Employee refuses to give 'condolence money' after receiving none himself

An employee has been wondering whether or not he was wrong for not contributing to a coworker's “sympathy money” fund.

In a recent Reddit post shared on the popular subreddit “Am I an Idiot?”, they explained that the HR department has a policy where they pass around an envelope to deposit money into when someone passes away, whether it be a colleague or one of their family members, which is called condolence money.

The poster noted that they routinely contribute to these funds, depending on how close they are to the colleague.

“Last year my grandmother passed away in our home country (my parents are immigrants). My family and I were unable to attend her funeral because one of our family members is at high risk and it was not safe to travel,” the post details.

“I informed the HR department about my grandmother’s death and was told that a death certificate was required for compassionate leave approval, so I took annual leave to mourn my grandmother at home with my family.”

For this reason, the employee never received any condolence money. Now, another employee has passed away and the company's human resources department has again requested condolence money.

“I didn’t like it, so this time I refused to offer money. When HR asked me why, I told them I felt unfair because I’m always the one who pays for others and no one pays my family anything when my grandma passed away,” the Reddit post explained.

“I was told it wasn’t their fault I couldn’t produce a death certificate so they could arrange one for me, and that the money was supposed to be a form of prayer, not exchange. In the end I stood my ground and said I wouldn’t give any money.”

The employee concluded the post by mentioning that since their entire department is aware of their refusal and has started giving them “disapproving looks,” they are unsure whether they made the right decision or not.

Following the post, many people took to the comments with differing opinions on whether the employee should have provided money to the fund or not.

“It’s sad to say, but in the places I’ve worked, there have been employees who have had 12 or more grandparents die. There are always some people who abuse bereavement leave. So I can understand companies requiring some kind of documentation,” one comment begins.

“On the other hand, your workplace sounds very suspicious. No one should know who has donated and who has not.. “No one should be pressured to give, people may be in difficult economic circumstances and not be able to do so. No one should feel guilty for not giving, or for not giving 'enough'. And 'form of prayer'? What the hell! Religion should not be practiced in your workplace. AT ALL,” the comment continued.

“Coworkers shouldn’t be required to demonstrate compassion and generosity. You’re not a wrongdoer for not donating. Your workplace is a wrongdoer for shaming you for not donating. But keep in mind that it sounds like your workplace is a shitty, controlling, shaming organization, and you probably can’t do anything about it except get a job somewhere else.”

However, other commenters thought the Redditor was in compliance with company policies and that was why he did not receive the money while another employee did.

“They needed proof of death, which you didn’t provide. Now you’re acting bitter because someone else who could provide a death certificate died. That was your grandmother. Why didn’t you ask a parent or someone and mention that you needed a job? The whole money thing sounds tacky anyway and that’s why I guess most companies just send flowers as a form of condolence. At the end of the day, anyone could claim that a family member died and want said money and the death certificate is to make sure no one is doing anything shady,” one comment read.

Another commenter agreed, writing: “HR had no proof that there had been a death in your family – you could have provided it and chose not to. If you never contributed to these things due to your own beliefs etc, I would say there is nothing to be done, but it is clear this is because you are angry that HR did not get you anything.”