hHave you heard it's the summer of “Hot Rodent Boyfriend”? No, me neither.
Unfortunately, Pizza Rat hasn't found love or enthusiasm in New York City. The latest trend on the Internet is something much more insidious and disgusting. It seems that a certain faction of the Internet has decided that the desirable male aesthetic for the coming months is… anthropomorphic vermin.
As a short single man who has sometimes been referred to as “an annoying little rat,” you should be delighted by this new trend. Rows of eligible ladies suddenly willing and eager to participate in a heady adventure from June to September. I would certainly be on board.
But no, the “Hot Rodent Boyfriend” trend is the latest demonstration that we, as an online society, have lost our collective mind. In short: an “attractive rodent boyfriend” is a conventionally attractive man, typically a celebrity, who, if compared to an animal, would fall into the “mouse or rat range.”
Perhaps harmless enough, especially when you consider Hollywood hotshots of the day like Josh O'Connor and Tom Holland, with their angular faces and corny affability. It is also difficult to deny that Jeremy Allen White does not embody certain characteristics of Remy's Ratatouille while running around the kitchen in Bear.
I'm also sure some men wouldn't mind being compared to select fictional rodents, like the suave, sophisticated, tuxedo-clad Roddy from DreamWorks' 2006 animated masterpiece. washedor the timeless classic that is Stuart Little.
However, at the end of the day, you're just describing men as rats, an animal historically associated with cunning, filth, and a literal plague that wiped out around 25 million people across continental Europe in the 14th century.
This isn't to say that some men don't deserve the nickname, exhibiting behavior that more than qualifies them as a dirty little pest and a scourge on society, but it's a little jarring that we're suddenly changing the old narrative and being compared to a rat is now a good thing.
Other features on the various “Hot Rodent Boyfriends” lists include: shiny eyes, big sticky ears, and, as one outlet so candidly put it, “something's going on with his mouth and nose.” What a charmer.
Does the ideal man now also live, with rough, dirty hair, among piles of garbage and discarded vaporizers in the dark, nibbling on rotten food scraps? In the modern world, it is a concept that would not be too difficult to realize.
The criteria established for this new fad are also ridiculously vague. In the 10 minutes I spent Googling (more than it's worth, frankly), I saw lists of “Handsome Rodent Boyfriends,” one of which included Timothee Chalamet and Glen Powell, two men at absolute opposite poles of the masculine scale white and heterosexual. . Willy Wonka vs Top Gun: Maverick!
We must conclude, therefore, that rats are as diverse as the men they are compared to. Any man can be a rat, so presumably any man can be another, less offensive animal, like a seal or whatever.
And what would it be like if we transferred that madness of comparing animals to the other side? What if the Internet started a trend that compared famous women to, say, anteaters? “Aardvark Hot Girlfriend Summer.” There would be an uproar.
Of course, this is an extremely humorous interpretation and in reality it is not like that. Women face constant public scrutiny over their body image and beauty standards that men can't even begin to understand.
We should probably consider ourselves lucky that, even if we look like a weird, scruffy little elf, we occasionally have a moment where the internet thinks we're attractive. #KieranCulkin.
In fact, the viral post by He is still “handsome” in some way.
However, whichever way you want to spin it, comparing someone to a rat or an adjacent species of rat is simply not pleasant. It's actually pretty bad.
Nor is it that the Internet cannot generate “pleasant” trends. Last year, attractive male celebrities were described as “so babygirl.” Personally I'm still not quite sure what that means, but it seemed to be largely positive.
Before that, “Golden Retriever Boyfriends” existed and seemed to celebrate men being goofy, loyal, and having nice (if a little goofy) hair. Travis Kelce was classified as one of those, although maybe that's because no one would dare call him a rat to his face.
As with all internet trends, I'm sure “Handsome Rodent Boyfriend” will disappear soon and hopefully the next one will involve us going outside. Next year I propose: “A hot summer of friends where we leave our damn phones and do fun activities in the park.”
Until then, I guess you'll find me on the subway tracks, dragging a slice of pizza and looking for love.
