We often go into the holidays with the best intentions: we're not going to spend too much this year. We won't compromise too much. We'll still do all those self-care rituals that keep us from descending into a rage at the Christmas table when Uncle Wilbur insists on asking why we're not married yet. We will watch our sugar consumption, we will exercise, we will not drink too much, we will learn to say no and maintain our limits. We won't keep trying to keep up with the Joneses.
And yet, inevitably, by January 1, we are literally and figuratively spent – just look at credit card balances! (No, do not do it). And New Year's resolutions can practically write themselves.
Look, there's no shame in indulging in whatever your favorite holiday treat is. But if you fear that overindulgence hangover, there are practical steps you can take to avoid post-vacation malaise. Overdoing it, experts say, doesn't have to be inevitable at all.
Why are we doing this?
Let's make this a guilt-free space. It's not your fault! As Farnoosh Torabi, financial expert and author of “A Healthy State of Panic: Follow Your Fears to Build Wealth, Crush Your Fears, and Win at Life,” says, “There are many factors at play when it comes to our irrational exuberance.” during the holidays, from social and cultural expectations to aggressive Christmas marketing and, of course, FOMO or the fear of missing out.”
You already knew this, but Instagram is not your friend here. “When we see all the holiday celebrations, gifts and experiences on social media, it's hard not to want all of it,” he says. While intense emotions during the holidays are normal and understandable, Torabi explains, they can lead to overspending, excessive shopping, excessive credit card debt, overcommitting to events and commitments, and feeling completely exhausted by the new year. . Quick tip: Stay off social media or try to limit your time there.
Take stock of yourself
One of the best ways to avoid going overboard is to plan ahead. So right now, the first thing you should do (if you haven't already) is a self-assessment, says Dr. Harel Papikian, a psychologist who runs the West Hollywood Couples Therapy Clinic in Los Angeles. Measure your mental, physical, emotional and financial resources. Then, “Decide which version of a holiday celebration would be fun for you and connect with your loved ones.” If you tend to do a lot of the homework or planning (and then feel angry or exhausted), remember that “you deserve the holiday celebration and downtime just like everyone else in your family,” he says. . “Put yourself first as a starting point and make plans based on where you are.”
You can also say no to parties. “We don't have to reach for everything,” adds Crystal Bailey, director of the Etiquette Institute in Washington, who recommends “prioritizing what is important and putting your energy in those spaces and places and with those people instead of spreading yourself too thin. There are definitely times where we think, you know, 'I don't feel like doing it.' And that's okay.”
If, on the other hand, you need more things to do or feel left out, Papikian recommends looking for volunteer opportunities, “or have your own celebration and invite other friends and acquaintances who don't have family nearby and feel left out too.”
Communicate your feelings to others.
Don't keep your thoughts about how you want to spend the holidays to yourself (unless, perhaps, you've decided you want to spend the holidays alone – that's totally fair!). Involve your family and friends in your decision-making and planning; talk to your partner to propose a shared vision for the holidays; Talk to your children about how and why things are changing. “If celebrations will look different than the norm, provide context and share age-appropriate reasons for the change this year,” Papikian says. And don't hesitate to ask for help. “Overextending ourselves to the benefit of others can deprive us of the fun of the holidays and breed resentment,” he says. “On the other hand, setting boundaries and asking for what we want offers the opportunity to be heard, validated and supported.” Doesn't that sound like a nice party?
Have (really!) fun with budgets
Aditi Shekar, Founder and CEO of Zeta, a mobile app designed to help couples and families manage their finances, says its team constantly sees families creating holiday budgets: “What we see people do is create a goal (let's say they want to save $1,000 for Christmas gifts) and then use the entire year to fund that account.” One family even opened an account with their extended family so they could each contribute to their vacation fund, which they would then use to go on vacation together. “I thought it was an incredibly powerful way to take advantage of the holidays, to still have that family time but do something instead of gifts,” Shekar says.
Okay, at the moment you don't have a whole year to save. But there's still plenty of time to come up with a collaborative group idea for the holidays. “Maybe it's not a full-fledged trip; maybe it's one experience within the time you all spend together, or it's a few different experiences, or it's your charitable giving as a family,” says Shekar, adding that they can simply set a price range or budget for gifts. expectations in your entire family.
Outsource part of the “doing”
Just because you've celebrated one way before doesn't mean it always has to be that way, especially when it causes you stress. Think beyond the pumpkin pie box. “Maybe instead of cooking, we can reserve a delicious Thanksgiving or Christmas meal at our local restaurants or grocery stores,” Papikian says. “Maybe we can delegate some of the cooking to our guests who will come to celebrate with us and share a potluck.” You don't have to do everything yourself. “It's easier financially, easier time-wise, and an opportunity for everyone to contribute and connect,” he says.
Reconsider your gift plan
“I think one of the biggest paradigm shifts is going from buying things and celebrating through consumerism to emphasizing time together and connecting with our loved ones as the main goal of the holidays,” Papikian says.
Maybe this is the year you decide to eliminate gifts altogether. “There were quite a few years with my family where I just said, 'Oh, let's get together and not worry about gifts at all.' And those were wonderful years,” Bailey says. “We could focus more on what we eat and what the menu looks like, and just being there.”
If you want to keep gifts in the picture (and I don't blame you), you can decide to only have the kids receive them or offer another limitation (just one for everyone? A group gift?) to make the financial burden less. It's not that overwhelming. You can also take the Secret Santa approach, drawing names and keeping your identity anonymous until the actual exchange, turning gift-giving into a game. Shekar has moved into themed gifts with his family, making charitable donations on behalf of others one year and food the next. “We actually ended up baking six huge batches of Smitten Kitchen shortbread cookies and then shipping them out in their little tin boxes to everyone,” he says. “They loved them.” Added bonus: Negotiating over next year's theme is part of the fun.
When the invitation goes out, let everyone know what you've decided regarding gift-giving, Bailey advises. “So there's not that concern of people running out and looking for things.” And of course, if someone gives you something anyway, accept it graciously.
Face your FOMO and find your way
You really don't have to do what everyone else seems to be doing on Instagram (which is never the full story anyway). And isn't the best version of vacation the one that is natural and authentic for you? “If you overcommit to gifts and events and travel during the holidays, could it have something to do with your fear of missing out on what others are doing?” Torabi asks. “When FOMO flares up in your life, engage this fear in some healthy questioning. Ask him what he wants you to do that will talk more about who you are, what you like, and what is really doable (i.e., what you can afford). Find an alternative more personally aligned with any trend.”
Papikian says, “Ultimately, if our focus is connecting with the people who are most important to us in our lives, then this can be a beautiful time.”
Instead of going big, go long
There is nothing that says that December is the only month in which we can have parties. Feel free to spread it. “Instead of trying to cram every outing and holiday gathering in December, offer to meet up with select friends or family in the new year, when your schedule is less hectic and when you have more space, time, and possibly money to invest in the celebration,” Torabi says. . (It's also a financial gain: “Plane tickets are cheaper, gifts go on sale, and restaurants are no longer full.”)
You can always just… no.
“You can log out whenever you want,” Torabi notes. “You are an adult. “You can (and should!) take a personal day to decompress.” You can also return things: “Most stores have decent return policies, so if you feel buyer's remorse, just return the item.”
On that note, if you're planning a party, try inviting friends and family you really want to spend time with. “If you can't help but invite people you don't like, set boundaries specifically with these people,” Papikian says. “Call them, talk about the upcoming celebration, and clarify your expectations for a cordial and pleasant eve.” A potentially awkward conversation, sure, but it could be a win-win: “If the no-drama rule is a turnoff, they might decide not to come.”
You can also reschedule plans, although it is ideal not to do it at the last minute. The main thing is that we are all in this together. If you feel overwhelmed and compromised, others probably are too. “Calling a friend to reschedule for the new year can be scary,” Torabi says. “But it's only because we may not realize that the person on the other end of the phone was already waiting for a moment of rain.”
