jAmie Laing has been criticized online for an insensitive Christmas post that sets “unrealistic expectations” for new mothers after their first. Made in Chelsea The star said his “superwoman” wife Sophie Habboo had created “a magical Christmas” just three weeks after giving birth.
In an Instagram video set to Kelly Clarkson's “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” Laing podcaster Habboo's wife, 31, who gave birth to the couple's son, Ziggy, earlier this month, is seen doing a little dance next to their perfectly decorated holiday table and looking proud of what she's accomplished.
While most of us, three weeks postpartum, may feel like death has warmed up (I was limping after a C-section, looking disheveled in maternity leggings and slumped on a couch), Habboo, in a red wrap sweater and silky black pants, looks like a glamorous, carefree hostess about to liven up a big lunch.
There is a spectacular Christmas tree with huge red bows and, in the background, someone preparing food. Possibly a chef? Laing, 37, captioned the post “POV: Your wife is 3 weeks postpartum and still creating a magical Christmas,” followed by “She's a superwoman.”
It has caused quite a stir, with normally adoring fans criticizing the perfect motherhood scene as “abnormal” and a “typical IG moment” that shows only the best parts of motherhood and therefore puts “pressure” on new moms. “For me, unfortunately it's all about people pleasing and not prioritizing healing and true connections,” one follower commented. Meanwhile, others said, “let's not normalize postpartum women being 'superwomen', it's not normal” and “not everyone has the money, resources and support to be able to do this.”
Yes, Laing and Habboo most likely had outside help from caterers or other paid professionals, possibly including table setters, cleaners, gardeners (and a hired nanny), something many resentful and disgruntled online fans were quick to point out. But let's take a minute to understand the real reason for all the hate that exists.
Of course, an IG moment like this is a trigger for the dreaded “comparison and despair” and “mommy shame.” It seems to be performative parenting at its worst, but that's not Laing and Habboo's fault, it's the internet's fault and the atmosphere it has cultivated.
Hating on all the moms who show off their perfect Christmas is just as bad as the judgment they supposedly send to other moms who feel like they don't live up to their unrealistic standards. Moms can't win. Either they are “bragging” about their perfect offspring, or they are seen as “profiting” from how difficult everything is.
Mom hate (whatever its tone) is out of control, and new moms, older moms, celebrity moms, and Josephine's public moms are being judged online like never before. We're criticized for everything from work-life balance to parenting styles, expressing struggles with body image and breastfeeding. Women are accused of pushing an “unrealistic” recovery narrative or not recovering as quickly as they should. And the way mothers celebrate Christmas (whether with a newborn, toddler or teenager) has become the seasonal focus of harsh judgment this year.
Social media creates this atmosphere where mothers constantly fail, even if they seem to be winning. And yes, while many of us may take one look at Habboo's Christmas expressions and want to give up, we also know that it's a fantasy that doesn't exist.
I've also been guilty of posting perfect Instagram posts of my kids that look like they're straight out of a Mini Boden ad. Personally, three weeks after delivery, I didn't know what day of the week it was. Admittedly, it wasn't Christmas, but Easter, when I had Liberty, who is now seven, so the pressure to organize a magical Easter egg hunt and decorate the house in bunny themes wasn't as intense. But if that makes some new moms feel better, seven years later, I couldn't put up a Christmas tree this year because we all got the super flu.
But do I hate Habboo for presenting her “superwoman” image? Not really, because I think the real question is, why do we feel the need to present this kind of perfect image of ourselves to the world in the first place?
Mom hate is out of control, and moms are being judged online like never before, for everything from work-life balance to parenting styles, expressing their struggles, and body image.
In my case, there has been an element of believing that it is important to present a perfect facade, which comes from my upbringing, because I was conditioned to believe that our appearance, even how thin we are, equals self-esteem. Luckily, I got through it with the help of a therapist instead of an Instagram account.
Other mothers take pride in their parenting performance and use social media as a way to confirm this to themselves and boost their confidence. For celebrities like Laing and Habboo, it's all about growing their brand.
Moms like Habboo, who are accused of presenting a perfect image of motherhood, are not obligated to fix the rest of our insecurities and ensure that all moms feel good about themselves. They are investing in their career by professionalizing motherhood, and this should be seen for what it is.
Laing and Habboo are documenting their new journey as parents through their new podcast. almost parentsand they're set to document their “whirlwind, limitless journey” toward parenthood in an upcoming Disney+ series. Raising Chelsea. In essence, they have leveraged their reality TV experience to create new media companies that will guarantee them income for quite some time, I'm sure.
The pressure for new moms to be perfect, with filtered and curated shots, is enormous. And as we've seen with the Trad Wife trend, this pressure will continue for years. It's ironic considering how, in real life, society undervalues the role of the mother and there is widespread disdain for housewives.
No wonder women are confused about what to do and how to behave. This lack of support for new parents leads them to online forums, which, while they can be supportive, can also be a viper's nest of mean, unfiltered comments from people who also get a kick out of judging the decisions of others.
So what if Habboo had a great Christmas and had more support at its disposal? I have no doubt that there will come a time when you will feel overwhelmed and question yourself as a new mother, like other moms do. Ziggy will need his diaper changed and will demand to be fed. She will feel the pull of work versus motherhood.
The big change must happen on the Internet: stop judging others and live and let live. Every new mother struggles in her own way, and hating on mothers is worse than anything they seem to be doing online to offend you.
