The sixth season of Love is blind There has been nothing short of drama, suspicious encounters in the parking lot, and the occasional mention of Megan Fox.
Like past seasons of Love is blind, which has captivated Netflix viewers with its messiness since 2020, the reality dating series challenges 30 single men and women to find true love in windowless rooms affectionately known as “pods.” They are tasked with getting engaged in just 10 days, all without seeing each other in person, before saying “I do” in a matter of weeks.
While the premise of the last six seasons is the same, it seems that this installment is more dramatic than ever, that is, due to its off-camera antics and a large number of exes who, unknowingly, find their partners on television national. However, no couple had viewers shouting the phrase “walking red flag” at their screens more than Clay Gravesande and Amber Desiree “AD” Smith.
At the beginning of the season, we saw real estate broker AD, 33, start a connection with businessman Clay on the “pods” after she ended things with the show's so-called “villain,” Matthew Duliba. AD and Clay's relationship seemed to challenge Love is blind standards from the beginning; The main stipulation of the social experiment is to fall in love without being seen, but Clay told AD that he wouldn't propose to a woman unless he was sure she was attractive in person.
While the 31-year-old still proposed to AD and the couple left the “pods” occupied, they encountered even more obstacles when they returned to their home in North Carolina. And no, it wasn't when Love is blind The star told his fiancée that he would not let her gain weight if she was pregnant and would force her to work out in a gym. Throughout the three-week relationship, Clay never shied away from warning AD about his fear of commitment, the effect his parents' divorce had on him, and his concern about cheating on his partner.
“The way I grew up with my dad and how I saw cheating as normal… the fact that my mom and dad were best friends but my dad still cheated on me,” Clay told AD in episode seven from the reality television series. . “Infidelity existed and my dad took me with him on some of his infidelity trips.
“For me, the concept of one girl always scares me: 'Can I be alone with one person?'” she said. “I'm serious about marriage and even when I love you, the marriage part is something unknown to me.”
In more ways than one, Clay expressed his doubts about marriage to AD, who spent their entire relationship hoping to overcome his fears. At times, it seemed to fans that AD was ignoring the signs, like the old proverb: “If she tells you she thinks she'll cheat, believe her.” To others, it seemed like Clay was simply making excuses for her behavior and refusing to take responsibility.
Sabrina Zohar, professional dating coach and host of do the work podcast, he believes it will take a lot more than just three weeks of participating in a social experiment for Clay to finally be ready to commit. “What frustrates me listening to Clay is that it's just a bunch of excuses,” he said. The independent. “It's a lot of saying, 'I'll let you know that I'm going to hurt you, but to feel better about myself, I'm going to at least share it with you and tell you that I'm not going to do it.' do it.'
“But the reality is that the work you need to do to get through this is going to be years of therapy, not finding a girl and spending three weeks with her and then saying, 'Fuck it.' I'm getting married.' In my opinion, it is simply a recipe for disaster.”
It is true that one of our first examples of an adult romantic relationship, whether positive or negative, is the one established by our parents. As young children, seeing how our parents treat each other serves as a model for how we treat others in a relationship. We long to see ourselves in our parents, but as we grow, we also recognize their flaws and their abilities to hurt those closest to them. For Clay, whose father took him on so-called “infidelity trips” to cheat on his mother, it's a good thing that such an experience made him fearful about his own abilities to be faithful.
“For a man, I think having that ingrained in you and seeing some of those maladaptive behaviors, you grew up thinking, 'Okay, this is what I'm supposed to do,'” said Denise Brady, a licensed marriage and family therapist. that she specializes in EMDR therapy and childhood trauma. In episode 10, Clay informed his fiancee that he had watched past seasons of Love is blind to learn what a positive example of a husband should be. Of course, it is important to note that only nine couples who were married on Love is blind we are still together.
From expressing his fears about infidelity to opening up about the role his father has played in his adulthood, it's easy to argue that Clay is actually being mature and vulnerable about his feelings, something that men on reality shows, including Love is blind, often they are not. While some fans may state their fears about cheating as a red flag, dating red flags are also subjective. In fact, Cat Hoggard Wagley, licensed individual and relationship therapist at The Brave Life Therapy, believes Clay and AD's candid conversations about cheating are a lesson in healthy communication, especially with a topic as taboo as infidelity.
“Something that's really important in all relationships is having difficult conversations and knowing how to handle them safely,” she said. “We live in this world where everyone looks for warning signs. The idea of someone saying, “I'm afraid of cheating” seems like a red flag to a lot of people, and I understand why that would be the case. But when I look at it, what I see is someone being incredibly transparent about what they know is within the realm of their behavioral capabilities and just trying to be upfront and honest about it.”
Open relationships, polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, and other alternatives to complete monogamy have significantly increased in popularity in the last 10 years alone. According to a 2020 YouGov survey, 43 percent of American millennials would likely say their ideal relationship is non-monogamous. In 2023, one in eight adults said they had already engaged in sexual activity with another person with the consent of their partner.
Traditional monogamy has long been considered the ideal relationship, but with growing interest in consensual non-monogamy across the United States, it's important for couples to define what behaviors they consider cheating, whether it's liking a DM An ex's Instagram “Pods” launch or maintain a friendship with a previous sexual partner while you are engaged.
“It's helpful to have common ground and agree with each other about what cheating is,” Wagley said. “Some people say kissing at the bar isn't cheating, but taking someone home is. Some people say sex isn't cheating, but telling someone “I love you” is. “Everyone’s interpretation is different and that’s something I think really needs to be discussed.”
Even communicating about how you communicate, what Wagley defined as metacommunication, is necessary at any level of a relationship. Throughout Love is blind In season six, where explosive fights seemed to be the norm, Clay and AD deserve their flowers for dealing with conflict calmly and rationally. When the businessman opened up to his fiancée about his fears of cheating and commitment, the real estate broker responded by offering words of encouragement and verbalizing his expectations.
“I'm not afraid,” AD told Clay in episode 10. “I think there will be times where I'll be around and need you, and I think now is the time where you'll be around and need me a little more.” , and I'm okay with that.”
“I'm okay with a yes or no at the altar,” he said. “I can get up and we can have a conversation about it. Unfortunately, I'm not okay with just being a long-term fiancee. I don't think she can continue dating you if it's a no.”
As adults, we have choices. While Clay's generational trauma and fears about infidelity are valid, because they are in fact his fears, relationship experts agree that cheating is not hereditary. Vulnerability – especially in men – should be more widely accepted, but not when that vulnerability is used as an excuse to get away with the problems at hand.
“What that does is take no responsibility,” Zohar said. “It's not about coming clean and saying, 'I can decide how I present myself as an adult.' Now, are there traumas and triggers? Absolutely. Does that mean you can't fix it? No, that just means you have to go to therapy, and he openly admitted that he's not in therapy. From the beginning, that is the first problem.”
For Clay and AD, it seems that a happy ending may be possible, that is, in the very distant future. In the season six finale, AD walked down the aisle dressed in white and said “I do” to Clay at the altar. But when it came time to get engaged, Clay told his fiancée (in front of all the wedding guests) that he just wasn't ready.
“AD, I love you. I don't think it's responsible for me to say “I do,” but I want you to know that I'm rocking with you, and I just don't think it's responsible for me to say “I do” right now. when I still need work,” she said. “I still need to get to the point where I'm 100 percent and I'm not going to have you here thinking this isn't going to work.”
Although Clay had briefly mentioned it before, the season finale was the first time he assured AD that he would start going to therapy and work on his own healing. Now, the jury is out on whether the former engaged couple is still together. With the Love is blind Season 6 reunion around the corner, fans will finally know if AD kept his word and ended things with Clay for good, or if he kept his end of the deal.
“Love is blind is a great example of people who think they are ready for a relationship and don't have the tools or bandwidth to handle a relationship. Many of them write checks that they are not willing to cash. It's not that they haven't found the right person; “They just haven’t become the right person,” Zohar added.
“That's what I get from this season more than anything; “They're just a bunch of wounded birds who think everyone else is going to save them without understanding that they have to do it themselves.”
