving me crazy,” Ms. Crump said.
Limerence is nourished by repeating memories and rehearsing future interactions. “There is a fair amount of mental time travel,” said Dr. Poerio, who asked respondents to write descriptions of these fantasies. “Often it is not romantic or sexual in nature. “It’s very much about wanting to feel loved and cared for.”
Chris Gregory, 53, a certified yoga instructor in Denver, remembers experiencing limerence for the first time in high school. “I would fall incredibly obsessively in love with women and then not pursue them. Then I would be crushed if they didn't respond the way the scene had played out in my head and heart. I felt unworthy,” he said. Gregory continued to experience limerence throughout his adult life, he said, but he mistook it for love.
