Chrissy Teigen opened up about her mental health in a vulnerable Instagram caption.
The cookbook author talked about her experience attempting to complete a treetop rope course, as she specifically focused on a portion of the course that required her to walk on a log. “I crossed this log a few years ago, the last time I came here, when I was struggling mentally,” she began her caption.
Teigen explained that she thought taking the course again this time would be different than then, noting that she previously felt like each of her feet weighed 1,000 pounds and she was so tense that she thought she was in the middle of a “car accident.”
“I did it then, after about 40 long minutes. And I'm not even afraid of heights! It wasn't the height. It is fighting the pain in my arms, my neck and, above all, my feet,” she detailed in his post.
When he tried the course again this time he thought he could “make the pain go away” by changing his thinking and relaxing using breathing techniques as well as focusing on enjoying what he was doing. Despite her preparations, she felt the course was as difficult as the first time, even though she has faced many things in her personal life in recent years, including the stillbirth of her baby Jack, who died at 20 weeks. in the womb, revelations. that she had harassed people online early in her career and her struggle with sobriety.
“I thought that since I had seen such dark times since I last did this, I wouldn't be afraid of this damn thing. But I am still very afraid,” she wrote.
“I cut my time a little bit, but what I love about it is how much it surprises you and how much you learn about yourself,” the mother of four continued. “My rational mind knows that it would be totally fine to just fall… I would be gently put down, but realizing that I am so terrified of falling back into life that it becomes overwhelmingly debilitating both mentally and physically was… a lot.”
Teigen admitted that because she didn't feel any less scared when comparing the first and second time on the course, she lives her entire life “scared.”
“I don't enjoy much outside of my family, my few friends, television and crafts. I feel like a very reduced version of myself. And I know I am destined to be great,” her caption read.
“I'm so afraid of letting them down and I find myself fighting with myself all day in my brain with things I want to say, things I want to explain, but I'm so scared. I miss so many parts of myself and I hope that one day I can let go of the fear and accept that I will never be perfect for you and that's okay!! But for now I will continue to work on all of this and try to balance my brain with rational thoughts and try to be kind to myself, my body and my mind. And I will always continue to ramble aimlessly in the subtitles.”
After the post, many people let the model know how much they appreciated the vulnerability and emotion involved in admitting what she felt.
“We love you for how outspoken, opinionated, compassionate, entrepreneurial, family-oriented, and modern damn you are!!” a comment read.
Another agreed, writing: “I really like your quote about being big. It must be difficult to be in front of the public like you; you are expected to be impeccable. To me you seem very authentic with your life and your family, so I tell you to be big and live your life the way you want to live it.”
Even her husband, John Legend, left a comment on the post to show his support writing, “I love you.”
