Life management anxiety is a real thing – here’s how you can overcome it

IHere’s a story that has haunted me for years. Seven years, to be precise, because, like the bad luck that comes with breaking a mirror, that’s how long it takes to clear your credit history of late payments (or “delinquencies,” as they’re somewhat extravagantly called).

This story isn't about me being wasteful or bad with money. It's about me being defeated by my one true enemy: the manager of life.

When I was in my twenties, I moved out of a shared flat. All the utility bills were paid from a bank account in my name. When I left, I asked my former flatmates to “sort it out”. Part of me knew, deep down, that I should take matters into my own hands rather than rely on three random women I’d met through Spareroom.co.uk: cancel all direct debits; close the now dormant account. But every time I thought about it, my head ached. I’d need to find letters and reference numbers, I’d have to call and wait while listening to awful music or fill in forms online. Writing it down now, these things seem like the least of annoyances. Back then, they seemed like the biggest of obstacles.

So I did nothing. I ignored him, didn’t look at the account again and got on with my life. Until, years later, it was time to apply for a mortgage and I realised my credit score was in tatters. Unbeknownst to me, I owed thousands of pounds to Santander. Bills had continued to come out of the account, even though there was no money in it; the unarranged overdraft had reached the limit and started accruing substantial interest. I liquidated my savings and paid it all back – those former flatmates had long since moved on, lost somewhere in the sprawling city – but it still left a black mark on my name.

Every time I think about this incident, I can't shake the deep shame it brings me. My inexplicable and irrational aversion to the administrative tasks of life (form-filling and “adult” tasks) had gotten me into a completely avoidable mess. At the time, I hid what had happened from everyone and sat silently, wallowing in my own shame and self-loathing. I couldn't even begin to explain to myself the cause of my ruinous financial procrastination.

But it turns out I'm not alone. I've since discovered that many seemingly competent people have stories like this, whether it's buying clothes online worth hundreds of pounds that don't fit and missing the deadline to return them; putting off filing their tax return and getting hit with ever-increasing fines (and the wrath of the IRS); forgetting to pay road tax or parking fines; wilfully ignoring the whole pension thing and just hoping that everything will be fine when retirement comes around…

“Research shows that procrastination is a universal phenomenon – it affects people all over the world and from all backgrounds,” says productivity coach Juliet Landau-Pope, although she notes that those with ADHD and other forms of neurodiversity may be more susceptible. “Problems related to executive function – the areas of the brain that affect decision-making and concentration – can lead to chronic disorganization,” she adds.

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According to research from 2023, Britons put off almost 100 administrative life tasks every year. Anyone can be affected by “administrative life anxiety” – even those who aren’t prone to it – depending on what’s going on in other areas. “It can affect any of us at certain times, even if we’re not naturally anxious,” says psychotherapist Helen Wells. “If we have a lot going on in other areas of our life, we can suffer from administrative anxiety. But if we’re naturally anxious or perfectionistic, and we don’t have coping tools, we’re almost certain to take a path that can be debilitating. We miss the deadline; fear and anxiety kick in; the thought of dealing with it becomes overwhelming. That’s when we start to avoid it.”

According to Landau-Pope, there are a number of reasons why we can feel overwhelmed when contemplating seemingly small tasks. “Sometimes we lack confidence because we don’t have the skills or technical expertise (for example, to use spreadsheets or fill out online forms),” she says, “and dealing with administrative tasks on our own can increase feelings of loneliness and isolation.”

Let’s face it, these tasks are boring, too: “We often overestimate the time it will take to do administrative tasks and feel resentful because there are so many other things we’d rather be doing,” adds Landau-Pope. “The irony is that if we didn’t procrastinate, we’d get the work done much sooner.”

While individual tasks may be quick or insignificant, it’s the sheer volume that can get the better of us; our endless to-do lists make everything seem insurmountable. The mental load is real. “We lead very busy lives: we juggle, we multitask, we have a huge variety of administrative tasks, bills, appointments, paperwork, forms to fill out,” Wells says. “Along with everything else we’re juggling, it can become very difficult to focus and stay organized. The complexity and variety of it all can throw us off track.” The end result is what Wells calls “cognitive overload.”

Technology can help us and it can hurt us. On the one hand, we can use it to automate paying certain bills and streamline part of our daily routine. On the other, it is the greatest distraction mechanism ever invented. “You go online to pay a bill, go on Instagram ‘just for five minutes’ and two hours later you are still on Instagram and the bill will have to be done the next day,” says Wells. “Technology can work against us, especially if I am doing a task that I really don’t want to do. I can afford to waste time by endlessly browsing quite easily.”

When we feel paralyzed and unable to complete mundane but necessary tasks, a vicious cycle often occurs: we put them off, procrastinate, and avoid them, they become increasingly stressful, we become overwhelmed, we put them off again — and repeat ad infinitum. In some cases, when we have few coping strategies to manage it, this stress “can really impact our ability to function,” Wells adds.

The type of management can also play a role. Jobs associated with major life transitions, such as completing paperwork when going through a divorce or bereavement, can feel much more overwhelming than the individual tasks themselves because of what they represent. Procrastination also gets worse when we feel stressed or burned out, Landau-Pope says. It can happen “when there are too many demands on your time, energy and attention.”

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Understanding the reasons behind our reticence can be key to changing deeply ingrained patterns of behavior. If you notice the same problems popping up repeatedly—you always end up distressed by late payments, for example, or you never submit job applications on time and keep missing out on dream opportunities—it may be worth seeking professional help. “What are the underlying patterns and themes that are occurring?” Wells asks. “If you’re reaching a point where the stress overload and anxiety are too much, consider seeing a therapist who can guide you and develop some coping strategies.”

There are also simple, practical actions we can take to break the cycle of inertia. Landau-Pope recommends finding the right time for our body clock (when we have plenty of energy and are likely to be most productive) to tackle a task. Then, break it down into small, manageable steps. “Identify the first step and set it as a micro-goal,” she says. “It can be literally finding a phone number or opening a file on your computer. Getting started may be the hardest challenge, but once you’ve accomplished that, you’re ready to take the next step.”

Establishing a routine and sticking to it can also help. Wells suggests setting a fixed time slot in your calendar to do certain administrative tasks, such as organizing finances, while setting a 15-minute timer to complete a task can be a great motivator. Changing locations and taking your laptop to a coffee shop or the library to intentionally complete tasks can also provide a much-needed productivity boost, Landau-Pope advises.

Technology, while it can absorb our time and attention, also has the potential to be harnessed for good. Automate as much as you can, using apps and reminders, Wells suggests; use e-filing to make it easier to find the digital paperwork you need.

But perhaps the most compelling advice is to not go it alone. “Try holding yourself accountable by telling someone else what you plan to do. Better yet, team up with a trusted friend, family member or colleague and set aside time to tackle specific tasks together. Management can be much easier to do with company,” says Landau-Pope. “Don’t struggle alone — asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.”

Wells agrees that we should take advantage of all the support we can, whether it's turning to a friend who's brilliant at technology or delegating and outsourcing as much as possible: “It doesn't always have to be us that have to do it.” If you can afford it, consider paying an accountant to do your taxes; if you live with other adults, try to share the administrative load so you're not in charge of all of them. all.

And if all else fails, treat yourself. “It’s a simple thing, but when we’ve finished our to-do list, paid our bills and done all the paperwork, we’ll have a little reward,” says Wells. “Go get a delicious coffee at the corner coffee shop to say ‘well done.’ Recognize that it makes you feel good. Say, ‘I like this. I’m going to try it again next month at this time.’”

If I trade that coffee for a cinnamon bun, I think I might be able to talk myself out of it and hopefully avoid another seven years of bad credit.