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Chef Sally Abé tells us what it's really like to be a woman in male-dominated professional kitchens.
Having often been the only female chef on duty, the 37-year-old describes fine dining kitchens as traditionally “an impulsive and toxic environment” where “if you didn't behave like one of the boys and show 'weakness' then you just weren't up to par”.
Abé's career has taken her through many Michelin-starred kitchens: from the Savoy Hotel to Gordon Ramsay at Claridge's and then five years at The Ledbury, among others.
With relentless 16-hour days, barely time for a bathroom break and never calling in sick unless you're on your deathbed, Abé paints a brutal portrait of professional kitchens in his new memoir, A woman's place is in the kitchen.
Fine dining kitchens have typically had a military-like structure – “a lot of the language and terminology we use and the hierarchy is military-based” – and she says that status quo is perpetuated through the kitchen ranks.
“Young people who join the military are indoctrinated, and the same thing happens in the kitchens. And if you have spent the last ten years observing a certain pattern of behavior, I am sure that nine times out of ten, people will continue to perpetuate that behavior.”
Abé writes in the book that over time she became “hardened to yelling… I learned to let the sarcasm wash over me and to completely ignore the lewd conversations between the boys.”
The chef, who has appeared on BBC television shows, Great British Menu, Celebrity MasterChef and James Martin's Saturday MorningShe was only the second woman, as far as she knows, to work in the Meats department (the most senior section of a professional kitchen and what is commonly known as “Sauces” in the chef world) at the acclaimed London restaurant Claridge's.
At the time, she was suffering from “massive imposter syndrome,” “which was causing her anxiety,” and was on the verge of burnout when Gordon Ramsay stepped in and helped arrange for Abé to see a therapist, something she is still grateful for.
“I don't know where I would be now if I hadn't had that therapy, but I think it changed my mindset massively and really saved me,” says the chef, who is from Mansfield, Nottinghamshire.
She believes the noticeable lack of other women in professional kitchens probably contributed to this. “When I was younger, I didn’t notice it as much, and when I started getting older, I was like, ‘Wait, what’s going on here?’”
She said she felt like she “had something to prove” by being one of the only women there. “I thought, yeah, I'm going to be the only girl and I'm going to prove that… [myself] To those boys.
“But it wasn’t until I got into a leadership position that I said, ‘Wait a minute, why is this happening? How can we change this? ’”
Abé joined The Harwood Arms in 2017 as head chef, where she maintained the London pub’s Michelin star, and is now a consulting chef at The Pem Restaurant, both of which have created predominantly female-led kitchens.
Young men who join the military are indoctrinated, and the same thing happens in the kitchens. And if you've spent the last ten years observing a certain pattern of behavior, I'm sure that nine times out of ten, people will continue to perpetuate that behavior.
“It’s a lovely, respectful and empowering environment,” Abé says of The Pem. Male chefs, she says, are more than welcome, but “it’s different – everyone supports and respects each other. There’s no shouting or screaming, not even animosity.”
“But that’s a culture that I’ve instilled, so regardless of whether I have men or women in the kitchen, that culture would be the same because I’m very selective about who I employ.
“If you don’t have the right attitude and you don’t fit into the way I want the kitchen to work, I just won’t give that person a job. It doesn’t really matter how good their resume is.”
Even though professional kitchens are still dominated by men today, Abé receives more job applications from female chefs, thanks to their reputation for managing things differently.
According to a 2023 survey, only 8 per cent of Michelin-starred restaurants in the UK are run by women, and maternity leave is virtually non-existent in the fine dining sector, Abé notes. “I think having children is one of the biggest barriers to women succeeding in kitchens.
“A friend of mine basically opened her own restaurant so she could have kids, because she knew it was the only way she could juggle the two.
“I know some chefs from my early years as a cook who have left the industry to have children.”
Meanwhile, men in the industry have kids all the time, of course. “That’s just patriarchy at work, isn’t it?” Abé says.
However, she is determined to help change things for women. While at The Harwood Arms, one of her employees became pregnant. “I said, 'Well, how many hours can you work? Let's do that and then I'll find someone else to replace you.'”
“There is always a way around it and I would hate to think that any woman would be desperate to be a chef and be in the kitchen and feel that that has to be a barrier.”
She hopes that in the next 10 to 20 years more women will start to enter the sector. “It's not about having a few successful female chefs and overnight having a 50/50 balance in kitchens. That's just not how it's going to work.”
“Social change takes a long time and we probably won’t reach 50/50 in kitchens during my career, but it’s important for me to advocate for it and be part of that change.”
'A Woman's Place is in the Kitchen' by Sally Abé (Little Brown, £22).
