Anne Lamott and Neal Allen Share '36 Ways to Improve Your Sentences'

They are so cute together, these two. Neal Allen, father of four, journalist turned corporate executive, spiritual coach and author of two spiritual guides, is a hair taller than his braided wife, who calls him her “current husband.” He calls her his “remarkable and beautiful companion” and himself “Mr. Anne Lamott.”

And it is not surprising. Author Anne Lamott has published 21 books, with worldwide sales in the millions. “Bird by Bird,” his 1994 writing manual, which has sold more than 1 million copies and continues to sell approximately 40,000 copies each year, became a meme before memes existed. Thirty-two years later, the titular phrase has appeared everywhere from “Ted Lasso” (Coach Beard: “I hate losing.” Coach Lasso: “Bird for bird, Coach”) to a Gloria Steinem interview in Cosmopolitan (“Every writer, truth seeker, parent and activist I know is in love with one or more Anne Lamott books”).

Ask a famous writer how they do what they do and “Bird by Bird” will probably get an honorable mention. Harlan Coben, whose 35 novels have sold approximately 90 million copies, calls “Bird by Bird” his “favorite writing manual.” “I use it like a coach's halftime speech to encourage me to write.”

In a 2007 interview, “Eat Pray Love” author Elizabeth Gilbert called herself Lamott's “literary offspring.” Paula McLain, who wrote the 2011 box office hit “The Paris Wife,” told me, “I come back to 'Bird by Bird' again and again because Anne Lamott tells the truth about how difficult this job is and then somehow makes you laugh about it.”

I contacted novelist and best-selling author Dani Shapiro to ask if she had her own experience with the book. “A writer is always a beginner,” he said. “And there is no better companion than 'Bird by Bird'.”

Lamott, 71, and Allen, 69, met in 2016 on the over-50s dating site OurTime.com. Nine months later, they bought a wooded house in Marin County with room for Lamott's son and grandson. Sam, when he was 1, was the subject of his mother's first best-seller, the 1993 memoir “Operating Instructions.” Her son Jax was the subject, when he was 1, of his grandmother's 2012 memoir, “It Takes Some Assembly.”

“One night we were watching the US Open tennis tournament and Neal said, 'Can I ask you something?'” Lamott told me via email. “I barely looked away from the TV and he asked me to marry him. I said, 'Yes, if we can get a cat.'”

After a decade of marriage, Lamott and Allen have embarked on a professional collaboration whose result, like their union, is greater than the sum of its parts. “Good Writing: 36 Ways to Improve Your Sentences” is as clearly specific as “Bird by Bird” is wildly wonderful: winning a companion piece as two fellow winners could create. The index is itself a mini-manual of advice for writers: “Use strong verbs.” “It sounds natural.” “Keep it active.” “Stay with Said.” “Don't brag.”

Lamott and Allen.

(Christie Hemm Klok / For The Times)

I spoke to the old-age lovebirds about their marital manuscript-making process: the good, the not-so-good, and the blackmail.

Meredith Maran: How does writing “Bird by Bird” compare to co-authoring “Good Writing”?

Anne Lamott: “Bird by Bird” was literally everything I knew about writing, everything I had been teaching my students for years. It was definitely my book. “Good Writing” was definitely Neal's book. I simply foisted my attention on him and threatened to undermine the marriage if he didn't let me contribute.

MM: Neal, what convinced you that you could add something to one of the most popular writing books in the world, written by none other than your wife?

Neal Allen: Oh, I'm not going to add anything to “Bird by Bird,” which is a complete classic. It's everything you need to know to become a writer. “Good Writing” is about what comes next: a second draft. And while it's not fair to call “Bird by Bird” a craft book (it's much more), it's okay to define “Good Writing” that way.

“Helping each other with our work is one of the most enriching aspects of our life as a married couple,” Lamott said.

(Christie Hemm Klok / For The Times)

MM: In producing this joint project, how did the two of you negotiate the differences between your writing styles and personalities?

AL: We didn't need to negotiate. Neal somehow manages to be classy and welcoming, while I think I'm more like the class mom, with a plate of cupcakes, exhorting people not to give up, trying to convince them that they can only share their truth in their own voice, that their voice is pretty good, and that when they get stuck, like all of us, I know a few tricks that will help them get back to work.

NA: I once asked AI to describe the difference between my writing and Annie's. AI responded that it explains things to readers; Annie helps readers achieve catharsis. I think that is absolutely correct.

MM: How did you come up with the fabulous format of the book, in which everyone writes their own? YoIntroduction, and then each chapter begins with Neal's thoughts on one of the 36 rules and ends with Annie's.

NA: Annie first asked me if she could write down what she had written. That scared the hell out of me. When he started writing his own essays in his own voice, I was quite relieved. One of the surprising strengths of the format is that Annie always has the last word. I explain the rule to you; then helps the reader find their way and solve their problems with the ruler. There is one downside: I can't respond when you tell the reader to ignore me.

“I'm not going to add anything to 'Bird by Bird,'” Allen said. “It's everything you need to know to become a writer. 'Good Writing' is about what comes next: a second draft.”

(Christie Hemm Klok / For The Times)

MM: In your introduction, Anne, you remember Neal telling you that he was working on a writing book. “Well. Hmmmph,” you replied. “I once wrote a book about writing…” How did professional jealousy, competitiveness, possessiveness or, rather, tenderness and collaborative spirit arise? and generosity manifest while writing a book together?

AL: We have no competitiveness or jealousy when it comes to each other's writing. We just want the other person to write the most beautiful work they can. We are each other's first reader and editor, and while I of course feel attacked if Neal suggests even the slightest change to my immortal prose, I have come to understand that the cuts and additions he suggests save me from myself. Helping each other with our work is one of the richest aspects of our life as a married couple.

NA: There's no way around “Bird by Bird” and I just have to deal with it. My concern was whether Annie really wanted to be associated with my little book. I envy Annie's brilliance, of course, but we speak the same writing language and love it equally.

MM: What are each of you most proud of, in terms of “good writing”?

AL: We just recorded the audio version and I was surprised by how much practical help the book offers. Plus, I love the tone, which is very conversational and sometimes, I hope, quite funny.

NA: I had the opposite reaction when recording the audio version. I saw every opportunity for readers to make fun of me. In the 18 months between writing the final draft and the book appearing in stores, we both went from thinking it reflects well on us to thinking it's a disaster. Luckily, neither of us have ever thought this sucks at the same time.

MM: That's lucky. Also, Neal, I'm not sure you answered my question.

NA: What am I most proud of? That the book exists. I carried these sentencing-enhancing rules with me for years. I think a lot of writers write a book because they realize it doesn't exist, and why not? And then they shrug: “Well, I guess it's up to me.” That's how I got to my three books.

AL: Let me add that I am proud to introduce my truly charming and incredibly wise husband to a wider audience.