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A woman has been defended online after she refused to attend her parents' 30th anniversary party if her estranged brother was there.
In a recent post shared on the popular Reddit forum “Am I The A**hole,” the woman acknowledged that she has been estranged from her older brother, whom she referred to as Mark, for over five years. She explained that while they used to be close as children, their relationship “soured when he stole” $25,000 from her.
“Without going into too much detail, Mark was going through a difficult time and convinced me to lend him a large sum of money, which he promised to pay back within a year,” she wrote. “I agreed because he was family and I trusted him. But he never paid me back.”
According to the Reddit user, her brother “went ballistic” when she confronted him about the money, claiming he was “selfish” and “didn’t care about his problems.” She also noted that the conversation later turned into “a huge fight” and that the pair have not spoken since.
The woman claimed that for the past five years, her brother has “refused to apologize” or “even acknowledge that he did anything wrong.” As a result, her parents have not only been “caught in the middle,” but their children's issues have “put a strain on [their] family.” However, they were still trying to plan a party with their two children, which upset the Reddit user.
“My parents are planning a big celebration for their 30th wedding anniversary and have invited me and Mark. When I looked at the WhatsApp group, I was surprised to see that Mark was included,” she wrote. “I called my parents to talk about it and they said they hope this party can be an opportunity for us to reconcile. They think enough time has passed and we should stop ‘acting like children’ as my mother said.”
After expressing to her parents that she was “really upset” by their decision to invite her brother, the woman informed them that she was “still hurt” by her brother’s actions and that she “wasn’t ready to be in the same room as him.” Still, her parents tried to encourage their daughter to change her mind.
“I told them that if Mark was going to be there, I wouldn’t be there. My parents were disappointed and tried to convince me to reconsider, saying that family is more important than money and holding a grudge doesn’t do anyone any good,” she continued. “They said it would break their hearts if one of us didn’t attend their anniversary party.”
She admitted that since that conversation her parents “have been distant” from her and that she does not “want to cause them more pain.” However, she wanted to stand by her decision not to attend the party if her brother was there.
“I also don’t want to be forced to pretend that everything is fine with Mark when it isn’t,” she concluded. “My friends are divided on this: some think I’m right to stand my ground, while others think I’m too stubborn and should leave for the sake of my parents.”
The Reddit post quickly went viral, receiving over 2,000 upvotes. In the comments, several people defended the woman's decision to skip the party for her brother, given that he stole a lot of her money and didn't apologize for it.
“Your parents can invite whoever they want and an invitation is not a summons. You have the right not to go and they have the right to be upset about it. Why is their happiness more important than yours?” wrote one user. “Why are you the only one who has to change? Mark is unapologetic and hasn’t returned the money. How do you reconcile with someone who has no remorse and therefore proves they would behave the same way again?”
“He hasn’t apologized. He hasn’t given you your money back. There is no reconciliation or forgiveness without AT LEAST that happening,” said another person.
While criticizing Mark's behavior, some readers gave their advice on how to handle the situation, suggesting ways for the woman to go to the party without talking to her brother.
“I wonder if you could go but have your parents tell Mark not to talk to you at all. That way you can both spend time with family but not interact,” one comment read.
“You don’t have to be in the same room as him,” another responded. “Your parents aren’t being jerks by inviting both of you. Maybe, as a really nice gesture on your part, you could offer to be there for the first hour, greet their guests, and then quietly leave so your brother can be there for the rest. That way, if he shows up at any time, you’ll have the power to calmly and quietly leave.”
