Anxiety symptoms vary widely, from mood swings to angry outbursts.
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Slamming doors, tantrums, unexpected crying, and one-sided conversations at the dinner table. If these are common occurrences in your home, you're probably raising a teenager.
Teenagers are often seen as spoiled children who have little to no control over their emotions. And while many parents may view this as unnecessary angst or rebellion, these could be signs that the child is struggling with anxiety.
“It's so overwhelming and so powerful that you feel like you're caught in the storm. Anxiety has taken over your mind and body,” said Natasha Riard, a professor of clinical psychology and director of the psychology clinic at James Cook University in Singapore.
“The person suffering from anxiety wants it to stop and the parent watching wants it to stop. But once the panic attack starts, it's like a train that has left the station and will only stop when it reaches the next one. The journey between those stations is the experience of the attack,” Riard explained.
Parents don't always know how to help their children when they feel anxious or are on the verge of an anxiety attack, and methods that worked in the past may not be helpful as teens face new challenges, psychologists said.
Here's how parents can better spot signs of anxiety in their children, and tips on how to help your little ones.
The signs
Regardless of age, people who feel anxious will have a fight, flight, freeze or flatter response to stressful situations, according to psychologists.
They told CNBC that the most common reactions are flight and freeze, where one shows signs of panic and starts crying or shaking, or even freezing and dissociating from the issue by going silent and zoning out.
“When you have a panic attack, you may become very scared by what's happening to you. You may experience a change in the way you perceive reality and it can be a very frightening experience,” said Eli Lebowitz, co-director of the Anxiety and Mood Disorders Program at the Yale Child Study Center.
Like adults, teens also have a fight response when they feel anxious, which can often be misinterpreted as tantrums or aggressive behavior.
“Parents need to think about the meaning of their children's slamming doors and screaming. Could they be anxious about something?” Riard said, emphasizing that this is simply another expression of anxiety.
Psychologists said they also noticed the children had a fawn reaction, meaning they suffered from “high-functioning” anxiety and managed to carry on with their daily routine despite having poor mental health.
“Young people often avoid expressing their feelings and do their best to pretend that everything is fine, appearing to be busy in a chaotic situation. What you see on their face or in their behaviour may not be what is going on deep down,” said Lisa Coloca, psychologist and director of Bloom Psychology Group and Bloom Community, based in Melbourne.
Yale's Lebowitz said some of the signs parents should look out for include shortness of breath, body stiffness and a change in skin tone. Although an anxiety attack can feel scary and uncontrollable, it's not dangerous and parents shouldn't “freak out,” she added.
Top Tips for Helping an Anxious Teen
1. Validate their feelings
Parents are often guilty of downplaying their children's challenges and the emotions they feel, and sometimes even ignoring them, experts suggested.
“Stop using your adult brain to solve a teenager's problem. Telling them 'everything will be okay' won't help because they're not feeling okay at the moment,” said Michelle Savage, another psychologist and director of Bloom Psychology Group and Bloom Community.
When children approach their parents with their concerns, reassurance is not always the solution.
“From a parent's perspective, we want to protect our children from pain. But the alternative solution is to take it as an encouragement to allow your child to express their emotions and fears, and to listen,” said James Cook's Riard.
Parents should also be aware that children do not always want advice, but often just want to feel seen and heard.
“Validating that your child is anxious won't make him more anxious. It will make him feel understood and more likely to talk to you about it in the future,” said Yale's Lebowitz, who is also the author of “Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD.”
“Parents should strive to communicate messages to their children that combine acceptance and validation of the child's genuine fear or distress, along with confidence in the child's ability to cope with that distress,” she added, explaining that this will help build trust and gradually reduce the child's dependence on their parents.
2. Sharing personal experiences
When a child or teen is feeling anxious, it often helps to know that they are not alone.
Sharing personal stories of having been in a similar situation will help them realize that it is possible to overcome the adversities they face.
“Parents need to normalize this and also talk about their own internal dialogue around anxiety, while being careful to have open communication in a non-threatening way,” Savage suggested.
For example, sharing that you were anxious about your slides for an important presentation at work, but reassuring yourself that you did your best, will help the child feel seen and heard.
“It's very difficult to teach your child to regulate and manage all of his emotions. If you can't do it yourself, be willing to talk about his emotions, and not just the positive ones,” Lebowitz said. “And start early — don't wait until your child is 15 to start doing it.”
Psychologists who spoke to CNBC also stressed that parents should not share “big and inappropriate” problems with their children, such as financial difficulties or marital challenges.
3. Timing is everything
When a child is feeling anxious or is in the midst of an anxiety attack, the last thing they need to hear is advice on how to fix it.
“Don't expect your child to be able to talk about it while he's under intense anxiety. You have to give him some time to calm down,” suggested Yale's Lebowitz.
Conversations about how to better manage emotions should not happen during moments of anxiety, but before. Giving the child space, but also letting them know that you are nearby if they need help, will also help, psychologists recommend.
“We often put a lot of pressure on children to self-regulate and use psychological strategies to help themselves. But in those moments, children and young people really need adults to co-regulate with them,” Riard said, explaining that parents can help their children become aware of their thoughts and emotions and how they affect their behaviors.
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