Search for even the slightest bit of advice on the Internet in 2024 about conflict in a relationship, a situation, or even an affair, and you may find yourself inundated with recommendations to “move on.” Does a Hinge Match ask you to reschedule your first date 30 minutes in advance? Get to work. Does your ex still hit you months after the breakup? Get to work.
After being friends with a man for about two years, Sigourney Norman received a flirty direct message from him on Instagram. Once she confirmed that he was really interested in dating, she suggested they meet for coffee.
The man said he had to travel for work, Ms Norman recalled, but instead of getting back in touch within days, as she expected, he did not contact her for three weeks. This was a chance for Norman, 33, to “stand his ground.”
When he contacted her again, “I didn't cuss him out or just not respond,” she said. “Instead, I said, 'Hey, it's really nice to hear from you, but I was really sad not to hear from you for three weeks.' Your business from her? He stood on.
Simply put, “sticking it out in business” means respecting the boundaries you've set for yourself: putting your self-esteem, business and personal values first.
Of course, it's perfectly fine (in the name of self-preservation) to get rid of someone who's begging for yet another chance. Too often people are dragged into unhealthy situations that do not benefit them, and staying in business is one way to avoid it. Ask that you be less “weak in the knees” and instead plant your feet firmly on the ground. But is it always that simple? And how can you effectively “stand your ground”?
“When people say they stand firm in business, what they mean is, 'I understand my own needs and I stand up for them, and when someone shows me that they can't meet those needs, I'm willing to walk away peacefully.' ”said Ms. Norman. “But things are not like that.”
Instead, Ms. Norman continued, people will immediately cut off the other person because “ultimately, it's pretty scary” to express their needs.
In a video on TikTok, a woman receives a call while combing her hair and the man on the other end immediately asks her to “hold on.” “There's no wait, you wait,” she replies as she hangs up the phone. “Oh, I'm standing on business,” she says proudly.
In another video, a woman shares her tips on how to do business “like a pro.” If someone gets under your skin “before you've even had a first date,” says one, “it's already over.”
“From there, things will only get worse,” he explains, adding: “Don't invest any more time.”
Although the phrase, which has its roots in African American vernacular English, has become popular online in recent months, the concept itself is not new. It finds its highest expression in Drake's bitter song, “Daylight,” from his latest album, “For All the Dogs,” in which he uses the term repeatedly to describe how he ignores everyone his ex tells him. They have done harm.
Imposing a cold, rigid approach to dating (and love in general) can leave little room to be vulnerable or to weather healthy conflicts that can strengthen interpersonal bonds. And breakups are often not linear: Sometimes it can take a few conversations before both parties realize that the relationship isn't working or that it wasn't as broken as they thought. While we should strive to maintain the limits we have set for ourselves, we should not shame ourselves or others when we fall short of them.
Mrs. Norman tries to be honest with herself and flexible with her feelings. Recently, he was meeting a woman he really liked but had crossed paths with her too many times. Instead of carrying that burden herself, she let her friends know that things were complicated, but that there was still a chance that she would be willing to see where things went.
“I'm not going to lie to you: if she can act better in a month, I don't know what I'm going to do,” he told them. “It just doesn't seem final enough to let it go.”
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