doA predilection for the ultra spiritual or the Woo-Woo really ruins your relationship? Recent reports claim that this is what he did in the marriage of the Manchester United Matthijs of Ligt, who is divorcing his wife Annekee Molenaar after only one year of marriage. The Dutch departure Det He said that Molenaar's inclination for publishing “Spiri-Wiri exaggerated content” on his Instagram, along with his thoughts about precious stones, crystals and herbal remedies, moved him away.
The history of Molenaar resonated to me at different levels: I have also gone to the spirituality of the new era, and has reached the coast of my relationships. More than 20 years ago, I exchanged substances for self -help books when I first entered the recovery for alcoholism. He was not surprising. I needed to fill a great void in my life and learn to believe in something bigger than me. He alienated my old friends, who quickly tired of me talking about Deepak Chopra's opinions on the soul's journey, but I soon balanced myself. Many years later, however, the spirituality of the new era began to affect my romantic life.
It began when I began to meditate and visualize my perfect life, which meant sustaining an instantane vivid of her in my mind so that I would somehow impress me. I had to keep my positive vibrations high maintaining a state of joy, gratitude and expectation, all to deceive my brain to think that I had already achieved my goal. All this was based on the “Law of Attraction”, a concept called to the worldwide attention of the self -help book The secretAnd, which states that one's thoughts and feelings can directly influence external reality.
In practice, I ended up living in a bubble and losing the connection, as it is called on the earth Woo-Woo, my then partner. I remember a particular party in Greece. I was trying to get pregnant, so I spent most of the trip working in the manifestation of embryos a degree A for our next IVF session. I look back and regret not having lived in the present with him, it turned out to be our last vacation before he died. But at that moment, I felt that I had to do what I had to do.
I often felt that unless my partner joined me on the same spiritual page, we were living two different lives: his was earthly, while mine was in my mind largely. Instead of appreciating the life he had, he was busy imagining holding a newborn baby. It led to a real world disconnection and a disconnection of my relationship.
It was in a perpetual state of what is called “toxic positivity”, in which it constantly sought positive emotions while suppressed negative. I had to feel gratitude to help attract what I wanted, despite the cold truth that the reality of infertility was agonizing. I am not ruling out the manifestation, it can definitely help, but for me, I took it too far. I was convinced that if I tried hard to keep me positive, I could magic to a baby. I was, to put it clearly, obsessed.
The idea of a “divine plan”, as if everything that happens is destined to be, therefore, must be tolerant and patient, it is well to believe. But go too far and use spiritual beliefs to help you avoid dealing with pain and trauma and becomes unhealthy. They call it “spiritual omitted.” At one point in my life, I could not make any decision without consulting my psychic environment. It depended on her, sometimes I felt much closer to her than my partner. That is because it was my medium who told me how he felt and thought, instead of him.
Women are much more likely than men to seek to feel good through the spiritual practices of the new era, such as the healing of the aura, the bathroom of the moon, the withdrawals of the breathing, the bathrooms of Gong, the psychic media and the spells of witchcraft. A third of women describe themselves as spiritual, compared to a fifth of men, according to a survey of the United Kingdom of Yougov made in 2021, with 27 percent of women who believe that crystals have healing properties, compared to 11 percent of men. And although only 9 percent of men agree that the signs of stars have a genuine impact on the character of a person and their compatibility with other people, one in five women (22 percent) says that this is probably or definitely true. Similarly, 57 percent of women believe in people who broadcast positive or negative energies and vibrations, compared to 35 percent of men.
“Welfare practices can support relationships, but only when they deepen self -awareness and relational capacity,” says Elizabeth Earnshaw, an expert in relationships and author of 2022's I want this to work: an inclusive guide to navigate the most difficult relationship problems we face in the modern era And this year Until stress makes us part: how to heal the problem #1 in our relationships. “This is not the case when [spiritual practices] become performative or other form of avoidance. It can become 'emotional omit' dressed in psychological or spiritual language. Or a defense for bad behavior, such as not being reliable due to the “limits”, or telling the other person what happens to them all the time due to some spiritual or psychological superiority. “
If a couple uses a relentless positivity or a spiritual rhetoric to close hard conversations, creates distance, no connection
Elizabeth Earnshaw, Relationship Expert
Real intimacy requires the ability to talk about what isEarnshaw says, not only what It must be. “If a couple uses a relentless positivity or a spiritual rhetoric to close hard conversations, creates distance, no connection,” he explains. However, it can also be harmful to rule out the genuine beliefs of a couple as “toxic positivity.” The fact that someone likes to focus on gratitude, hope or faith of some kind does not mean that they are necessarily wrong. “It could really be what they believe and what is useful to them,” he continues. “The objective should not be to eliminate all positivity, or all negativity. It is rather to stop being derogatory by the views of others or the ways of managing life.”
Amanda White, LPC therapist and founder of America's Therapy for Women Center, says that madness to publish spiritual content in social networks often emphasizes individual optimization on the community and relationships. She also believes that she can lead people away from the genuine connection instead of her. “The content of self -help and well -being is an extremely popular online issue because many people are fighting,” she says. “I think that many times what drives people to do this is trying to earn money as an influencer or, at least, obtain positive reinforcement and attention.” Whether publishing “five things you must do to express the life of your dreams,” she says, or demonstrating, manifesting, praying and making tarot readings, these routines give people a certain appearance of control over their lives. “But much of what influential ones share online is not real,” he continues. “Consumers forget this and really believe, for example, they need a 10 -step routine in the morning and night.” When someone focuses too much on perfecting such routines, it could actually spend less quality time with the people they love. “It can become a socially acceptable way to retire from relationships while you feel you are doing something positive.”
Padma Coram, a spiritualist and integrative expert of lifestyle and well -being at the Hale Clinic in London, which helps customers align their spiritual practices with the well -being of real life, says that spirituality is often used for escapism. “People spend huge amounts of money on treatments thinking that it is the 'cure-there,” she says. “When you reach 'spirituality' from a place of despair, it can become an addiction because it is about filling a hole in the soul. They never reach peace.”
It is particularly worrying, he says, when customers have wanted to express the lives of their dreams and have an extreme debt. “They try to match their vibration with the life they want to lead, believing that the laws of attraction mean that they need to” pretend it to do so. “They end up living beyond their possibilities, which can create great financial tension in a relationship.” People take it too literally and stop living actually. “
The truth is that, although many of us want to turn the life of our dreams into an abundant reality through Woo-Woo activities, and embody the goddess or warrior inside, it is not always the best course of action. As White says, online spiritual content can make avoidance look like growth, and can damage relationships.
“Instead of having difficult but necessary conversations, people are told to” protect their peace. “Instead of processing challenging emotions with support, they are simply encouraged to manifest better thoughts,” he says. “The message becomes that if you are fighting, you just need to buy the correct newspaper or find the right practice, instead of recognizing that real growth often occurs in relations with others and is disorderly.”
